Inadequate instructions for just about anything, Ch. 2

How to have sex.


Step 1:   Practice improves the activity.   Practice a lot with yourself before inflicting yourself on anyone else.

Step 2:  Stop thinking about the activity and just do it.  Lose yourself in the activity. This is something you cannot control.    Have you ever tried to stop thinking?   Its like trying to stop your heart beat.  You can slow it down.   But never stop it.

Step 2.5:  Give up control.   Have you ever tried to give up control?  This is something your cannot control.  Its like trying to stop a fart when your stomach is very very upset.   You can squelch the noise some, but depending on what you ate, the evidence will be readily apparent when it is released, even if the noise is silenced.

Step 3:  If issues with sexual mood, function, or muscle remain,  I have "heard" that Abbott Labs makes an excellent product for men called AndroGel.  It comes in a convenient pump dispenser.  There are even some excellent attorneys who represent this product's manufacturer.   Those attorneys remind me that:  AndroGel must not be used if you have known or suspected prostate cancer or breast cancer (a rare condition for men). AndroGel must not be used by women who are pregnant, may become pregnant, or breastfeeding, as testosterone may cause fetal harm. The major risks of AndroGel include prostate enlargement, prostate cancer, and transfer of testosterone to others (including women and children). Transference can occur when vigorous skin-to- skin contact is made with the application site and can be minimized by washing your hands after application and covering the application site with clothing.

Step 4:  Have an emotional connection to the person or person(s) you want to have the activity with.   If you "love" them, it would be most helpful.  Have you ever tried to love someone?  This is something you cannot control.  Its like trying to teach a pig to sing.  It wastes your time and it generally annoys the pig.

Step 5:   Make a game out of the activity.   This is something you can control.   Its like trying to get a dog to salivate at the sound of the bell.  Classical Conditioning.  I have heard the Russians are great at this.  "Classical conditioning involves an individual preparing itself for important biological events in the individual's life, particularly sexual activity. For example, a stimulus that is conditioned to occur before sexual interaction prepares animals both mentally (increased sex drive) and physically (sexually aroused body responses). Sexual arousal can actually be conditioned in human subjects by pairing a conditional stimulus like a picture of a jar of pennies with an unconditional stimulus like an erotic film clip. Similar experiments involving blue gourami fish and domesticated quail have shown that these conditioning techniques often increase the number of offspring, compared to unconditioned males. These findings could possibly be beneficial in terms of conditioning techniques aimed to increase fertility rates in infertile individuals and endangered species (Psychology, Gray)."  Make sure that you create well defined rules of the game.

Step 6:  After you make a game out of the activity with a well defined set of rules, make a point out of not following the rules.

Step 5:  If all else fails, please repeat Step 1.

(At Robust with the Hoekel's, and a Mondo day afternoon with Mondo)