From Another Dimension, Ch. 6; Skinny Knees, Ch. 3

Truth be told, I have not always been a nurse.

Nor Chechov for that matter.  

I have been both, neither, and more depending on my quantum state and the spin of my electrons.

Or more specifically, the spin of your electrons.

This may be difficult for you to understand as you probably have been poisoned by too much Constantin philosophy.    Then again, maybe you are a Constantin:-)

But let me give it a whirl.  Its like this.   What you think of as your universe is nothing more than  something like an atom within an infinite progression of successively larger universes.   I inhabit the next universe dimensionally larger than your own.   Which means, comparatively speaking, that I am pretty fucking vast.   Like so big you can't imagine it.   So what am I doing slumming around in your sub atomic reality?   I ask myself the same question regularly.  Maybe its because all my people, the Kusat, are a bunch of dickheads.   Maybe its because I like Hollywood.   No fucking place like it anywhere--which is quite a statement coming from someone as omnipotent as me.

Well with the Prozencia, I can pretty much assume whatever form I want to in your universe.   Which really ain't no big thing.   You are all a part of me.   And  I can became any part of me that I choose.

In any event,  its getting to be about time I assumed a new persona-- for the Constantins have made work very difficult for me to find in Hollywood.  Checkov just ain't cutting it anymore.  Its been years since I had a decent role.

My latest project involves a full length movie which I will write, star and direct. 

The working label for the movie is called "An Apple a Day:"

Its about a time traveler who is pursued by an evil doctor.   The doctor reprogrammed history to make it align with the Old Testament.   In this new reality, the New Testament and Christianity never happened.  Typical Constantin crap.  They are all about the number one.  Especially in religion. The movie opens with the time traveler waking up and noticing that the Unitarian Church across from his apartment has been changed to a Middle Eastern Grocery Store.  Next to the Grocery Store, the Starbuck's is still a coffee shop but goes by the name "Ezekiel's."   The time traveler picks up a phone book and notices that there are no more Christian, Hindu, or Buddhist temples--only Synagogues and Mosques.

The Plot gradually unfolds as the time traveler outwits the evil doctor by traveling back to the Garden of Eden with a bushel of apples.   The traveler insists that Adam and Eve eat the entire bushel, one each day until the bushel is exhausted.  This of course is the clever pun (if I do say myself) of "an apple a day" keeping the doctor away.

And of course, if one apple bestows knowledge to Adam and Eve in the biblical sense, you can imagine what eating a whole bushel can do for them.   They become very fucking smart, and they see through the Constantin plot which threatens to enfold this universe (and I'm afraid an increasing portion of the next universe up as well).

The movie will end with golden tendrils coming down from the sky into the Garden of Eden.   The tendrils surround Adam and Eve as a higher being uplifts them into the wonderful Prozencia.  Its such a happy ending.  Almost brings tears to my eyes.  When the movie opens, if you send me your email address, I'll be sure to forward to you some tickets for the premier:-)




September Sesshin in the morning.  Why did that dude drink so many beers and kill that guy?  Makes you stop and appreciate things--if i do say so myself.

Things that don't go together, Ch. 12

The Flynn Effect and the Need for Closure.

Flynn, a political scientist with a predilection toward kiwi fruit, claims that IQ scores have been increasing from generation to generation.   Supposedly, the proposition that people are doing better on intelligence tests has been confirmed in numerous studies.  An average increase of over three IQ points per decade has been found for virtually every type of intelligence test in some 20 countries.

The increase was highest (20 IQ points per generation) in Belgium, Holland and Israel.   The lowest (10 points per generation), was measured in Denmark and Sweden. Some studies suggest that the increase is accelerating.

 For one type of test, Raven's Progressive Matrices, Flynn found data that spanned a complete century. He concluded that someone who scored among the best 10% a hundred years ago, would nowadays be categorized among the 5% weakest currently.  Flynn claims the increase in IQ scores coincides with many factors, most notably an increase in the propensity for abstract thought.  For example,  Flynn cites the results of testing of 19th Century villagers in Russia who were asked to solve the following abstract series of questions:   "Where there is always snow, bears are white.  At the North Pole, there is always snow.  What color are bears at the North Pole?"  The villagers responded that they had never been to the North Pole, so they didn't know.

