I Am Not Protected From Above/Crazy Developments

 I watched a rolly polly caterpillar crawl on the outside step as you leave the back of the farmhouse.  I envisioned that its vision was one dimensional.  It could only see down.  Its like a baby crawling that can only look down.  It does have a certain advantage such that if there was food directly beneath it, it could surely see it.  That would be its entire world, eating food beneath it.  I imagined that it could not look up, nor would it need to as it is protected from above from its carapace.  It would never see the predator coming, but hopefully the carapace would protect it.

I imagined we are a little like the caterpillar. We only see our day to day jobs, our lives in this dimension.  Psychedelics allow us to crane our heads up just a bit, to see something we had no idea existed.  Imagine our shock when we discovery a vast reality above us.  And we feel our carapace, or at least I have.  Maybe that explains my sense of agoraphobia on these adventures.  How I don't like to be in the open because I feel so vulnerable.  I wonder if there really are any predators our there in this space.

Then I had this dream I was back in the forest in Wisconsin with Bill and Wendy.  I went to the gate on their property which was closed.  It was dark.  I felt I had been locked out.  I remembered my car was still there.  I went up to where I had pitched my tent and saw to my surprise a big apartment building--as if the entire area was being developed.  I went back to the front and saw a row of hotel's going up, including down by the portal on the steam.

Then today at lunch, I made a water offering to the golden teachers down by the trio of trees and in response they gave me the question of what really was human energy?   I mean, all around me I saw what the trees were doing.  Growing in the sunlight.  Reaching up.  Steady firm strong.  Sharing their bark with a myriad of insects.  But what are we really doing?  I am not talking about our mind.  What is our energy doing?    Where are we reaching up, or are we reaching up? Even if we are bonding with other walking upright apes, where is that energy leading us?  

The Counter-spell

 There is an ingrained thought in my head that is acting like a spell that goes something like this: I go into my medicine space, spirit world, whatever you want to call it, and then when I go back into work, drive a car, make a phone call, that world closes like a portal shutting.  My thought is that I live in two different worlds.   That thought is a spell that I cast on myself, have been casting on myself, for some time.  Probably the result of some long term societal condition or spell.  

Anyway, it doesn't have to be that way.  I can leave the portal open.  Of course, there is no portal, its a gateless gate.  I am the creation of spirit space.  I am the creation of the meat space.  There is no distinction between the two other than what I create.

So cast the counter-spell.  Leave the portal open.  Open up to the non-dual thinking.  Its all in you.  Its all in me.  

You Guys Are Just Amateurs

I was back in the dream at Beaver Dam.  The ceremony, if you want to call it that, was over and we started to walk to the lake.  And my energy was high and I felt exposed and vulnerable.  And this is the fear, being out in the open.  The next time I do this, I need to do it in my own room, safe and locked.  Don't ask to me explain this.  This is why I should not do it in a maloka, or in someone else's house, or around a lake.  At least not yet.  What it opens up leaves me feeling completely unprotected and ungrounded.  And I want to run into some safe protected place.

I thought I was filled with fear.  But really it was just unprocessed energy.  Energy that could become processed if I could take it inside, and by some alchemical emotional process transform it.  In short, I had to step through the energetic gateway of what was being presented.  And surrender to it.  And be consumed.

I was presented with the opportunity for ascension of sorts.  I saw it elevated white light high above me.  I would be literally be lifted off the ground here, and go there.  But I didn't want to.    Not here, not know, this was just not the right place.  Not the right time.

And later, I could hear her voice telling me, all this is you.  The voice of my inner and outer life coach of such.  Don't ask me to explain that one.  So if this fear state was me, it allowed me to bring this energy in and somehow process it.  And I walked back up the hill, back up to the sound of the drumming, if you could call it that, and I had what amounted to a ancient spirit reminding me that I am not honoring the medicine.  That this is not how it is supposed to be done.  And that you guys are amateurs.  You are meddling with something you know nothing about.  And I wished for a teacher.  Somebody that could guide me through all this that I could trust.  

