Killing a Ferret in Rhythm

 I was exploring holes in the ground.  Some of them were filled with noxious stuff, but they all had stairways going down into them.  I remember being excited that I had discovered openings to them.  I was me, but I was also not me.  What I was doing was part of a larger program that also involved my daughters.  I may have been my daughters at some point in the dream.  There was much more, but I don't remember it.  I don't remember actually going down the holes.

Then I was in a different place.  I was with a group of young people.  Something like being in college except my group was not receiving any support from its elders or teachers.  I don't remember why.  One of us, who was me, but also not me, encountered one of the large ferrets that was as large as a human (even longer) and sort of alien looking.  Through some sort of musical rhythm, and also some kind of hand mudra, he/I was able to outmaneuver the ferret and in what was sort of a long drawn out process eventually kill it by biting its throat.  This was seen as a great victory.  Even one of the teachers who previously was indifferent was very excited and started showing the group additional hand gestures (mudras) we could use that also corresponded with some sort of rhythm.    It was like a hidden code was being revealed.    I don't really remember what happened after that.  

It all starts to make sense and open up.  And clearly, I'm going down into the holes these days.

In My Dream, I was a Woman who was a Graphic Artist

 In my dream, I remember being a woman who drew graphic art images.  Like cartoons.  I was captured by some kind of gangster who was a monster.  Like some kind of monster in a Japanese anime cartoon or something.  But I was able to escape.  I don't remember exactly how I escaped but I think it had something to do with what I was drawing.  I think i drew this black superhero free of charge and as a boon or some sort of reciprocity I was able to escape.  Not really sure.  

Then I was male again.  And I was at a Replacements concert.  Instead of Paul Westerburg singing, the mayor of Jerome (Mike) was the lead vocalist.  Maybe Westerburg was playing drums.  Anyway they came on stage in a Viking ship.  Then I was above ground on something like an aircraft carrier listening to time.  I remember having all kinds of fun and being with tons of women and hugging them.  But nothing sexual.  

Now that I remember it, before this all happened I had found a spirit guide who was inside my heart.  And there was something about meditating on a straight line or tree or cactus or something vertical and stuck in the ground for support.  It was a great object of meditation.  I kept returning to my spirit guide whose name was Larry or something like that.  So all in all, it was a great evening.....

It Doesn't Take a lot of Entheogens to send me through the Portal.

 Ok, so in the middle of the night, while the pain was acute and the energy was heavy and sticky and I had to leave to catch a flight to Arizona at 6 am and I was sleeping on my futon because I could not sleep on my bed, because the whole country of Sweden was already asleep there and then I hear this voice that I should go to the freezer and get one of my ice cubes that contain a small amount of psilocybin cubensis     Given all the circumstances,  probably not a good idea because it was already like 3 pm or something. But I heeded the voice.  Good job you.

Anyway, it doesn't take a lot of entheogens to send me through the portal.  And when you go through the portal you can see what the pain is all about.  And this is the gift of those little fungii.    And indeed, this is precisely when I should listen to the sacred mushrooms, when they can help me understand my pain and communicate what they need and what they want from us.  That is not quite right.  I can't really articulate it.  But my pain is exactly when they want to communicate with me, and when I should heed the call so to speak.  Anyway, here was the message in the pain:

1.  We are not separate, but entirely dependent on plants and other humans.

2.  Humans are the virus and the cancer to the larger body that is something like Gaia.

3.  I need help.  I am fragmented and broken in so many places.  And that is the pain.  But at the same time, it is intensely beautiful.  So I got that going for me.  And this pretty much applies to everyone.

4.  The signs of helping me are all around.  a.  Ulrika; b. Evelyn; c. That nice intuitive woman from the Dave O ventures.

5.  Mushrooms and plants are indeed sacred medicines in every sense of the word.  

Damn, Van Damn

 I was in some confinement, or what felt like some sort of confinement in a very strange land. I knew that I would have to drink or eat or do something with a big vat they were making that was something like tobacco in a liquid form.  I knew I was going to be forced to take it.  I was just awaiting my time.  But I felt confident because I had already eating some of the pellets of the vat like dog food.  Maybe I felt I was getting a jump on the competition that way or something.  I don't really remember.

