1. The kicking out of the front windshield is strictly forbidden. You know who you are. It does not matter how long said occupant visited Shot Heaven. No mas.
2. No puking in said vehicle. It does not matter whether its the Third Thursday, the Fourth or the Fifth. You know who you are. No mas.
3. No tequila in the trunk. Well only for special occasions. Like weekends. Mas o meno.
4. No more than 3 ball caps in the back seat. And a similar amount of sunglasses or fake glasses. You know who you are.
5. No leaving pipes underneath the passenger seat. Nothing put in pill bottles. Its not going to fool anyone anyway. No mas.
6. No fricking eating in the car. You know who you are. I don't want it to start smelling like a delicatessen. Or whatever God awful smell the old one had.
7. No more traveling over 50,000 miles during the course of a calender year. Start taking a bus. Or walking.
8. No traveling south of Carbondale unless you are going to Nashville, TN. There is nothing between Nashville and Carbondale anyway.
9. No sex in the car. Get a room:-)
10. Replace the brakes if they start squeaking before you need new rotors. You know what a dimwit you are.....
11. No bumperstickers on the car. I don't care if Greenland is Melting. The troopers are not going to be impressed.
12. Stop at all shows by Hot Bag of Donuts. Even those out of town. Like at the crappy brewery in Bloomington.
13. No texting while driving. Unless Siri helps you.
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