And of course, the universe is the teacher.  The divine union of shiva and shakti energy.  But more to the point, it will take you were you need to go and show you what you need to see.  With or without any medicine.  Like this morning.  In my 35 minute meditation.  With drumming before.  It was IBO.  That is what was playing at the restaurant last night.  And I couldn't remember which beat it was.  Until now.   So I played it.  Then I meditated.  And I was in medicine space without my crop or that crop from South America to assist me.

And that may be the key to my journey here.  Grizz Bear is now contacting me to come to Kentucky.  To meet the dude from Peru.  And I know where I will go if I get there and take the medicine.     And to some extent, I know a little of that now.  That I will be curious and stay.  After all I've been there before.  And when I drop back down I will want to go back there again.  So that is the loop I should probably step through.  I mean I can play this game throughout all eternity I suppose.  But the again, I am just an amateur.  

The Daemon

I woke up around 3 am, and then went back to sleep.  I remember the interesting new meditation instruction to consider the focus of the meditation that which presents itself that appears the most expansive and open ended.  If that makes any sense, lol.  Anyway, that night what presented itself was the imagined spherical location of light in the back of my head.  This seemed to drop me pretty quickly into a lucid dream where I was floating in a room on my back with my hands and legs up. This time I could move about the room, but I still felt like I couldn't go anywhere other than the dark room, even though I was trying.  This was somewhat of an improvement from before where I couldn't move or didn't remember that I had the ability to move.  

I realized that I was in the grip of something, and first thought that it was some sort of alien restraining both my hands and feet from above.  Then I looked more closely at the face, and it had two eyes, but no nose or mouth.  Still I wasn't afraid for some reason, but I remember thinking I need to send this entity love.  Which I did.  Then I looked at its eyes and they seemed to react to my intentions by tearing up slightly.  Of course, this was barely noticeable as there could be no expression from a face that had no eyes or a nose.

At some point later, I screamed, which came from nowhere.  I don't remember being afraid before that.  Which woke up my father who was much younger in this dream, who came in the room I was in wearing underwear.  He was talking to me, but I don't remember what he was saying.  It was all non sense.  That's about all I remember for now.

Hmm, the whole idea of the faceless Daemon is sort of interesting.  As if I am being held (restrained) by some aspect of me that cannot speak of what it knows.  But at least I showed it love, maybe someday it will release its grip over me.    The Woo Woo  Carlyle interpretation is also interesting, suggesting that I am being asked to step into my silent power.  But more specifically, and here is my spin, that my insight is not verbal, for really what are words but throwaway approximations of the unspeakable awesomeness of being that permeates everything.

Dropping the Body

So if you really really pay attention, the universe is always sending you messages of direction.  Like at night, I have so many practices to do.  To meditate on a point, to do remote viewing, to breath from the heart, to summon gratitude, the list goes on and on.  Which one to do at the present moment will appear to you if you pay attention. Like a spirit wanting attention.

So I was dreaming, and some sort of insect was on something like a brick fireplace and it was pierced by something else that had a needle.  And the thought occurred to me that this is my opportunity to go into it, so I did. I became the insect, and then my body dropped out.  Or should I say, I became detached from my body.  It was a different sensation of my remote viewing excursions at night.  I felt literally out of my body.  I was then somewhat disconcerted and a little frightened.  I didn't know what to do.  But I relaxed.  I don't remember what happened after that.  I will be ready next time.  

This out of body experience also happened several weeks ago. I could move at that time.  In the darkness.  Interesting, when I feel this OBE, I am in a dark area, kind of like a void.  I need to learn to navigate this space.  That will be my intention.  Anyway, when it happened several weeks ago, I also heard what I though was a demonic voice laughing at me.  Of course, then I remembered that angels and demons are all part of the same cosmic reality.  They also have their message to listen to.  So there.