It is interesting that I remembered what it was like to be in an Aya adventure and how that knowledge was forgotten except in glimpses. It started with the feeling of unease and anxiety, and when I returned to the farmhouse, I relaxed into it. Then like like a flash I remember how I was in this place, vast, that I had always gone to before, many many times. And it seemed so familiar, and how in this place my current life seemed almost ridiculously funny. For the whole adventure of existence was here, the rest was just a strange sideshow. An endless cycle that kept repeating.
And with this insight, I became even more afraid and I stood up. And I remember the practice to keep going into to it.. And to express love to it, the new place, the sideshow, the totality of it. And gratitude for my life here and all the people. And how it was silly not to express gratitude for the ephemeral situation that we find ourselves in. This manifestation that will be taken away over and over and over again. And I don't really have any messages except that the fear that comes in is a gatekeeper. Indeed, there is some quote from Carl Jung that takes it even further and goes something like that god is that force, voice or whatever that thwarts your plans, ideas, and beliefs and invites you into the numinous.
So take that invite will you, silly. You silly ding dong you. And the message that wants to get to you, and the invite is so foreign and alien to me that that is how it presents itself as fear.
Wow, this somatic descent meditation is hard. My body aches all over. And in the ache I feel isolated, cut off from all my cosmic friends so to speak. But now is the time to just endure. For as Reggie Ray said, even if we don't feel like we are making progress, in ways we cannot understand, we are. That is the whole point.
No comments:
Post a Comment