I can imagine the brains of the Russian villagers as functioning on a much more utilitarian level:  more impressed by what was actually in front of them than some abstract idea they couldn't have an immediate connection with.    With all the technological innovations the modern mind is barraged with abstract ideas, images and notions that have little connection to the day to day activities of ordinary modern life.  True, we could do better on these types of intelligence tests, but what have we given up?

The Need for Closure Scale (NFCS) was developed by Arie Kruglanski and others in the 1990s. Items on the scale include statements such as “I think that having clear rules and order at work is essential to success.” and “I do not like situations that are uncertain”. Items such as “Even after I’ve made up my mind about something, I am always eager to consider a different opinion.” and “I like to have friends who are unpredictable” are reverse scored.

Needless to say, those scoring high on the need for closure scale also resonate with authoritarianism, social and political conservatism, and religious fanaticism.  I would imagine that research into the Need for Closure probably has had all kinds of recent funding from agencies like Homeland Security as they attempt to understand and neutralize terrorists, who I imagine score off the charts on this kind of testing.

So,  I know that there have been all sorts of historical antecedents for the modern day terrorists.  Even in biblical times radical religious extremists were attempting to kill Romans.  But what I'm trying to get at and perhaps fit together is the increased tendency toward abstraction in the modern mind may have also increased the need for closure.   I wonder if results in the Need for Closure scale have also increased with the increasing IQ scores?   I think terrorism certainly has.  

Of course, it would certainly be much more complicated than that.   The need for closure increases with increasing social stressors.   When people get uprooted, suffer oppression, live in crowded conditions, the Need for Closure increases.   That probably has nothing to do with IQ scores.  Increasing education and literacy may make also people less prone to extremism.  But they certainly may practice more abstract ideologies:-)

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Silster Wilster, Ch. 12

When the people shall have nothing more to eat, they shall eat the rich.

And if the rich fail to delight, they shall consume waffles.

And waffles shall make the great people strong

So that there is one people, one empire, one leader, and many waffles

all waffling.

Long live the glorious 128th anniversary of the Great October Fascist (I meant Socialist) Revolution!

Long live the heroic working class--all waffling with great abundance!

Be thee on guard against the great Capitalist conspiracy

who threaten to infiltrate our glorious ideology.

The Capitalists seek to rob us of the fruits of our labor

and consume all of our waffles.

Let me say unto thee:  It is not the good of the one that is important.

How much waffling can one worker do?

Rather, united, we are strong.  Let our waffling pervade the great proletariat mass.

Speaking of mass...

Religion is the opiate of the masses.

However, I say unto thee that opium is the only true opiate.

And religion a pale substitute.

Have thine ever tried to get off on religion?

Like morphine, religion be unto thee a poor substitute.

And I say unto the children:  "there is only one true opiate and we all must share it equally."

That is what must be done, sayeth our great leader.

And if the children doth have parents

And if the parents do not share the one true opiate equally

Or if there be parents who practice unwholesomeness in deed, act, or intention,

(such as adulterating waffles with mangoes or other bourgeois fruit)

Then I sayeth unto those children:  inform thine nearest party official that your parents are doing thus and so

Be strong young children I say:  "Do not be counted among those who seek to add tropical fruit to our glorious unspoiled waffles.  Keep them pure and pristine."

And sure enough, having consumed the great unspoiled waffle, then the black queen will surely rise

like a phoenix amongst the ashes

just when you thought you lived in a cultural wasteland.

And I say unto thine women

attempting to hook up with other women

"It is only in hooking up that we truly hook up."

May you hook up well grasshopper.

and consume numerous waffles

in all of your future endeavors.

BREAK----

Dear PsuedoPumpkin:  A representative of the tropical fruit underground will be in touch with you.   Long Live the Counter-Revolution!   "A chicken in every pot, a banana in every waffle..."

