At the scariest part of the Aya vision, there is a loop I don't want to be in. Too bad I'm already there, always. And the energy of the loop, be it internal or external separates me from this earth. Or at least makes me vibrate differently than this waking world. Interestingly, when I'm in the dream world, I feel more attuned and not out of phase. Put a bookmark in that.
M. tells me that my relationship to her is a loop, and I journey from wanting to leave to wanting to stay in a circular motion.
It has been my new intention to go into the loop, either from my dream work, or my foray's into hypnosis with Rebecca Hayden. And now, with all the meditation I have been doing.
Recently, I had a breakthrough listening Patrick MacManaway. For awhile until M. called I felt very attuned to the trees, the grass, the wind of the farmhouse.
Sometime last night I was breathing through my root chakra. I felt that it was important to ground myself to attune my vibrations between myself and the trees and landscape outside. I became convinced that it was important that I connect with God, in tune with the vibrations of my higher good. Yes, I was going there. And at the back of my mind, I wondered if this awareness would survive the "daytime" consciousness. I had been in this before. Which consciousness to trust? The 2 am or the 2 pm? And also how I lose this dream, this connection and go to relationships that are not attuned to me.
Or, to put it another way, I am intrigued by Jacqueline's character in Kimmy Schmidt, and how in the last episode they were all are experiencing various manifestations of love which they characterize as being in a state of holding other people's needs beyond their own. It is interesting in her concocted story, coming from a Lakota background to a gold-digger in NYC to find love with a guy who physically repulses her.
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