Breathing in to the Magical realm, exhale back to the Body, then Watching the Show.

 This is kind of a two parter.  The first part was last night at 4 am.  I was up per usual, but in a place of negative energy.  Which can also be usual at that time...lol.  Anyway, I had it in my mind that the lack of work at work was going to translate into a change of careers soon.  Which may be true, actually.  But the place it took me to was the story that everything would change, my job, my romantic partner, everything when I did not have a job.  The belief and sensation that I had so much ego invested in my career which defined me in all sort of ways.  Then the fact that I would not be able to go back to sleep and I would be tired and that the magic in my life would disappear and be replaced by a prosaic environment that was lifeless.  The faire spring would dry up.  That is was not real and could not give me solace.  That my imaginative connections with the trees was just a fantasy.  You get the idea.   

But I had a new voice this time.  Of gratitude that I was being shown all of this.  That it would be painful, but necessary to see what I needed to see.

I went back to sleep and dreamt heavily after all.   And I'm not really tired today, but I think I am going to fast because my digestion is off.  In between dreams, my consciousness centered on the back of my head, my spine and my tailbone. This allowed my mind to relax.

The second part occurred at my morning meditation.  The new meditation is breathing in, feeling the consciousness go to the wall, or IN front of me in a ball, or to the squirrel (lol), hold, exhale and come back to the body.  Feeling the separation between inside me and outside me.  Then connect with everything.  Well after a while, my attention goes again to the back of my body.  And the stillness there.  And how I had a choice to either stay in the stillness, or go back to the show of the mind and all the river of outflow there.  Like being at the sluice, I suppose.  And I'm not talking about that old restaurant in Spearfish South Dakota near the cabin.  Its too bad we don't still have that cabin by the way.  That would have been very cool.  I didn't appreciate it at the time.