The Farmers Daughter, Ch. 1

The farmers daughter sleeps with the TV on.

This was so even before the divorce.

The farmers daughter wakes before her children and makes breakfast for them before they get up.

This was so even before the divorce.

The farmers daughter goes to work each day after her children get on the bus.

This was so even before the divorce.

The farmers daughter takes her children to practice every day after work.

This was so even before the divorce.

The farmers daughter reads to her children each day before they go to bed.

This was so even before the divorce.

The farmers daughter had a lousy taste in men.

This was so even before the divorce.

The farmers daughter deserved better.

This was so even before the divorce.

The farmers daughter sleeps with the TV on.

This was so even before the divorce.

Tattoo you, Ch. 7

So, Salvador, are you a functional alcholic?

S:  What else am I going to do at work on breaks?

Give me that Andre
4LOKO errrday
Give me that UV
Cheap alcohol please Straight up and on the rocks My liver's hella shot Fuck all the bro's and jocks Tonight I'm rollin' the cops This ain't no A&E You won't see me on Intervention straight A student Honor rollin' Sneaking vodka in detention

and you know what they say about LOKO--don't you lawyerman?
one gets you fucked up
two gets you high
three takes your clothes off
and four kills you
My friend Lindsey (and who the fuck is Lindsey?)--she had three in her car waiting for my ass at a bar.

We are the Candy Kids
an Arch over the Cupcake,
its all over my right bicep--can't you see?
but we ain't so sweet
We three drive around a scary van
we be scaring the kids in your neighbor hood
asking them if they want some of our candy
and they run from us back in their house
but we circle the block
and come back--we always come back like a bad nightmare
we scare them again, again and again, them and their mothers
fuck them, we bitches are bad
and if you eat our shit,
don't be surprised if you wake up--
with us breathing over you
its supposed to happen that way
like i said we bitches are bad
and we got the pharmacy on our side.

Because we are Salvador Carole McTiggins,
and Linsdey--shit I forgot how to spell her name.  Sosko? 
Look at my other arm--
See that tatoo?  We had so much fun at Rob Zombie that I wanted to put her name there, but
I was so fucked up, that I just couldn't get it right,
yes, you tell all your lawyer friends
that I just couldn't get it right.
but its right there, to the right of the tombstone
and Rob.

(The Brewhouse three--until a better name emerges).

From Another Dimension, Ch. 3

Friday April 3, 33 A.D.

Eusebius, Jerusalem

Yeshu, a middle aged Jewish man was wrongfully accused of stealing bread.

Actually, he had neither stolen nor eaten for some time in his fast.

What he had done over the course of several years was develop a close relationship with a local prostitute.

A Pharisee, who had been carefully cultivating an altogether different relationship with the woman brought the charge against Yeshu to eliminate a potential rival.

The local population feared the Pharisee and even though they knew Yeshu was innocent said nothing to support him at the tribunal.

As a result, Yeshu received a death sentence.

Though Yeshu did not receive any support at his trial, a large crowd gathered as he was hoisted on the cross.  A faint rustle of the wind though window could be heard as Yeshu pronounces:

"E′li, E′li, la′ma sa‧bach‧tha′ni?"

Overhead, the crowd bows as a golden light shines, and an inter-dimensional portal materializes in an otherwise clear sky. Golden light shimmers though a jagged opening. Though the streaming light, a mass of prismatic tendrils materialize over the crowd eventually enveloping Yeshu. Surrounded in the sensual embrace of the tendrils, he looks up, his smile now serene.

back in springfield from grand junction, nederland, denver, and boulder.  the 9th door twice, cho long and the supper club.   Last with the aviators

From Another Dimension, Ch. 2

Wednesday December 21, 1988, 5:52 P.M.

Heathrow Airport, London, United Kingdom.

Sarah Schneider, an American college student studying in Britain for the fall semester waits in line to board Pan Am Flight 103 bound for New York's John F. Kennedy International Airport.

On 5 December 1988 (16 days prior to the flight), the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) issued a security bulletin saying that on that day a man with an Arabic accent had telephoned the U.S. Embassy in Helsinki, Finland, and had told them that a Pan Am flight from Frankfurt to the United States would be blown up within the next two weeks by someone associated with the Abu Nidal Organization.

On 18 December 1988 (2 days prior to the flight), security forces in a number of European countries, including Britain, were put on alert after a warning from the Palestine Liberation Organization (PLO) that extremists might launch terrorist attacks to undermine the then ongoing dialogue between the United States and the PLO.

As Ms. Schneider entered the Jet Bridge a faint rustle of the wind though window could be heard.
Overhead, and unobserved by any of the other passengers, an inter-dimensional portal materializes in an otherwise clear sky. Golden light shimmers though a jagged opening in the Jet Bridge.   Though the streaming light, a mass of prismatic tendrils materialize over the passengers eventually enveloping Ms. Schneider. Surrounded in the sensual embrace of the tendrils, she looks up, her smile now serene.

