I Want to Hold the Hand Inside You: A Pseudo-Exploration into the Anxiety of Flying

I was getting into a plane under somewhat uncomfortable circumstances, but I don't really remember what they were at the time.  But that was only the start of my problems.  It was a lear jet.   A private jet.   Maybe I was the pilot, but I think my friend B was actually flying.  I can see a rear review mirror of the plane taxiing for takeoff now.

Now we are back inside the plane.  Either B or I set the plane on autopilot.  We trusted some sort of AI for our flight navigation.  Our destination was high in the mountains.

Then the scene pans out as we takeoff and I can now see a computer monitor displaying our progress across the flight map.  I think I was still on the plane at this time, but B and I had left the room that served as a cockpit and we went into the back room to party or lord knows what.  After all, we must not have needed to be in the cockpit room anymore because the AI was flying the plane now and we didn't need to worry about it.  Or so we thought.  Anyway, all I can remember seeing now is the aforementioned flight path map.  I saw the outline of our plane start from its location in Eastern Washington and I saw its intended location.   Somewhere close near by in the mountains of Idaho or Montana.

But almost immediately after liftoff I saw the plane start to deviate from its intended flight plan and head south.  Down across the southern United States and across the Caribbean.   I was immediately concerned.  Didn't they see what was happening?   We had to be at our destination at a specific time and we could not be late.   Couldn't they see what was happening?   Why didn't they/I come out of that other room and see the map about what was happening?  Why couldn't they/I see the Goddamn map! What were they/I thinking?

But the plane kept going inexorably downward now it was in South America and speeding up.  I could see the broad outline of the map of Antarctica looming ahead.   They/we were going to run out of gas.  We were flying over Antarctica now.  We were going to freeze.  We were over the South Pole and now going North on the Other Side of the globe.  Oh my God this is horrible.  But they/I couldn't see it!  Wake up....Wake up....

Rostov:  There is something wrong with him.  He always has to go out and do something.  I've been trying to get him to see a therapist.

Favorite Mother:  We've noticed that about him too.  He is always looking for something to do.

R:  His emotional problems are becoming physical problems.  He is very unhappy.  I can't make him happy.  What is he looking for?  I trust him, but in the back of my mind now I feel like he is still looking for someone else.