A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the March Sesshin in 2016

Here's the joke: there are a group of people in a chartered plane.   The joke unfolds in the typical manner.  The pilot makes an announcement over the intercom that the plane will crash unless they jettison some of the passengers on-board.  So who goes?   Well sitting in one aisle are the unlikely combination of St. Louis' own Beatle Bob and Elvis Costello.  Elvis wastes no time in grabbing Beatle Bob and throwing him out the emergency exit.   I was able to catch a bit of their exchange:

Elvis:  I don't know who you are, but I'm throwing you out again, just like I threw you off the stage of Bonaroo in 2011.
Beatle:  Elvis, I'm a big fan of your music.
Elvis:  Guided by Voices may like the way you dance, and make a video of you, but you are not my kind of soldier.  Good bye you bloody wanker!
Beatle:  (descending through the clouds):  "I've got bulldog skin."

While this was going on, the passengers in the next row are also discussing, as the Clash so aptly wrote all those years ago, who should stay and who should go.  One of these gentleman, lets just call him X is an aspiring patent attorney.  The other, a noted hedonist, earlier in the evening consumed way way too much tequila watching this concert

and exploring this pleasure den:




The hedonist was drunkenly informing lawyer X that all lawyers were useless and society was better off without them.  Lawyer X agreed with this statement in principle, but suggested that since he was studying to be a patent lawyer that this made him exempt from that general principle.   A scuffle ensued, and the hedonist pushed the lawyer out the emergency exit.  However, in the process, in his inebriated state, the hedonist tripped and also fell out the window.  Problem solved.

That leads us to the passengers in the next row.  One was a neuroscientist, the other a zen monk.  Earlier in the evening, I caught a bit of their discussion which I will recreate for you to the best of my recollection:.

Zen monk:  When is a bulls-eye not a bulls-eye?

Scientist:  When it misses the mark.

Zen monk:  The state of the bulls-eye and no bulls-eye have no distinction in objective reality.  Its all one.

Scientist:  True, my friend, because both science and Buddhism are both about an understanding of the lack of subjectivity, writ large, I believe we should collaborate on future projects.

Zen monk:  Indeed, my friend, though there is no difference between you, me, lawyer X and the hedonist, and those two musicians, I believe we will more skillfully handle the emergency that has apparently arisen than they.

Scientist:  I could not agree with you more.  Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Zen monk:  Indeed my brother.  Let us make haste to that compartment in the aft section of the place which states: "In case of emergency use parachutes inside."

And with that, the compatriots donned the parachutes and jumped out of the plane.

That leaves us now with the lone passenger in the row next to the cockpit, Susie Vector.  Elvis Costello approached her:  "We'll my lady, you are clearly a site for sore eyes, but as I am a world famous musician I ask that you voluntarily exit the plane to allow me to continue my exalted existence.

With that Susie unceremoniously proceeded to kick Elvis in the nuts and toss him out the plane.

With that a voice came over the loud speaker.  "Well done my dear.  Can you please come up to the cabin and unlock the door, I have some urgent matters to discuss with you."  

Susie proceeded to open the cockpit door.  If she was surprised by what she saw in the cockpit, she betrayed no emotion.  Perched in the pilot's chair was her old friend the Talking Cat.

Talking Cat:  What took you so long?

Susie:  There appeared to be some disagreements about the passenger manifests.

Talking Cat:  Did the situation resolve to you satisfaction?

Susie:  I'm not sure yet.  

Talking Cat:  Neither am I.  Moreover, I have a confession to make.

Susie: Such as?

Talking Cat:  Well for starters, though I am a feline possessed of many talents, learning to fly a plane was never one of them.

Susie:  Oh my.  This appears to be another fine mess you have arranged for me.

Talking Cat:  Indeed.