Cactus Surveillance

I was with Matt S. in a room with a TV going on.  I was talking to Matt about San Pedro Cactus.  He was talking, then we noticed that the man on the TV screen was apparently listening in to our conversation.  I didn't think it was possible, but then either Matt or I moved one of  our feet up to the our face and the man in the TV screen told us what had happened.  We knew we were being watched.

I was then on a bill outside.  It was night.  There were many people sleeping on the bill.  I remember I was with someone who was associated with a former girlfriend S.  I remember something that I felt that S. and her boyfriend were on the hill somewhere.

Then I was on a different hill.  There was another women with artwork or merchandise.  I can't remember what was happening with that.

Back to the Spirit Guides in the Happy Place Forest Refuge

Several nights ago, I asked to connect with the spirit of the land, and was pulled/directed to the culvert near the north west corner of the property that goes under the road.  It was hot outside, but my presence was reduced enough to blend into the grass and go into the comforting cool darkness of the culvert.

Of course, that doesn't work every night.  It seems it is important to have many different nocturnal practices, so to speak...lol  Maybe I should just go out on the back step and feel which way or direction my presence was drawn.

Last night, I was pulled back to the forest that I met my spirit guide during that hypnosis session.  Of course, this is not surprising, because it is my happy place to begin with.  So I remote viewed there.  It was near 5 am and getting light, but that didn't matter, especially when I turned right onto Koke Mill from Washington and started to go up the hill.  I went past the playground and the utility house, then took my feet and cooled off in the mud outside the entrance to the forest.  I was told to make an offering, I thought of silver, maybe to bury it there, or to sell it and give it away.  To be continued.

I didn't meet the orange spirit, but was just told to listen.   It is the sound of the vibrations of my energy, and also the sound of the energy of the forest.  The insight is to diminish you own barrier to allow connection to vibrations of the place, not separate but joined.  

I went to sleep soon after that.  I had many dreams.  I was doing Reiki on a cat that was in the down dog position with its eyes closed.  There were people there watching, and saw this as proof of my powers.  There was more.  Before then, I was in a house with hippee people.  Probably inspired from hanging out with Bill and Wendy from the night before.  And maybe Wendy was there.  not sure.

The Dream that Dragged On All Night

It felt like I was upstairs in the Farmhouse, but I was just sleeping on the kitchen counter.  Pain all around.  Then there were walls of Mushroom clouds in the distance.  And I could hear Chinese language.

Then outside near the tree line on the east side my father's father was outside smiling.  He was putting on women's hats and clothing.  There was a woman inside.  I did not know her, she was not familiar, but I was kissing her very gently on the upper lip.

Then I was with my mother in a bar.  The Spanish bartender knew about cognac?  Or was in a french bartender who knew about Spanish wine?  I was on the road, going from town to town in central Illinois, but it was different.  I remember in Bloomington, Rebecca Hayden was playing as a warm up band for a larger band that was playing at an outside festival.  The band was really cool and people were doing ecstatic dancing and yoga while listening, but there were not many people because of the social distancing.  

There was much more.  But I can't read my writing.  Something about bouncing balls that made you laugh and made you cry.  A party in some house for Rotary people.  My office at Its all About Wine, and Gary Borah was there with Washington University Graduates.  Something about the Tree of Life. 

Not Really Part of this World

I was in a Trader Joe's crawling around on all fours looking at stuff and getting all sorts of cool food.  I was with friends who I don't have in this life.  Then in a van traveling though Chicago neighborhood side streets going very very fast.  Then the brakes slammed.

My body is stuck in loop. That is my perception.  Caught in the vibrations of this space in a circular motion.  Its why I can't really relax and be in this world.  The loop keeps me vibrating.  M asked if it was her.  That I go back and forth in a circular motion with her between period of attraction and repulsion, like the alternating poles of a magnet.  I remember my old psychic friend from St. Louis.  She held a congregation of the elders and they asked her to ask me what I really want.  So I breath into my root chakra.   That is the point of my meditation and the deepening of my dream.

In a psychedelic cafe in St. Louis.  It was small, not many people there.  Nobody was wearing masks.  There was a family sitting next to us.  One of them was proud to study and U of I.  Psychedelic trance music of the 60s being played.  Took a long time to get the food.  I had to pay in a weird way.  It was in a suburb of St. Louis.  There was a Mariott next door.  I was talking to a women in the payment line who worked there.

The Eternal Present

At the sesshin done remotely, and the rubber hits the road.  The shadow manifests as tightness throughout the body and the spirit that I am concentrating too much and could not shut it off.  And the practice of making peace with that new voice.

And of course I don't follow instructions, so on Day 3 I decide to use the assistance of plant (not really a plant) medicine.  And I experience the eternal now.  The endless arising and passing away of what we are.

The realization that maybe there is a spirit of the Prairie Zen house wanting to speak.  So via remote viewing, I travel to Champaign after stopping briefly in Illioplis, left on Univeristy Street, right on Prospect Ave near the Express Lube business.  And I get to center.  I enter the back door.  And I remember everything about the house, except how to get to the first floor instead of going to the basement from the back of the building.

And I speak to a spirit with the understanding that it just wants its story told.  His name was George Henry.   Something happened either in 1948 or 1848. 

I will have to go back and revisit this spirit.

