Je Sais Que Le Vin, the Podcast

Good evening, my name is Henri, and I will be your sommelier for this evening.  Tonight, we shall be consuming wine with our special guest from the Nameless Podcast, the Nameless One.  Bonjour, Madame Nameless.

Nameless:  Sidekick, you are ridiculous, stop acting like you are French with that fake accent.  What do you know about wine anyway?

Henri:  Tsk Tsk, please Nameless, try some of this.  You will find this to be a lush and full expression of the Grenache grape packed with mouth watering sumptuousness and hints of bramble, tobacco, baby fat, and currant/black berry compote with raspberry flourishes.  It pairs well with our dinner tonight of beef testicles and spleen of lamb calf.   It is ideal for any occasion or mood from the winter melancholia to manic depression.  Drink it now, for the next 50 years, or it the first decade of your afterlife.

Nameless:  This tastes like piss.  Where did you get it?

Henri:  It is not important.  Let me return with something more to your liking.  Perhaps a nice Merlot?  This one is guaranteed to get any suburban housewife intoxicated.  It pairs well with 100 calorie Nabisco snack packs of any variety.  It is made by the renown vineyard Chateau de Downton Abbey.

Nameless:  Really, Sidekick?   I'm about ready to souffle your nuts and feed them to you.

Henri:  Perhaps you will find this enjoyable?   This is for that special occasion which you lack the blood of your sworn enemy.  It is a deep blood red shiraz.  It is appropriate for any occasion, especially ancient death rituals.  Dip your sword into this as a substitute for blood, and make your offering to the demon.   Even Satan will be fooled by the dark and leathery tannin's involved.  It pairs well with Orc flesh and Goblin entrails.  It is best served with a dish of revenge.

Nameless:  Now this is more to my liking.  Sidekick, bring me numerous glasses of this concoction.

Henri: As a final offering, I offer you something indigenous to this geographic region we call home.

Nameless:  There is no good wine in Illinois.

Henri:  That is not the point, the point is, I am under an obligation to shop locally.

Nameless:  But I am under no obligation to drink locally.

Henri:  Then I will drink this myself.  It is from a area previously know for its corn and soybeans.  Its terroir is rich with years of Round Up and other Monsanto Fungicides.  It pairs well with long bicycle rides and stiff winds. In fact, after you consume it, you begin to experience stiff winds with which you must excuse your dinner guests.

Nameless:  A good idea Sidekick, you are excused from this ridiculousness.