Shelton, Weinman & Wolff (SWW): I think so, but aren't you a lot smaller than you used to be?
MB: Well, sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't. Lets just say that I dropped the crunchy part.
SWW: So what are you like on the inside now?
MB: I'm not sure, I've never been eaten. That's why I'm still intact.
SWW: Hey, you want to do the time warp and pretend we first met?
MB: Naw, that doesn't sound like any fun. You used to follow me around like a puppy dog. Let's play something different. What about hide and go seek? You were supposed to find me at the Heidelberg, remember?
SWW: Yes, but I'm lost. Where the hell is the Heidelberg, isn't that in Germany?
MB: Wow, the rumors must be true. You are a stoner burnout! The Heidelberg is just down from the Peace Nook, turn right at the Blue Note, its right across from Shattered.
SWW: You must forgive me, I've completely repressed all knowledge of this place. What am I supposed to do now?
MB: Well, I think it will go something like this. First, you will see me and not recognize me. Then I will profusely apologize to you for something I did to you a long time ago. What I did all those years ago is really of no importance to you because you don't remember it anyway. But I will buy you a drink for the transgression anyway. Trust me, it will help my conscience. And its all about me anyway, see?
SWW: I'm in. So what happens next?
MB: Here is your drink. A fuzzy navel. Just the way you like them.
SWW: gulp gulp gulp
MB: Then I will tell you about the fact that I've been seeing a shrink lately. And I've learned to accept that even though situations may change, I'm still an Almond J--(stutter)--I mean a Mounds Bar.
SWW: Wow, what a coincidence, I've been doing a lot of self discovery as well. But I seem to have lost part of it. Have you seen it? The last time I saw it I was seated on a cushon staring at a wall...
MB: Don't worry about it. I'm sure you will find it. Anyway, then you will go up to the bass player of this band and ask them to play some Al Green. He will tell you that they will. However, you will soon discover that that is a lie because they will never, ever, ever, play any Al Green. Nevertheless, the three of us will go up and dance anyway.
SWW: With who, aren't there are only two of us?
MB: We will go with your old lover. It will be weird, but we will get though it, trust me. Then, we will go to the Liquor of the Tropics, just for old times, and you will buy me an Almond--(stutter)--I mean Pina Colada.
SWW: Awesome, I can't wait. When do we start?
SWW: We already have. Here is your drink. A fuzzy navel. Just the way you like them.
"books don't kill people, people kill people"--Salman Rushdie
No comments:
Post a Comment