Hypothetical Inventions, Ch.2

Maximizing Stimulation of the Medial Brachial Cutaneous Nerve in Tickleectomy:  An Anatomical Study


Objective:  With more and more patients dealing with fatigue, sleep problems, headaches, depression, anxiety, and fibromyalgia there has been an increased demand for skilled practitioners to develop standardized techniques for maximizing stimulation of the medial brachial nerve in tickleectomy.  Knuthead and Debag describe efficacy of the tickleectomy at the Mayo Clinic and report nearly a 85% success rate with the full tickleectomy protocol applied.  Unfortunately, up to now, the medical community has failed to consistenty provide standardized treatment regimes for practitioners of the tickleectomy to duplicate the successes of the Knuthead study.

Methods:  It is imperative that the victim remain restrained during the tickleectomy procedure.  In this study, the victims's arms were placed palm up on padded arm boards, slightly abducted approximately 60 degrees from the main axis of her body. Both arms were secured to arm boards by means of two-inch "hook and loop" straps (similar to VELCRO^®) affixed loosely over the  victims's forearms.  If the victim is able to move during the procedure, the efficacy of the procedure diminishes exponentially with the coefficient of movement permitted.

Next, the skilled practitioner must identify and isolate the medial brachial nerve for maximum effect.   This anatomical feature is nomally located at about 7 cm proximal to the medial epicondyle, and there is an arborization of 2 to 3 cutaneous branches at that point which can also be stimulated.  However, the nerve sends 3 to 4 branches through the muscular fascia across the ulnar nerve to skin of the medial arm at about 15 cm proximal to the medial epicondyle which should also prove fertile ground for the application of the tickle protocol.


Conclusions: Gargalesis was demonstrated by repeated application to high pressure sensitive areas.  Hypergargalesthesia  was reported in all cases, even those in the placebo control group.   These results confirm that further study and repeated application of tickle protocols must be applied to achieve the desired treatment outcomes.

Silster Wilster, Ch. 7

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The Dancer, Ch. 6

The most difficult thing about being single again was avoiding the stalkers.

When she met someone named "Action" she was truly frightened.

Action:  They call me "Action."

The Dancer:  (thinking) Oh my God.  You can't be serious.   I don't know who gave you that nickname, but they were seriously misguided.

Action:  Hey, you should check out the Grateful Garcia music festival this summer.  Its my favorite.  Clothes are optional.   I dig it.

Narrator:  The Dancer's stomach turned with the thought of Action without any clothes.  This man had serious facial hair.   He looked like a chipmunk.  Who was that President with the funky beard that stuck out from the side of his face?  Chester Arthur?  That's what he looked like:

Narrator:  The Dancer walks away without saying a word.  A funny thought occurs to her.  That man had more hair on his face than I have pubic hair.   Especially that my husband made me shave it all off.  Oh well, its all going to grow back now :-).

The Music Lover, Ch. 13

What do you call a tripod with one leg?

Answer #1:

Pete Daly "was a working man
He used to load that Econoline van.
A sparkle was in his eye
But his life was in his hands.

Well, late at night
when the people were gone
He used to pick up my guitar
And sing a song in a shaky voice
That was real as the day was long."

He sang:

One day I'll find an island
a piece a time of grace
a chance an opportunity
on girl will change this place.

"Early in the mornin'
at the break of day
He used to sleep
until the afternoon.
If you never heard him sing
I guess you won't too soon.

'Cause people let me tell you
It sent a chill
up and down my spine
When I picked up the telephone
And heard that he'd died
out on the mainline.

Tonight's the night,
tonight's the night
Tonight's the night,
tonight's the night.

Gone are the days when the ox fall down
he'd take up the yoke and plow the fields around
Gone are the days when the ladies said "please,
gently Pete Daly won't you come to me?"

Brown eyed women and red grenadine
the bottle was dusty but the liquor was clean
Sound of the thunder with the rain pouring down
and it looks like the old man's getting on."

Answer #2:

John Ducky McGinnis:  "Well, it wasn't
supposed to go
down that way... they left him lying
in the driveway.
They let him down with nothin'.
He tried to do his best
but he could not.

Please take my advice,
please take my advice
Please take my advice.
Open up the tired eyes,
Open up the tired eyes.

Well tell me more,
tell me more,
tell me more
I mean was he a heavy doper
or was he just a loser?
He was a friend of mine (sic).
What do you mean,
he had bullet holes
in his mirrors?
He tried to do his best
but he could not.

Please take my advice,
please take my advice
Please take my advice.
Open up the tired eyes,
Open up the tired eyes.

Please take my advice,
please take my advice
Please take my advice.
Open up the tired eyes,
Open up the tired eyes

Gone are the days when the ox fall down
he'd take up the yoke and plow the fields around
Gone are the days when the ladies said "please,
gently John McGinnis won't you come to me?"

Brown eyed women and red grenadine
the bottle was dusty but the liquor was clean
Sound of the thunder with the rain pouring down
and it looks like the old man's getting on."