Then I was in a different area.  And Van Damn was there telling about how skilled and talented he was.  He was aligned to my captors or hosts or whatever they were in this strange land.   Then Van Damn was approached by a group (maybe just two?) outsiders and he was immediately scared of them.  Like they were the real deal and his fraud was exposed.   I saw fear in his eyes for he knew immediately who these individuals were and that their skill far exceeded his.  The two then proceeded to attack him.  I remember leaving that scene to go tell my captors (oppressors) something like "hey your man is getting his ass kicked over there or something" as if to curry favor perhaps with them.  I'm not really sure of my motivation at that point.  I saw somebody getting badly beat up, it didn't really look like Van Damn, but I assumed it was.  I woke up at that point. 

Veterans and Balloons. And I suppose Hypnotherapy

I was with one of my high school friends.  But I think that part of the dream ended and there was a transition that I don't remember.  

I think I was in some sort of desert and up ahead I thought I saw a beautiful burst of stars from something.  As I went investigated closer, the stars were actually balloons.  Then the balloons sunk down to the ground.  There were all sorts of written letters and messages on them.  I had to put them somewhere.  I think I was with a little boy at the time.  And maybe his mother.  I was trying to dispose of the balloons for the boy.  We ended up putting them in a building that was some sort of shop, but the man who came out was upset that we put the balloons there.  

I remember thinking that we had to put the balloons somewhere.  Outside the shop was a man who was a veteran.  The balloons belonged to him. I guess.  Maybe it was part of some sort of fundraiser.  The veteran had some sort of beard.  Vietnam era veteran. 

I don't remember what happened next. I don't remember how the little boy felt, or if the little boy was me.  I only know one veteran from the Vietnam era.  My old babysitter.  I remember watching videos of bombs going off in a jungle in the basement of our Denver home.  It was downstairs.  That is what I remember from the hypnosis.  I wonder what he wanted to do with the balloons.  Next time, I will have to look more closely to see what the letters said.

We are Here to Serve Each Other

Do you ever notice that when you are with different people, you become different?  Act different?  Different voices come up in you?  With some people, the voice of caring arises at times, others you are more on your guard.   I'm wondering if it goes further than that.  What arises in you is what the other person at some level needs to hear.  Or, from the other direction, we create what we need to hear from others.  The voice that wells up from others is what we need to hear.  In this way, we are all interconnected and helping each other grow, with our without our conscious cooperation.  Its a wonderful thing.

I'm interviewing the muscian Jam Alker on the podcast in a bit on this lovely Saturday afternoon.  One of his quotes that I'm going to ask him about goes something to the effect that music for him has been a way to express his grief, pain, depression, anxiety, etc.  For him, holding it in can lead him back to addiction and using.  What resonates in this message for me is the need to express the truth.    Holding it in does not accomplish the purpose.

Take my experience with the Woo Woo last weekend.  At so many levels, I think she is deceiving herself.  In the past I had kept my mouth shut, thinking perhaps my feelings had more to do with me and not her and generally  not wanting to cast a spell, judge, or put a label on her.  In this past I have shied away with telling anybody they were something, rather seeing that is my reaction to what they were.

And I've kept that inside for awhile.  And eventually it comes out in ugly ways. She even asked me, are you calling me "delusional" and I couldn't help saying yes.  I suppose its far from the "right" speech of Buddhism, but it gushed out of me.  It could have been delivered more skillfully.  But she has this idea that she is some kind of reflector (from human design).  All my senses suggest otherwise.  I feel her energy to the point of it being overwhelming and something I need to remove myself from.  To the point where I am clearly triggered.  Whether or not it is true or not, my impressions were something I believe she needed to hear at some level. If what I said was more about me than here, it likely will not stick on her or cause her any reaction.  But if she does react, then you know it perhaps is otherwise.   

I suppose before sharing "what is welling up in you" with others, it probably makes sense to obtain consent first.  Ask them if you have permission to disclosure how they are affecting you.

In any event, I think what really triggered me a couple of weeks ago was the Woo Woo statement to the effect that "I can feel your empathy for me, but I don't want it.  Its more about you then it is about me."  There was something in that for both of us.  There always is.  That is the whole point you know.   And its not just what Judith Orloff M.D. would say...lol   Its just portals and portals, like endless Russian dolls.  Some portals are better left alone.  I'm slowly learning that.  Shit, after 55 years you would think I'd have that figured out by now.