Wake Up Mike

More and more I find myself feeling the same sensation that I am being cheered on from a group of friends from above to push through and wake up into something radically different.  But I'm being held back by a layer of energy, or suffering, or inertia and my "friends" seem to understand the arduousness of the process.

And part of the barrier is the fear that this is all madness creeping in. That and that this something "radically different" involves a sort of death of sorts, or at least the loss of what I am still attached to in this world.  And that its just plain fucking strange and lonely in a way to be so out of sync with the rest of humanity that is operating under a different program.

 And I get this idea that we do this over and over again until we get it right (if we ever do), like some form of karma we cannot understand or comprehend.

So the last couple of times during the day when the thought erupted, I asked for help.  Because if there isn't anything to help us get through the barrier, its probably not worth going through anyway.  That, and I am just humbled by the enormity of it all.  And I don't really know who or what can offer help, but I suppose it doesn't hurt to ask.  All they can do is say no, or remain silent.

And of  course, this is what I keep experiencing in an Ayahuasca ceremony, finding its way into my normal life like underlying program I still haven't come to terms with.  And it keeps asking me, Mike, do you really want to do this? And I'm starting to say, Yes, I really do.  I really want to look behind the curtain.  But I need help.