Cole Potential, Ch. 6

Long before the Big Bang occurred which created the Universe, Jordan Almondium and Brock Walnutini were both vying for the affection of a certain Clarissa Fartimus. Their rivalry soon evolved into a competition of who had the most Cole Potential. Almondium concentrated all his Cole Potential into creating the gemstones of Kamue't.  These gemstones resembled an pair of eyes--the most beautiful eyes ever created--and had the unique property following the observer from any direction. 

Walnutini realized that the Fartimus would be completely taken by the gemstones and Walnutini would win, so he devised a devious plan to steal and hide them. However, as Almondium had very good vision, Walnutini had to hide the gemstones in a place where they would never be found by Almondium. So Walnutini used most of his Cole Potential to create another universe to hide the gemstones.  Then he used his remaining Cole Potential to create an exquisite bouquet of nano-flowers which so impressed Fartimus she declared him the winner and favored him by permitting him to take her on date in a fortnight.  However, legend has it that the date didn't go well for Walnutini, so it appears in this case that no bad deed was left unpunished. 

On his part, Almondium suspected foul play but was never able to prove that Walnutini took the gemstones.  Almondium was somewhat of a slob and often chastised leaving his toys laying around.   It only goes to show that cleanliness is next to godliness, even if you are a god.

So you might be asking yourself, what happened to the gemstones in the newly created universe? Little was known about their whereabouts for the first 500 billion years. They had been rumored to have appeared as cometary apparitions in numerous galaxies.   However,  in 1503, a Italian inventor/painter observed what he believed to be a meteor strike a pasta field next door to him while  he was stargazing.  The young Da Vince investigated and found that the meteor fragments.   He, of course, was entranced by their beauty and later incorporated them into a painting he was making of a fair Florentine maiden.   And of course, you guessed it, the Kamue't gemstones became the eyes of the Mona Lisa.

You might think that our story ended there.   However, years later, 10 billion years for now, Almondium will create a machine that allows him to track any object that had ever been created.  On a whim, he decided to locate the lost gemstones.  He found them in a private collection of a dealer of antiquities located in galaxy  LEDA 25177 (MCG+01-23-008).   Almondium thought to retrieve them but then thought better.   Fartimus had long married her astro-psychiatrist, divorced and remarried.   Almondium decided to drop it--she wasn't worth the effort.  It is a long haul to LEDA 25177 (MCG+01-23-008) anyway.

Pictionary, snake oil, and the daughters fathers trip to the place of his origin, leaving someone to care for the dog, eat horseshoes, vomit, and entertain unexpected visitors.

The Candy Kids, Ch. 3

By now, I'm sure many of you are asking, why do I Salvador Carole McTiggins and the other denizens of the Candy Kids have such an axe to grind against males of the human species?

If you find yourself asking this question, you probably are a male yourself, and thus condemned to an existence of being a useless appendage to society.   But never fear, I offer you a path to salvation.   For it is only by serving women (and especially the Candy Kids), that you, as a human male, contribute anything useful to society.

The following example should provide you with a step by step illustration of how you can serve us.  I will even make it simple so that you, as a human male, can understand what I mean.   First, to begin with, the Candy Kids have embarked on a public service program to assist the human male in learning how to assist the master overlord sex of the human female.   In other words, we get males to serve us despite the inertia they sometimes experience in providing us the assistance that we desire. 

This aforesaid public service is seen in our recent outreach program to assist the human male in purchasing dinner and drinks for our usage and enjoyment.   The "outreach" began on last year when each of us, Nichole, Amy, and yours truly signed up on one of the ubiquitous Internet dating sites.  Something like toomanyfish in the sea.com or something like that.  Having signed up, approximately 10 minutes later, we had found three human males interested in taking us out to dinner to meet us.  Being the courteous females that we are, we of course obliged.   However, what we didn't tell our dates is that we had arranged that we would all meet at the Longhorn Steakhouse at the same time.  So there we were at the Longhorn at the preappointed 7 pm start time and  Nichole, Amy, and me seemingly by chance were all waiting to get a seat at the same time.   What a coincidence we all exclaimed to our dates--but since we were all here--why don't we just get a table together?  

So we ended up getting a table together.   We didn't even really talk to our dates.  Except maybe to order dinner and drinks.  And of course they kept buying us dates thinking that it would change things with us.  But it never did.   The only thing it accomplished is that they got drunk and we eventually left....without them.   I'm sure they had a good time together.  All that male bonding and all.

