Viva la Mysterie

I dream a lot these days.  I'm not sure if its the little bit of Caapi, the lack of wine, or just a more focused intention to remember the night-time experience.  Last night,  I was in a town in the mountains.  I was just visiting there.  I traveled up a small hill from main street and there was a large Denun drum there sitting on the top of a hall.  The Denun must have been available for public usage.  But I wasn't there for the drum, at least not initially.  I started to play the drum.  I was looking for something.  And there is was, a monument in the shape of a obelisk.  The obelisk was on a larger hill that was in a direct line from main street to the smaller hill that I was on with the drum.   More remarkable, in the far distance was some sort of castle that was also in a perfect line from main street to the Denun, to the obelisk and to the mountain.

If only life lined up that way.  But it doesn't. Its full of mysteries and incongruousness.

I have a new voice in the distance (I think from Kansas if I remember correctly) providing a new counterpoint to my old ways of thinking.  First, with regard to the whole Rhythmia thing, and the experience of the hell realm of men, the running to find Marina that I described here:

http://sittinginmotion.blogspot.com/2017/09/the-dark-side-of-sun.html

the voice tells me that:

I think we already know what we will find in the abyss. We cling to the familiar and fear that which sets us free.


And of course I know I have been experiencing this confusion for the past year now.  Maybe the last five years.  Clinging, fear, freedom, clinging, fear, freedom, and what to do.  Am I supposed to be the intrepid warrior now and face my fears and set off for this freedom?  But I don't think that is what my counterpoint was telling me.  I already knew what I would find at Rhythmia, even before I went there.  And when I start bitching and moaning about confronting my loneliness and my fear of being alone, my new voice tells me "glibly:"

Perhaps you are having this experience to show you are not alone at all. There is nothing to fear. I do feel in my bones, however, that we are NOT alone, even when others aren't with us. There is an energy that connects us.


And once again, the simple reminder that perhaps I have been trying too hard.  I'm always trying, rarely accepting.  Just accept the mystery, if you can.  Just go back in the porch, next to that little buddha statute there, and listen to the sounds of life around you.  Just be there.  You don't have to know the answers to the questions.  Even this is saying too much, even this is doing something, just experience it silly.  Live the mystery!  It's ok if you don't have the answers.  Maybe the questions will change for you eventually.  Think about your friend Rainer Marie.  And laugh a little.  And manifest some joy.  Come on dreamer, you can do it......lol

“Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. It is possible to live and not know.”  Rilke   

And if there comes a time when you want to dive back into the river again, little dreamer, you might want to consider something like this, or not.....lol

“In the morning [after William S. Burrough’s first traumatic experience on yagé] he attempted to compare notes with Schultes, who by this time in his career had taken yagé on more than twenty occasions. “I never get sick,” Schultes told him. Burroughs mentioned that at one point he felt himself change into a black woman, then a black man, then a man and a woman at the same time, with everything writhing as in a Van Gogh painting. He had achieved pure bisexuality, becoming a man or a woman at will, awash with wild convulsions of lust. “I only get colors, no visions,” Schultes replied.”  — Wade Davis, One River (1996)