Game Shows for Knuckleheads, Ch. 1

Version 1: "Whose got Woody?"

Introduction: Live from our Burbank Studios we present America's favorite game show where knowledge is King, Lady Luck is a jester, and everyone tries to be Woody Allen, yes, its time for "Whose Got Woody."

(applause)

Introduction continued: And your host, Gilbreto Filberstein.

Gilbreto Filberstein (GF): Thank you Don. Our first contestant tonight is a Reform Rabbi from Brooklyn where he is with the Temple Shalom Paki, everyone please welcome our returning champion Isaac Snagglepuss. (more applause).

GF:  And our challenger tonight is a lawyer from Edwardsville, Illinois, a big hand of applause for  Sri Pseudo Pumpkin (marked less applause).

GF:  Now, contestants, I'm sure you know the rules.   We will give each of you a hypothetical situation, and your job is to react to it just like Woody Allen would do.  Each member of our studio audience will then electronically rate your performance on a scale of one to ten.   As the returning champion, the first question goes to you Mr. Snagglepuss:

(GF reads his card):   "You are at a dinner party and are asked what you think of the psychiatry of Freud:"

Mr. Snagglepuss:   Thats an easy one.  I tell them I worked with Freud in Vienna. We broke over the concept of penis envy. Freud felt that it should be limited only to women.  (laughter)

GF:  Lets see, our audience survey says, you earned a 9.24.  Very good Mr. Snagglepuss.  And now a question for our challenger:

(GF reads his card):  You are at an art opening and the attractive artist asks you what you think of the controlled brush strokes of her paintings and how they symbolically represent the control she has in her life.   You respond?

Mr. Psuedopumkin:  I tell her that this ontological structure is similar to kind of structure in Heidegger's "Being in Time".   Specifically, the control represents what Heidegger wants to get at--he wants, in the Dasein Analytic, to uncover the fundamental structures of Human existence.    (silence)

GF: Survey says 0.2.   I'm sorry, Mr. Pseudopumpkin, because your score is less than 2, it gives Mr. Snagglepuss a chance to steal the question.   What do you say Snagglepuss?  What does the control mean to you?

Mr. Snagglepuss:  I tell her that you can’t control life. It doesn’t wind up perfectly. Only art you can control. Art and masturbation. Two areas in which I am an absolute expert.  (roaring laughter)

GF:  And the audience survey says 8.78.  We'll it looks like our champion has successfully won round 1.  We'll be back for an exciting round 2 right after a word from our sponsor,

Shearson Lehman E.F. Hutton, a company where our lack of education is more than compensated for by our keenly developed moral bankruptcy.