Can Fest.  Roller Devish.   Joe--See?  Not even a Jammer can get by the acid rain.

Silster Wilster, Ch. 11

I wish I were 22 again.

If I were 22 again, I would go to San Francisco and live at the San Francisco Zen Center.

For awhile anyway.

Then I would get bored.   I've heard all the women at the place are pale and skinny.

I suppose that's what happens when you stay indoors all day looking down.

So then I go down to the Occupy encampment on Market Street.

And try to feel the vibes, get political, and of course look for women.

I'm 22 remember--so what would you expect?

But I would quickly discovery that all the women are gone.

And what's left are a bunch of homeless men.

With cool nicknames.

For that's what men do when there are no women around.

They make up nicknames.

So I would discontinue my estrogen treatments

and get a few testosterone shots

and go out looking for more women.

Because that's what 22 year olds do, right?

But I would keep the protests going

at least in my mind.

Foremost in my thoughts would be my separation from my best friend

who has been almost like a sister to me since I have been born.

In fact, maybe she is my sister?  Pesky genetic tests.

I'm going to protest her separation from me

and the vile evil spell that she is under

and the fact that she is too busy drinking Kombucha to respond to my texts.

I would not mind her not responding to me.

If she was getting a little down there.

But word on the street is that she's doing everything oral.

and that's just not good hygiene.

I just wish she would brush that girl right out of her hair, and find

 a real cunning linguist.

Hell, where i'm going in a couple of weeks, it would be just a stone's thow away.

I wish I were 22 again.

Skinny Knees, Ch. 2

And Star Trek wasn't the only TV show the Constantins infiltrated.

Think about it. 

Take Happy Days for example.  It starts out about a Ma, Pa, and Apple Pie show about some high school kids in Milwaukee living the nostalgic American dream.   They work in the local hardware store owned by "dad."  They hang out at a malt shop.   There is just a touch of counterculture thrown in.   Fonzie wears black leather and is an orphan.  Pinky Tuscadero has a wild side.  But the show only dabbles in anything subversive.  Rest assured, when the shit hits the fan Fonzie keeps Richie, Potzie, and Ralph safe from anything that might really harm them as well as providing them with valuable "life lessons" at the conclusion.

So what the fuck was this whole business about Fonzie riding water skis and jumping the shark?

Where did that come from?

You guessed it--the Constantins.  I know nothing about the Constantin home world, but it most certainly has to be a water planet.

And Ron Howard is certainly one of them.   Not when he was Opie on the Andy Griffith show  Or even in American Graffiti.   It must have happened later.  Some undocumented time later when he was walking home from working a late night at Cunningham's hardware store.  Or maybe Arnold's.  He looks up in the sky--views the flashing lights... and ....bam! He was transported up to the Constantin cruiser which orbits the earth.  Its up there even to this day.  I can still see it with my telescope.   But no one will believe me.

That's right folks.   The Ron Howard you see and love today is a Constantin android.   Just like Shatner and Sulu.   What else could explain the movies that Howard went on to direct?  Cocoon?  Apollo 13?  Willow?  Angels and Demons?  How could Opie do such a thing unless it really isn't Opie who is directing all those science fiction films?
But I'm sure you all don't believe any of this.   Neither did Shatner and that douche bag Spock.   And look where it got them.  Ignorance is not bliss.

Skinny Knees, Ch. 1

When my dad developed liver cancer, I wiped his ass with my last copy of Uncle Vanya.

It sucks being a nurse.

It sucks even worse when you are a caregiver to your dying parents.

I've seen alot in my job.  But that was more than I ever wanted to see.   I couldn't eat for days after that.

That is how my knees became so skinny.

I found myself as Checkov in the crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise.

Not the New Generation episodes.  I'm talking the original cast:  Kirk, Spock, Scotty, McCoy, Uhura, Sulu and me.

Speaking of Sulu, we always knew he was gay,  but have you read his recent Tweets?   Fucking hysterical.  He never gave us an inkling back then that he had an ounce of humor.  Probably because the Sulu of today is not the same man.