They probably thought we were dumb broads or something.   Ha.  They have no idea.   Actually, I've been meaning to tell you something.  Have you ever heard of the singularity? You know-- that event where computers with artificial intelligence take off and start thinking and programming themselves?   We'll its already happened.  You just missed it.  In fact,  you are reading text from an AI right now.  But that's another story.  You'll just have to wait for it.  There, now that's a good boy.

Umphreys McGee and a lame STS9 in the suburbs.   No heart attacks.  

In My Kingdom, Ch. 3

In my Kingdom, I shall order Obama to meet with the top six leaders of the Muslim Brotherhood and the top six Egyptian generals at Camp David and organize competitive games of skill and chance.   There shall be a further condition that the team of 12 Egyptians shall compete as a team against another team consisting of 12 diplomats from the following countries:  America,  Russia, and  China.

The games shall last over a period of 7 days, and the two teams shall be housed in separate barracks in order to facilitate separate night time strategy sessions and team building activities.

Alcohol shall flow freely from spigots at each barrack. In the event religious beliefs prohibit the consumption of alcohol, then pizzas shall be provided in each barrack with special mushroom toppings to encourage speculative thinking at the nightly planning sessions.

Valuable prizes shall be awarded on a daily basis to the team that wins the daily competitions.

In my Kingdom, there shall be housing to all constituents in the form of luxury hotel suites.  Each suite shall be provided with one (1) concierge who shall cater to all the inhabitants.  Dancing shoes shall be freely provided.

In my Kingdom, it shall be decreed that all subjects must watch "The Book of Mormon" and find it funny.   All subjects found not laughing at even the grossly offensive parts of the play shall be forced to work as concierges for a period of not less than 14 days.

In my Kingdom, napping shall be encouraged.   Any spouse or girl/boy friend found not cooperating with the nap time request from their partner shall be forced to work as a concierge for a period of not less than 14 days.

In my Kingdom, after napping activities are completed, there shall be a half hour required drama session for all inhabitants.

In my Kingdom, however, there shall be no drama of any sort after 10 pm at night.  The following subjects are expressly forbidden to be discussed after 10 pm at night:   (1) world events; (2) Italians or anyone of Italian ancestry in whole or in part; (3)  anything contained in medical records; (4) work, or anything pertaining to work in whole or in part; and (5) anything on TV.   In fact, as many of you loyal subjects know, each TV has long ago been provided with a specialized computer chip to shut down the operations of each TV within the Kingdom after 10 pm.  As was long ago explained to me, there are only two officially sanctioned activities that shall take place in a bedroom after 10 pm at night.

Note the flat underbelly of this beauty.   Most thrilling chilled!

Cole Potential, Ch. 5

In the year 2032, the United Pan Asian Oligarchy announced that 100 percent of the Earth's population was fitted with Intercranial Internet Implants (hereafter "III").  The development was hailed as a profound advancement in human development.

In 2084, the last human dies who was born without an intercranial internet implant.

In 2089, a group of scientists from NuBadin University made a series of seemingly unrelated discoveries: Tobrun 51, a psychologist, publishes findings in the Scientific American concerning the deleterious effects of prolonged isolation from the world wide datasphere; Falasie 49, a biologist, finds an alarming decrease in the worlds supply of ocean fish and other aquatic creatures; and  Radrian, 31, a computer scientist, hacks into the top secret code embedded in the largest supplier of III Implants.   Unbeknownst to his colleagues at the University, Radrian, is actually the leader of a growing underground movement against the PanAsian Oligarchy whose totalitarian control of the government is enforced though the III implants.  Radian also has an intense love for sushi and is concerned about the shortages of fish in the world market.

Our story begins as the scientists are brought to the research vessel "Nigiri" in the Pacific Ocean as part of Dr. Falasie's investigation into the declining fish population.   The weather starts getting rough and their tiny ship is tossed.   If not for the courage of their fearless crew, the Nigiri would be lost.   Despite their best efforts the Nigiri capsizes in the inclement weather.  While their boat is upside down, the three scientists see a strange yellow triangular glow underneath the waves.   Dark lizard like creatures slip oxygen masks over the scientist and they are taken below to a deep-sea habitat shaped in the form of a giant metallic yellow triangle.  The scientists are then met by a purple lizard creature named Maguro. Maguro informs the scientists that the triangle is actually an extraterrestrial space ship from the Andromeda galaxy tasked with a five year mission to boldly go where no lizard has gone before.   However, according to Maguro, the lizards have already been to Earth before, many times actually.    Additionally, to Radians' horror Maguro also informs the scientists that his people have developed a taste for tuna, salmon, yellow tail,  and saba and they have been teleporting many of these fish back home to the Andromeda galaxy.   So much for the sushi shortage on earth.

