You Guys Are Just Amateurs

I was back in the dream at Beaver Dam.  The ceremony, if you want to call it that, was over and we started to walk to the lake.  And my energy was high and I felt exposed and vulnerable.  And this is the fear, being out in the open.  The next time I do this, I need to do it in my own room, safe and locked.  Don't ask to me explain this.  This is why I should not do it in a maloka, or in someone else's house, or around a lake.  At least not yet.  What it opens up leaves me feeling completely unprotected and ungrounded.  And I want to run into some safe protected place.

I thought I was filled with fear.  But really it was just unprocessed energy.  Energy that could become processed if I could take it inside, and by some alchemical emotional process transform it.  In short, I had to step through the energetic gateway of what was being presented.  And surrender to it.  And be consumed.

I was presented with the opportunity for ascension of sorts.  I saw it elevated white light high above me.  I would be literally be lifted off the ground here, and go there.  But I didn't want to.    Not here, not know, this was just not the right place.  Not the right time.

And later, I could hear her voice telling me, all this is you.  The voice of my inner and outer life coach of such.  Don't ask me to explain that one.  So if this fear state was me, it allowed me to bring this energy in and somehow process it.  And I walked back up the hill, back up to the sound of the drumming, if you could call it that, and I had what amounted to a ancient spirit reminding me that I am not honoring the medicine.  That this is not how it is supposed to be done.  And that you guys are amateurs.  You are meddling with something you know nothing about.  And I wished for a teacher.  Somebody that could guide me through all this that I could trust.  

And of course, the universe is the teacher.  The divine union of shiva and shakti energy.  But more to the point, it will take you were you need to go and show you what you need to see.  With or without any medicine.  Like this morning.  In my 35 minute meditation.  With drumming before.  It was IBO.  That is what was playing at the restaurant last night.  And I couldn't remember which beat it was.  Until now.   So I played it.  Then I meditated.  And I was in medicine space without my crop or that crop from South America to assist me.

And that may be the key to my journey here.  Grizz Bear is now contacting me to come to Kentucky.  To meet the dude from Peru.  And I know where I will go if I get there and take the medicine.     And to some extent, I know a little of that now.  That I will be curious and stay.  After all I've been there before.  And when I drop back down I will want to go back there again.  So that is the loop I should probably step through.  I mean I can play this game throughout all eternity I suppose.  But the again, I am just an amateur.