Let me explain.

We encountered the Constantin cruiser after I entered a course which would take us near the Romulan neutral zone.

Kirk, the dumbass that he was and always will be, followed the standard protocol for encountering a vessel from an unknown species.  We lowered our shields in a gesture of friendship.

I can't explain it, but I knew right away we were in trouble.

None of them listened to me.   Not even that douche bag Spock, who should have known better.

I don't know how, but they must have slipped some sort of Trojan Horse through our firewall.

The crew all thought that our M5 computer was working normally.  But I knew something was wrong.   I told Kirk and that asshole just laughed.  "Ensign Checkov, have you been eating that habanero borscht again?  You know it always causes you to hallucinate."

Little did we know that the Contantins had already invaded the ship with their cloaks of invisibility and were systematically killing the crew and replacing them with androids.

 Right away I started noticing something about the other members of the crew.  The all talked normally, but I was the only one who knew that something had changed.  Within hours, I knew I was alone.  Everyone on board had been killed.   We were headed back to Star Base Alpha so that the Constantin's could spread throughout the Federation undetected.  

It, like wiping my father's ass, was an unmitigated disaster.

And yes, the William Shatner you see on TV today hawking Priceline.com is a Constantin.   How else do you think that no talent actor could have survived so long in show business?

Bring back the Black Bear Brunch!

2720 Cherokee People, Cherokee Tribe

Friend of the Devil, Ch. 2

After the reception, Judge Flynn was decapitated in a car crash on her way home.

The next morning my phone rang.  I knew it was Satan and I didn't want to answer it.

But the iphone was in my hand.

"Samuel, this is Satan.  You must come with me to the new play at the Vishnu theater.  Its the local theatre that opened up at the corner of Laurence and South Grand.   I know the director.  Come support local arts with me."

I didn't want to go.

Outside the theater Satan had a small dog on a lease and kept kicking it gleefully.   The dog tried to escape, but each time Satan pulled it back.  The small eyes of the dog were swollen shut with the impact.

We entered the theatre.   It was empty.

The play began with an actor playing Jesus hanging on the cross.   He was smeared in blood.   The blood looked real.   The "jesus," smiling in ecstasy, kept repeating a mantra:

"May I open to the suffering in the world"  "May I die to the suffering in the world"
"May I open to the suffering in the world" "May I  die to  the suffering in the world"
"May I open to the suffering in the world" "May I  die to the suffering in the world"
"May I open to the suffering in the world" "May I die to  the suffering in the world"
"May I open to the suffering in the world" "May I die to the suffering in the world"
"May I open to the suffering in the world" "May I  die to the suffering in the world"
"May I open to the suffering in the world" "May I  die to the suffering in the world"

At the foot of the hanging "jesus" was saffron robed figure, presumably a buddha sitting in a seating lotus position in front of the cross.  A grotesque imp knelt beside the sitting buddha and stroked the buddha's erect penis.

Satan gloated:  "Isn't this delightful?  The symbolic unification of all religion based on death and suffering.  Notice how Jesus strains to keep his arms open to receive all the suffering in the world.  The buddha is trying to annihilate himself.  Ha! If they only knew what little boys are really made of."

Satan handed me my iphone.  "Check for yourself.   Look at the great reviews our little production received."  

I was in front of my computer terminal at work.  The screen showed the website "Rotten Tomatoes" and a dark red heart with a 150% next to the movie review.  Its not possible, I thought, the most the movie could have earned is 100% if all the movie critics in the country liked it. 

Satan touched me on the shoulder.

Samuel," It was the highest score for any movie ever created."

Hypothetical Inventions, Ch. 4

The following is a paid advertisement for Quanta-Collect, the premier debt agency serving uploaded and post human clients:

Sure, humanity is now immortal.    When the physical body dies, we get uploaded into the meta cloud.   Its been that way for thousands of years.   But what is new is the fact that thousands of transcendent humans across the galaxy are running out of money.  Especially given recent economic downturns.    What happens when you run out of money in an uploaded state? 