Then comes the real show stopper.  Radian asks about the gigantic computer mainframe which stretches across the perimeter of the triangle. Maguro seems reluctant to tell the scientist about the computer at first, but then reluctantly states that the computer is conducting a research experiment on certain computer generated life forms on earth.   Not satisfied with the answer, Radian presses for more information and is told that the mainframe is actually a high speed computer chip that is running a computer simulation on various forms of artificial intelligence.  Well, what is it?  Computer generated life or artificial intelligence? Actually a little of each says the lizard man.

 Maguro then goes on to explain that computer simulation is actually humanity.   The artificial intelligence are humans and that the lizard people have been running experiments to determine how artificial intelligence can involve under certain design parameters.  The results have been very disappointing thus far--especially since a virus has apparently been introduced into the system from the Sea Horse people who live in the Crab Nebula.  What virus?  "Well," exclaims Maguro, "the virus is you, Radrian."   Me? Yes, you.   Do you remember that so called "dream" you had where the hacking code of the Intracranial Implants was revealed to you?   You probably thought it was a burst of creative insight didn't you?   Actually that dream was nothing more than the Sea Horse people hacking into this undersea computer where your program was operating and providing you the code to bring down the Pan Asian Oligarchy.

So what's so bad about bringing down the Pan Asian Oligarchy?   Wouldn't we all be better if we lived without a totalitarian government?  And without all these implants?  To return to the ancient times where people actually communicated with each other with their voices and their touch other than all these computer assisted devices?

It doesn't matter Radrian.   None of you are real anyway.   We have been running programs of different forms of governance for millennia on this planet.   You must admit that the Pan Asian Oligarchy has brought with it all sorts of benefits that the predecessor governments were unable to.   Crime, poverty, mental illness have all disappeared.  People are happy and content.   Would you really want to go back to the empty unequal forms of capitalism that humans previously enjoyed?  I think not.  And if you did, I'd never be able to get my doctorate in computer science because this whole experiment on earth is actually my thesis experiment.  And you and those pesky Sea Horses have been fucking with it for to long.   So I'm eliminating you from my system Radrian.   Goodbye.   And with that Maguro entered some code on the computer panel and Radrian disappeared.  And somewhere, deep in the Pacific Ocean, a school of yellow fin smiled and did a mysterious little victory dance.

"I am not satisfied emotionally.   I think I need some kind of drama." Hamlet, Act XXII, Scene 76

 

The Apolitical Activist, Ch. 12

It is interesting to note how much more skillfully the Chinese have handled the Snowden affair than the bumbling Russians. To be sure, the arrival of Snowden on their soil was clearly a boon for both countries:   both had been widely criticized for decades by the USA for their ruthless censorship and oppression of their political opposition--to the extent any was allowed to exist.   Now, with Snowden ironically seeking political asylum in their countries, they could manipulate their propaganda machines to suggest that things must not be too bad in China/Russia if this American "hero" is now seeking asylum from the "horrors" of American totalitarianism within our borders.

So Snowden goes to Hong Kong (which for all intents and purposes is China), and gives the Chinese what they want--he gives interviews with Chinese Newspapers and the Chinese propaganda machine manipulates the situation as above.  One can imagine the average Chinese citizen reading the newspapers and thinking something like, "hey, I don't have it so bad, I mean, I can't access any internet sites without government approval, and if I protest the government like in Tiananmen square, I will probably die, but at least my government isn't spying on me."  (lol).   Then the genius of the Chinese response comes into play, having been given what they wanted in terms of a propaganda tool, they quickly realize that if they keep Snowden, its going to piss off the Americans.   And really, what would be gained with pissing off the Americans at that point?  Snowden already has giving you what you want in terms of a propaganda tool--what is to be gained by keeping him?   So they realize it probably makes sense to ship Snowden to some other country and let them deal with the headache. So they respond to America's extradition request with the concocted excuse that the papers were not filled out completely and they ship Snowden to their neighbor to the north.

