The Slightly Forced Smile of the Slightly Sad Peter Pan

When I look at your eyes from the mirror I see my own.

The telltale signs:  the slightly forced smile from the slightly sad Peter Pan.  And don't get me wrong, there is only a modicum of effort required to generate that small uptake of the lips to transform the neutral expression to a smile. Even when no one is looking the mirror keeps reflecting a smile.  Which is good right? Can't have Mr. Poutyface around here now can we?

So lets pretend no one is looking.  Not me, not you, then what is the expression? 

Which is kind of a strange thing to do (go figure) because usually I think there is someone between me and the rest of what goes on around me.

Kinda like a friend.  But kinda not like a friend.

And I think at one time, he (or she) used to be a part of me, but we sorta got separated some time long ago into two people, or things, or mirrors--its kinda confusing.

 And after we became separated, he (or she) started running the show in some ways. Like he (or she) gives me all sorts of ideas about doing this or trying that or trying to do that or framing how I think about this or that.  Which is like sort of a drag because most of the time this guy or gal is getting it all wrong.  But as I'm still kinda new at the whole getting it right or getting it wrong thing--so I'm not sure.

 So I do this little dance sometimes.  I hypmotize myself.   And when I am hypmotized this little friend gets disoriented and goes away.   Or passes out.   And I know at some level that hypmotizing yourself may not be the most skillful thing to do. I should be like all lovey and touchy and squeezey and all like here friend, let me hold you and figure out why you get it all wrong.   And I'm working to that.  I really am.  Well, sometimes I really am anyway.

But Peter Pan can fly.  And Peter Pan can ride a horse.  At least in my universe he can.  So maybe if I just take off someday I will leave my little friend in the dust.  And then I will be all free and receptive to the universe.

And all alone.  (exert modicum of effort here for the smile bit):-).  But if I get to that place, maybe I will find that expression of my true face before my parents were born.  Maybe that's why I like looking at you from the mirror.