As with all CK adventures, all characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Except for me of course, I am Salvador Carol McTiggins, proud Irish Catholic Alcoholic (well maybe not Catholic). It is well known that I love to drink, I love to ----K, and I love to fight. However, as of late, I'm not into any of these things. They are overrated. I have more important things to do. Sigh.....
My supporting cast: Amy, Cory
SETTING: Industry, IL / Springfield, IL / Athens, IL
MUSIC: No More Words by EndEverAfter
**In this story we learn that its important to always carry some sort of tissues in your bag**
Forced my ex and his friend Dillon to drive me to Springfield for my yearly State Fair Candy Kid meetup. Ate some leftover beer brats which ended up being the worst idea ever.
Just passing Beardstown my stomach dropped and had to take one of the worst shits of my life. See I know modern science has studied the art of the crap. But as far as I am aware, there are no studies of concerning the scatology of the female defecation. Let me tell you fellows: its a whole new ballgame. Anyway, got dropped off in front of my mums house ( because Dillon was too lazy to drop me around the corner at Amy's)...soo..i ran to Amy's, 3 overnight bags clinched in my hands, sweating from the 90 degree weather. I burst into Amy's house and ran to the bathroom where I took the most memorable poop of my life. Her brother comes down the stairs and says "I do believe it smells like shit in here!" ....I never ate beer brats again...after about 15 minutes in the bathroom I realized there was NO toilet paper! Had to call Cory up to buy some on his way over to get us for the fair.
With little to no money the only things we bought were pina coladas (which only upset my stomach more when I went back for a third one), and highly anticipated alligator on a stick. Some dude running a vendor gave Amy and I rainbow boas to match our Candy Kid attire. And for some reason random kids would come up to us and want to take pictures...soon parents were giving their children money to hand to us to get their picture taken. In retrospect, we should have taken advantage of the situation and charged admission for them to see us and take our picture. The CK are awesome. One day the world will grovel at the feet of our esteemed awesomeness and we will receive the veneration that we are deserved. In the meantime, we just assume we were mistaken for someone famous--that's why they wanted to take our picture.
After the fair we went to Taco Bell where we got down on loads of nachos. It only being
10pm and still ready for adventure we drove to Athens in the dark. Not wanting to pull over to take a piss we came up with the evil idea to stop at the Athens "Welcome" sign and piss on it. We pulled up, hopped out and did the job. Not being an excellent precision pisser wearing tights, urine got on my leg. Not that I want to have a dick, but it sure would have made the precision pissing easier at this point. Plus, again and alas, we had no toilet paper. And in our haste, we had exited the taco bell establishment without any napkins. To remedy our situation, Cory ran from the car yelling "you can use the taco bell receipt!". And I did. The rest of the night we drove around till 2am. No cops were called. The good people of Athens were not interrupted from their complacent sleep. Too bad their welcome sign has a big yellow stain on it. Assholes.......
No comments:
Post a Comment