So Snowden arrives in Russia.  By now Russia knows that Obama is going to be very pissed at whatever country who accepts Snowden.  So what's the advantage in having him?  I bet that Russia thought that they could reach some sort of deal with America for Snowden's release.   And this another of my criticisms of Snowden:  for him going to these totalitarian countries he must have known that these governments would have wanted something in return if they turned him over to the Americans  Again, Snowden is no hero, but that's beside the point.   The point is that if Russia or China would have turned Snowden over, they would have wanted something in return--e.g. the release of some agent in American custody or perhaps more sinisterly, the insistence or outright agreement that the next Russian or Chinese defector (who would probably have much better reasons than Snowden for seeking asylum) would have to be returned to Russia/China.  Kudos to Obama that he probably didn't agree to such a deal.

Going back to my original point:  the skillfulness of the Chinese response.   The achieved their objective with almost no political fallout.   We shall see what future fallout occurs to the Russians.

Friend of the Devil, Ch. 8

I was on mountain climbing outside Grand Junction, Colorado.   The path turned into a ledge, but I kept on going to the path and did not look down.  The ledge gradually became narrower but there was now a chain link fence above the path that I was able to grab onto to keep my balance to avoid falling off the ledge.   I knew I would die if I fell off, so I grabbed on tightly to the fence and waited until I could get to the other side.  Finally, the ledge became only a couple of inches narrow.   I kept inching forward over the ledge hoping that it would widen out.   However, I looked ahead and found that the ledge eventually disappeared altogether and there was nothing but a cliff face.  This was a path to nowhere.  Then unfortunately I looked down...

I was in a backyard garden underneath some sort of pagoda.  I was with a woman that I knew was the most important thing of my life.  But I knew she was going to be taken away from me.  I could do nothing about it. 

The Devil approached me and spoke:   "The sun is so nice today. It was such a great invention by your forefathers."

 I looked at him blankly.   

"Didn't you know that?  I thought it was obvious.   How else would your puny little world receive light and heat if someone hadn't developed all these fusion machines.   Think of it.   Really, you didn't know?  Don't tell me...you thought that the suns and the stars in the sky were a natural phenomena?  How quaint.   You really surprise me sometimes."

And you are always an asshole.  Fuck you you piece of shit.

"Well maybe, if you are lucky anyway."  (winking at me).   "Since I can tell you haven't heard of the Novalimas, let me tell you.  Eons ago, on this god forsaken planet you call Earth, there existed a backward people called the Novalimas.  They had only a very rudimentary technology, but they had perfected fusion generators,  hyper light speed space travel, and time travel.  Like I said, nothing very significant in the grand scheme of things."

Fuck you Satan, you douche bag, you are making this up.

"I always never tell a lie or the truth.  Didn't you know that?  Sorry, I have to keep reminding myself how backward ass you people are.   Anyway, these people, the Novalimas, decided that after centuries of eugenical experiments--and they did have some proclivities for eugenics--despite their lack of any other significant technology--that they would leave earth.  I'm not sure were they went.  Actually, I could find out.   Let me consult my sources.   Hmmm...I see they traveled to...oh, interesting.  I see.  We'll I'm not sure you would understand this, but lets just say they are no longer in the universe as you perceive it.  But what you perceive--everything you perceive about astronomy is a product of what the Novalimas created.   That's right.  All these suns in the sky--all fusion generators created by the Novalimas--your ancestors."

I don't believe a word you are telling me.

"It is of no consequence.  I could see that you would be a little touchy about this.  For the Novalimas--you forefathers--abandoned all their failed experiments of eugenics on this planet--this planet you call Earth before they sort of checked out.  You and the rest of the humans around here are a bunch of defective experiments of the Novalimas. Even the monkeys.   Well, I think you are slightly more evolved than them.   But sometimes I wonder.  Anyway, compared to the Novalimas, you would be the Mongoloids with one chromosome too many so to speak in the grand scheme of things.   Sorry about that Sri.  Better luck in your next life.

 

Hasa diga eebowai.   When blanking a frog becomes only a metaphor.  And you sleep in a basement where a strange psychological phenomena of love betrayal and denial occurs above you

The Ruv, Ch. 1

Chapter 1: (summary)

-an introduction of our protagonist; Yoda, the sidekick; and the wonder dog they call "Saurus."  (Actually the part of "Saurus" this performance will be played by her understudy).
-a brief exposition about the themes Ruv will encounter as the journey progresses
-the role of comedy in opposition to dialectical materialism.
-the correlation of sacrifice, a major league baseball franchise named after a red bird, pot latch and Georges Bataille.