Dark Star.  Cabin Fever.  With Action.  You will hear about it later.  And Youtube Neil Young fest in Springfield.  And Leonard Cohen Dancing to the End of Love on Guitar.  And Depositions with Glowing Marinochka.  And remembering what it all was like, then and now.

Silster Wilster, Ch. 6

Entertainment Hourly NewsFlash:

In a surprise move, spokespersons for President Obama and Governor Romney have announced that the upcoming presidential debates have been cancelled as the candidates prepare for their participation in the new Reality TV series based on the "Lethal Weapon" movie franchise.  Lethal Weapon, the American buddy cop action film originally starred Mel Gibson and Danny Glover as a mismatched pair of LAPD detectives.  In the new Reality TV remake,  the Obama-Romney detective team are hired by other Governments or multi-national corporations to solve the Earth's most intransigent issues.

The pilot episode for the series reportedly has the detective duo being retained by a consortium of Deutche Bank, Credit Suisse, Credit Agricole SA (CASA), and a host of hedge funds to locate and retrieve money that was originally lent to Greece and Italy by these institutions.  Further scheduled episodes involve the infiltration and neutralization of the Iranian blockade of the Straits of Hormuz, the kidnapping and coup d'etat of President Assad in Syria and the repelling of the alien invasion from Syrix X9 (the season finale--co-starring Jackie Chan as Hu Jintao, and Ed Harris as Vladimir Putin).

Former President Clinton has apparently been contacted about making a prequel to this Reality TV show in which he and Secretary of State Hilary Clinton would team up as a husband wife duo to in the tradition of the Hart to Hart television show to fight international terrorism.  President Clinton has refused to comment on this development.

Hypothetical Inventions, Ch.1

Prototype MXR-371---Fast scan EEG receiver transceiver recorder (RTR).

Application Protocol--Omnibus Brain Scan Capture/Storage Device.

Abstract--This device provides the practical application for the discovery of the Consciousness Frequency Sensory Flux (CFSF) first noted by Fedelstein et. al (J. Neuro V. XXV, Spring 2027).  The MXR-371 through its patented super heterodyned wave array is able to capture, reproduce, and store CFSF waveforms.  These waveforms can then be reproduced for commercial, law enforcement and military applications.

Press Release--Windows of the Soul (NASDAQ:  WTSL,  87  +117%), the leader in advanced bio and nano-technology solutions announces Phase I approval from the FDA for its MXR-371 Fast Scan EEG receiver transceiver recorder (RTR) marketed under the the "Consciously Conscious" label.  Jared Swenson, Vice President of Research and Development stated that the Consciously Conscious marks a milestone in the evolution of mind capturing technology field:  "Its truly amazing, for the first time we have been able to capture and reproduce the Consciousness Frequency Sensory Flux which allows us to reproduce any consciousness waveform or state.  The device has the widest application for the consumer, law enforcement or military arenas."

With the announcement, WTSL stock skyrocketed to an inter day high of 95, up 122% with 79 times average volume.

Mumon's verse:

The eyes are the windows of the soul

The vast lightning storm inside

ask Mr. Tesla

(at pontiac, behind bars, listening to the uninitiated:-))

Tattoo you, Ch. 6

Scene I:  "Attack of the Barsexual women"

"I really need to protect my sister from all these women who are experimenting with their sexuality."

Omniscient Narrator ("ON"):  Huh?

"She's being taken advantage of by all these hetero woman who like to pretend they are gay."

Omniscient Narrator ("ON"):  Huh?

"She deserves a real lesbian, not one of these barsexual women that have just broken up with their boyfriend. Shit, one of them has kids and is going through a divorce now."

Omniscient Narrator ("ON"):  What's a barsexual woman?

"Its like where these woman like to pretend they are gay and make out with another woman in a bar just for the sake of the image.  They give lesbians a bad name.   And image has nothing to do with sexual orientation.  Hell, I could make out with the Pope, that doesn't mean anything."

Omniscient Narrator ("ON"):  What image is that?

"We'll its like totally cool if two woman make out.  Girl on Girl.  Society condones that.  But if two guys make out its like totally gross.  Its such a double standard.  Just because guys like seeing two women have sex that means that all these normally straight women want to experiment with being gay.  And it pisses me off that they take advantage of my sister and treat her like a dog.   All they want to do is make out with her in a bar, but never want to actually have sex with her. She deserves better."

Scene II:  "The Vagina Monologues"

Omniscient Narrator ("ON"): Which orgasm moan are you portraying?

"I'm the elegant moan"

Omniscient Narrator ("ON"): What are the other types of moans in the play?

"Grace Slick"
"College kid"
"Jewish"
"Clitoral"
"Vaginal"
"Tortured Zen"
"Mountain Top"

Omniscient Narrator ("ON"): Wait a second, how does the tortured zen moan go?

"It sorta sounds like you are being hurt"

Omniscient Narrator ("ON"):  Really.  No way:-)