Skinny Knees, Ch. 1

When my dad developed liver cancer, I wiped his ass with my last copy of Uncle Vanya.

It sucks being a nurse.

It sucks even worse when you are a caregiver to your dying parents.

I've seen alot in my job.  But that was more than I ever wanted to see.   I couldn't eat for days after that.

That is how my knees became so skinny.

I found myself as Checkov in the crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise.

Not the New Generation episodes.  I'm talking the original cast:  Kirk, Spock, Scotty, McCoy, Uhura, Sulu and me.

Speaking of Sulu, we always knew he was gay,  but have you read his recent Tweets?   Fucking hysterical.  He never gave us an inkling back then that he had an ounce of humor.  Probably because the Sulu of today is not the same man.

Let me explain.

We encountered the Constantin cruiser after I entered a course which would take us near the Romulan neutral zone.

Kirk, the dumbass that he was and always will be, followed the standard protocol for encountering a vessel from an unknown species.  We lowered our shields in a gesture of friendship.

I can't explain it, but I knew right away we were in trouble.

None of them listened to me.   Not even that douche bag Spock, who should have known better.

I don't know how, but they must have slipped some sort of Trojan Horse through our firewall.

The crew all thought that our M5 computer was working normally.  But I knew something was wrong.   I told Kirk and that asshole just laughed.  "Ensign Checkov, have you been eating that habanero borscht again?  You know it always causes you to hallucinate."

Little did we know that the Contantins had already invaded the ship with their cloaks of invisibility and were systematically killing the crew and replacing them with androids.

 Right away I started noticing something about the other members of the crew.  The all talked normally, but I was the only one who knew that something had changed.  Within hours, I knew I was alone.  Everyone on board had been killed.   We were headed back to Star Base Alpha so that the Constantin's could spread throughout the Federation undetected.  

It, like wiping my father's ass, was an unmitigated disaster.

And yes, the William Shatner you see on TV today hawking Priceline.com is a Constantin.   How else do you think that no talent actor could have survived so long in show business?

Bring back the Black Bear Brunch!

2720 Cherokee People, Cherokee Tribe