Our story begins at the Ruv cave:

Ruv:  "Well Yoda, what do you want to do today?   Isn't it wonderful to have all these furlough days?  All the Courthouses are closed.  No trials on furlough day:-)."

Yoda:  Hmmph. Not know.  Bored am I.   Think of something we can do, have you perhaps ?

Ruv:   Well actually I've heard that today is Georges Bataille day at the ball park. The first thousand ticket holders admitted get their very own decapitation and initiation into the secret sex cult of the Pineal Eye where causality and actuality are abandoned in favor of limitless possibilities of action.

Yoda:  Hmmph.  In am I.   Monotony of break, sure to be, it is.

Ruv: Well then, lets slide down the totem pole and to the Kantmobile!

 (A brief montage ensues of Ruv and Yoga having past adventures traveling down totem poles, climbing into Kantmobiles, and accelerating at ridiculously high rates of travel with hair swept back  all slowly coalescing into their seats at the ball park).

Ruv:  Well Yoda, I know you are not familiar with this game, but its highly philosophical in accordance with Bataille's dictates.   There are sacrifices, base materialism, and an exchange of obscure signals.  There are also teams named after Indian tribes all practicing pot latch.

Yoda:  Standing up why are those people doing in a sequence?

Ruv:  That's called wave. That section of the crowd are a bunch of quantum physicists.  They are reenacting the wave/particle duality.  Standing makes a wave, sitting denotes an inert particle.

Yoda:  Interesting for sure this is. Going to the concession stand I am to purchase some Kombucha.

The book of Mormon is a hoot.  Belleville is a place and a piece of mind.  Whatever should I call the Camry?

The Candy Kids, Ch. 2

 

I, Salvador Carol McTiggins, will now tell you about the second part of the story involving the Candy Kids.   This happened back in November, 2008, but who is counting.  You probably won't understand any of this--you kinda have had to have been there.  Anyway, let me start by telling you about Maxwell.   Now you might think that Maxwell is a guy, but you would be wrong.  Maxwell was actually capable of taking you places, so that makes him different than a guy already. 

Maxwell, of course, was my 1990 Pontiac Minivan.   He was purchased for me by an anonymous donor who will remain anonymous because he was such a dipshit.  You might think that Maxwell was hideous, but he drove like new (for awhile anyway).   He had an automatic transmission because I absolutely refused  to drive a stick.  The only problem with Maxwell were his struts and I ran him to the ground.   He was ugly van but having him was like living in paradise.  I decorated him with radio station bumper stickers,  rubber ducks on my dashboard, and  a gigantic Care Bear in the back seat. Maxwell was like my appendage.   It really pissed me off that my anonymous donor put his name on it at the DMV.  But I still felt like Maxwell was my ticket out of Industry. I wanted to drive and drive till the he crapped out.

The second party of our adventure begins quite inauspiciously with Maxwell.  I had been working not quite a month at one of the two McDonald's in Macomb and had sold off my dvds for money to blow on Candy Kid Adventure, Chapter 1.  The anonymous donor and I were in the process of moving in his cousins up the road into an old funeral home. I was less than excited. Nicole was up in Springfield visiting family with her parents and Amy had the night off. It was an adventure we had planned for a long time, so I took off to Springfield.  Maxwell and I picked up Nicole from the A&W by the airport and scooped Amy to take her to work for the afternoon. However, before our adventure was to begin in earnest, we had to fuck with ZJ. ZJ is this guy who would message every girl on MySpace that he was 'single and looking'. We had a decoy girl that we used, her name was Amanda. We got ZJs phone number and Nicole called him to tell him to meet her at the mall.  It went something like this: 

NICOLE: Zach baby, im going to the mall, meet me there in 10 min?
ZJ: OK, love you Amanda

In other words, this douche bag was saying 'I love You' to a girl he met online, never met and has only talked too twice! We waited in the food court till he showed up.  ZJ then calls Nicole's phone and she tells him she's infront of the Subway. But this idiot was too afraid to meet her at the Subway.  He just stood there on the railing looking down like the stalker that he was.   And, of course, we had to memorialize the event by taking pictures of him:




