Step 1: Eat some food. If you don't eat food you wont be able to take a dump. Seriously, do you think Gandhi was able to take a crap on a hunger strike?
Step 2: Eat the right kind of food. Your brain may be in a bind if you live in South Carolina and voted for Gingrich. But that doesn't mean you have to live with chronic constipation. Don't be a brat like Gingrich or eat a BRAT diet (banannas, rice, applesauce and toast). Other foods that can tie you up include meats, ice cream, potatoes. If you are forced to eat your own words, that also can make you tense, and bind you.
Step 3: Drink a ton of water. In fact, drink so much water that you almost spring a leak because of the water pressure. Of course, if you spring a leak, it does not necessarily mean you will take a piss, but maybe sometime else will come out of you. Think about it.
Step 4: Try not to be so full of shit in the first place. Really, Bill, just admit you had the hummer in the oval office, things will go so much smoother for you. Pete, just admit you gambled. Maybe you would get into the hall of fame. Barry, admit you had a little help with all those home runs. Richard Millhouse, admit that you had a thing for wiretaps. Geesh, I don't know about you but i'm feeling better already.
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ReplyDeleteTo be as little of shit as possible is how I play.