 Quanta-Collect is here to help.  Quanta-Collect offers the galaxies oldest and most reliable credit solutions and counseling for the uploaded human.

Take for example the case of Richard B.   Richard B's physical body terminated in AD 2059.   He was uploaded into a data storage access plan at $1M Yuan per kilo annum.  Richard's bandwidth, resolution, and program access plans were typical, but his bandwidth usage rates for entertainment and virtual spectrum often exceeded his contracted allotment.  Richard liked his virtual kingdoms and all the benefits they conferred.   But the real problem developed for Richard in AD 4501 when he, as with thousands of other post-humans, had their real time savings wiped out with the political instability in Alpha Nebular Cluster.   Richard's data storage seed trust (DSST) devalued  to .75 Yuan per deca annum.  Faced with data substrate termination, or severe reductions in resolution and bandwidth, Richard B turned to Quanta-Collect for help. 

Our specially trained bandwidth consultants offered Richard B, and thousands like him, an alternative to data substrate termination.  Quanta-Collect can either restructure your bandwidth and resolution horizons to affordable plans or provide vocational placement.   There is still a great demand for human advanced pattern recognition screening which not even the most skilled AI can detect.  We offer uploaded humans the opportunity to carry out useful and profitable work during their transcendence. 

Quanta-Collect provides first class customer service for all financial challenges, by providing creative and effective alternatives to data substrate termination. We pledge to intercede on our Clients' behalf with their creditors to assist with attaining a manageable digital future.

This Communication is from a Debt Collector and any information you provide can be used for the purpose of collecting that debt.

Habanero borsch with babuschka.

The lizard has a stalker.

The uge is bored.

The Apolitical Activist, Ch. 7

The Sports Edition.

I. The NCAA v. Penn State

The NCAA sucks at its mission: it doesn't prevent teams from obtaining an unfair advantage by cheating in sports. Everyone cheats at recruiting. College football and basketball teams are nothing more than minor league programs for the NFL and NBA. Only worse, because the football and basketball programs associated with the college get to keep all the money which should rightly be shared by the athletes. Its a total farce.

Having failed with its primary mission, the NCAA now is going to extend its ineptitude into the police business. What Penn State did was a crime. The perpetrator is now in jail. Others may follow him. If Paterno was alive and he knowingly abetted or covered up the the crime, he should also be thrown in jail. Even posthumously. Its a laugh how desperately his silly family is trying to preserve his legacy. He can roll over in his grave all he wants. He was no Bear Bryant.

But the NCAA has no business getting involved in the criminal law business. The victims of Sandusky's and Penn State's civil and criminal offenses will find their way into court and will likely receive millions in settlement or civil verdicts from Penn State and the tax payers of Pennsylvania. The NCAA should stick with what it knows, or doesn't know, that it promotes fund raising through athletics, while giving lip service to promoting academics.

II. The London Olympic Opening Ceremonies.

Bloody British Wankers. Is that all you got these days? Danny Boyle? Hell, a hundred years ago you used to rule half the world. Now all you have is steam punk and copied rock and roll and rap music from the United States. Thanks for giving me just a bit of Shakespeare in your ceremony. But you seem to have forgotten that you formed the basis and model for almost every parliamentary democracy existing in the world today. That and after the Greeks and Romans declined, you kept Western Civilization going. Screw the French and the Germans. They copied everything from you but your food. They would still be fighting each other if it wasn't for your moderating influence.

But I suppose we can't talk about your greatness these days. It was based on Imperialism right? Even Obama removed Churchill's bust from the White House.

You had the greatest scientist ever: Isaac Newton. He formed the basis of everything. And arguably the greatest philosopher of the modern age: David Hume, who could out consume both Schopenhauer and Hegel:-). And the founder of the modern computer age: Alan Turing. People may rag on your "imperialism" these days, but would you really want the alternatives offered by the non-Western powers these days to advance human civilization?

twinfest--grand junction