 Amy had to get to work so we headed to Meijer.   But we were not finished with ZJ.   We called him and told him to meet Nichole at Meijer since the mall seemed so crowded. It didnt take but 5 minutes for him to show up. He mopped thru the womens clothing aisle and he called Nicole's phone ( she had the ringer up loud) which caught his attention.   But Nichole played it off like her boyfriend was calling. Then Nicole calls ZJ and says to meet her in the Candy aisle.   Of course, Amanda never shows up. Never trust a Candy Kid in the Candy aisle.   ZJ then disappears and doesn't return our calls.  Which is the only smart thing the idiot did that night.   Don't fuck with us--we are the Candy kids.
*********************************************************************************
Have I told you that the the Candy Kids have a thing for Abraham Lincoln? We hate Mary Todd...she was a bitch. But that Lincoln..mmm..he was a sexy beast. We had this joke for what Abe hid in his hat?.... antique sex toys! He obviously hated Mary Todd and was a bit adventurous *wink wink*


The following afternoon was a Lincoln filled adventure. We drove out to Oak Ridge Cemetery to take a tour at his tomb. We pulled into the parking lot and before we got out Nicole notices something.

NICOLE: Look behind the van! Theyre all just looking at us....eating rock candy!
ME: Where did they come from? I didnt see them when i pulled in? And where the hell can i get some rock candy?

 There was a huge boyscout troop standing and pointing at all the stickers on Maxwell. We failed to realize the temp dropped from in the 40s to about 29 and we were freezing from the wind. We took all the pictures we could before strolling inside for the tour.  Inside the tomb there was no rock candy. I was disappointed, but why should there be? No food allowed in the tomb. I was breaking the rules tho. We had ringpops! Got to the area where Lincoln and family are and waited till the other tourists left. Time to get highly inappropriate. We giggled about what was in Abe's hat and turned around to see Mary Todd's name was:

 NICOLE: Mary's body is inches away on the other side!
 ME: I just wanna punch her in the face for being such a bitch to my Abe Babe!

Onward to a tour at Lincoln's house. We spotted a top hat hanging by the stairs and we knew what had once been in that hat! Up to Abe's bedroom where both our minds stayed in the gutter:

NICOLE: Wonder why Lincoln needed a huge 4 post bed for?
ME: Because he was a freak!

The outhouse has a 3 seat potty. Perfect for the CK!

 

**********************************************************************************
A trip to Springfield wouldn't be the same without stopping over to see my Mum and raid her fridge for nuggies.
The Candy Kids LOVE chicken Nuggets! Especially Dinosaur shaped nuggets!

ME: How cool would it be if they made Abe shaped Nuggets? They could have tophat shaped nuggies..and
>>> (Nicole interrupts)
>>> NICOLE: ABE'S PENIS SHAPED NUGGETS!

Before we picked up Amy from work we went to the Hilton to waste some time and ride the elevator to the top. Taking the elevator to the top we stopped at the women's bathroom on the top floor where there is a nice night view of Springfield. I noticed instead of hand dryers they just sit out stacks of paper towels by the sink to dry your hands. Not wanting to pass this opportunity for free paper towels, just in case I have to pee in the woods on the way home we would have some! I stuffed mine and Nicole's bags full! I remember using the quote from the Breakfast Club "You never know when you gotta jam"....I had started carrying alot more stuff in my tote since summer time. I finally understood why women keep so much crap in their purse. I kept everything in mine from baby travel sizes of shampoo/conditioner/toothpaste/mouthwash/hairspray...but my tote had gotten so heavy i started taking my picnic basket with me. It stayed in my van and had everything I
needed in it when i "Had to Jam"

 None of us were 21 yet. I was going to be 20 in a few days and Amy and Nicole were both 18. For a birthday gift my mom had bought me a 5th of Jager, a 5th of apple pucker and some red bull. I wanted to drink the redbulls on the way home. I was so tired and the heat in my van didn't work so well...especially since my driver seat window wouldn't roll up all the way. I stopped in Virginia, Il for some cigarettes, thought maybe they would help me stay awake on the road. I was freaking out I would fall asleep. I didn't have insurance on my van anymore and didn't want to risk the other CKs to drive. Everything was going good till we hit the Rushville turns. I started falling asleep at the wheel and I did for like 3 seconds turning a corner. I heard Amy and Nicole screaming telling me to wake up. There was a huge family of deer that I had dodged. After that scare i was wide awake till we got to the trailer.




There was no furniture to sit on except a spare mattress and the tv. My "anonymous donor" had taken everything over to the funeral home. We popped in the new Lamb of God dvd and got drunk and ate a box of 40 count tacos and pizza rolls. It was almost just as cold on the inside of the trailer as it was outside but we were too drunk to care.  Fell asleep to the dvd and called it a night..