Entering the Loop

At the scariest part of the Aya vision, there is a loop I don't want to be in.  Too bad I'm already there, always.  And the energy of the loop, be it internal or external separates me from this earth.  Or at least makes me vibrate differently than this waking world.  Interestingly, when I'm in the dream world, I feel more attuned and not out of phase.  Put a bookmark in that.

M. tells me that my relationship to her is a loop, and I journey from wanting to leave to wanting to stay in a circular motion.

It has been my new intention to go into the loop, either from my dream work, or my foray's into hypnosis with Rebecca Hayden.  And now, with all the meditation I have been doing.

Recently, I had a breakthrough listening Patrick MacManaway.  For awhile until M. called I felt very attuned to the trees, the grass, the wind of the farmhouse.

Sometime last night I was breathing through my root chakra.  I felt that it was important to ground myself to attune my vibrations between myself and the trees and landscape outside.  I became convinced that it was important that I connect with God, in tune with the vibrations of my higher good.  Yes, I was going there.   And at the back of my mind, I wondered if this awareness would survive the "daytime" consciousness.  I had been in this before.  Which consciousness to trust?  The 2 am or the 2 pm?   And also how I lose this dream, this connection and go to relationships that are not attuned to me.

 Or, to put it another way, I am intrigued by Jacqueline's character in Kimmy Schmidt, and how in the last episode they were all are experiencing various manifestations of love which they characterize as being in a state of holding other people's needs beyond their own.  It is interesting in her concocted story, coming from a Lakota background to a gold-digger in NYC to find love with a guy who physically repulses her.

Dialog with Nature Spirits

Late at night I was filled with a dark heavy energy.  I remembered my feeling earlier in the day listening to Patrick MacManaway regarding an intention to form a dialogue with environmental spirits.  I sought to communicate with the feelings and see where it would take me.  I was in a dream in my Decatur case, something about an expert witness used to work for the feds.  Then I was in the Amazon and there was a large boring device that was ripping apart the swampland to create a new drainage tributary for the Amazon. I could feel the pain of nature being ripped apart and the unnaturalness of the new river.

Then I was with C. Hatfield my old friend in law school who is now very politically active in Missouri.  He was bragging to the point that I was uncomfortable.  Two prisoners were playing a game.  They were playing very skillfully but one of them (at least according to Chuck) won the game because he was intimidating the other and that this was sort of some left hand magic practice.

Then one of the prisoners told me he had cancer and everybody in his town had cancer from some environmental pollution.  He told me he wrote a book about the rebellion in Arkansas.    He and a group were on a boat and helicopters came to attack them and they shot rounds and rounds of bullets to destroy the helicopters attacking them.  They were still going to lose in the long run.  I wanted to dialog with him like Patrick was doing.  

Before then I was in a group and T. Pepper from high school kept kitting me on the arm.  He said it wasn't me.  It was really confusing what was happening then.

The Empty Cup

Late at night I went back to sleep after the LBR.

I felt called to a practice of clearing out space to attract a benevolent spirit.  Like being possessed by an Orisha or something of the kind.  In my hynagogic state, I wasn't thinking like this, but sensed that this was my primary spiritual practice and what I do all the time, without being sensitive to it. 

In this relaxed open state, I felt the energy of spirit come in, and it was vibrating.  I remembered what I read about the energy manifesting as opposing energy potentials, sun and moon

, wind and water, and felt this viscerally. 

I felt my consciousness focus deep in the back of my brain, and behind my throat, the seat of dreams.

When the dreams came, I was in a hotel room.  Not the one I started in, but the one next door.  I had become separated.  There was a women there, but I knew she was possessed by something and intended to kill me.  But she couldn't I was too strong and psychically prevented her from the attack she planned.

Then I was at a Church I had never been to.  In the back, like in a kitchen area, but there were pews.  I was with the children and we were celebrating.  There was food.  I was happy.

I'm Finally Getting Around to Writing this, Which is Interesting, Because I Thought I Already Did. Or Was that in a Different Life?

I was in a hypnopompic state waking up.  But wanted to stay in the state where I was at.  Too cool.
I realized that you might be a fellow traveler.  You reading this.  You have seen the outside, right?  That something that doesn't quite compute when we come back to here, so we forget about it.  Or maybe it can't be remembered here.  I forget.  Anyway, I have experienced it also, so it is all cool.  And if you get alienated some time, call me.

I was in a room talking to a client or an insurance adjuster about a case.  I was on the phone.  Something happened and I moved to a different room down the hall of the building I had never been in.

Then I was on a bed still talking on the phone and they told me they wanted to do something for the case but I didn't hear them or didn't understand what they were saying.  I was a little bit embarrassed to ask them to repeat themselves which they did and I still didn't understand.  I asked them to spell it out and there was no answer and I got off the bed and hid behind the dresser.

A woman like a nun was looked in the room and smiled somewhat malignantly as if she thought they would get me.  I was still hiding so she didn't see me, or did she?

When she left I snuck out of the room and jumped out a window or something and found myself in an underground construction area. 

Then I became lucid within this dream and realized that I could float and go through walls.  Which I did.  I came to the opening of the cave and saw C. and my daughters playing on a softball team.  C. was coaching of course.  My daughters were little and I could see their outlines against the wire mesh of the dugout.   They were waiting for me to come to them.