This is what one of my demons told me today: We value winners and winning. At so many levels. And there is so much pain because of it. All interrelated.
What happens to the baby when the father leaves the mother? Or what happens to the child when the mother leaves the father? Or the father leaves the twin daughters?. Or the father leaves the mother who left the other father? Or when the father dissociates from his actions so much that the mother ceases to have a name other than her function as a " baby mother" in the transaction, and the baby, well it doesn't have a name either. Or a sex for that matter. If the father referred to "it" as "my son" or "my daughter", well now that may be an improvement.
Still we value the winners. The father who has the "baby mother", well, he's getting his Phd and the baby mother must be crazy or something. We understand why he left, or at least we think we do. So we want him to stay in this country and we try to find someone else he can get married to, someone more on his level perhaps, either intellectually or socio-economically. And we forget about the baby mother, or the baby. And we forget about the father and the daughter who got left by the mother who in turn got left by the father. But at least they have names. And sexes. But there is always a bit of uncomfortableness when we think about them. Because they got left.
And then we get into this endless cycle of wanting to win. When the father who left the mother who left the father is with a new women, that mother is always comparing herself to the new potential mother. It would be too much to bear if she too was the anonymous "baby mother." But rest assured, that is what that father would love to call her. He would just as soon forget about that baby mother. Just like his mother did when she left his father.
