Fact Checking With Too Much Information in Bloomington, Illinois in the exact same spot where David Foster Wallace once hit a two handed backhand passing shot lob in the form of Michael Chang for a clear winner during the year of the Adult Depends Undergarment.

The concert--It was just spewing out too much information

The Opening Act had Franz Liszt on keyboards, Neil Peart on drums, and Yingwie Malmsteen on guitar.

It was like Rachmaninoff screwing Umphrey's McGee and you think they are just about to finish and give you a chance to catch your breath but then you hear Umphrey's moans again and you know they are not done but going somewhere else.

And then my God you are buffeted by thump thump thump of Victor Wooten's base and your limbic system kicks in and you are propelled out of the dance pit and to the back door and you want out.

Please I'm going to die in here.  Let me out! I need to get outside to hear some ambient music. Brian Eno.  Brian Eno. Brian Eno. My reptilian brain claws at the door.

"Hey aren't you Andy Dick?"

I spin around to see this millennial woman speaking to me.

I do the mental calculus:  Andy Dick?  Isn't he blonde?   Doesn't he have hair? Isn't he a lot younger?  some sort of comedian...?

Nope, its not me, I tell her.

She does not give up:  "You're Andy Dick,"  can I get your autograph?

Later I must have been cajoled back to the stage by her or the guy I drove to the concert who honest to god saw Pigpen live with the Dead with Bear Owsley as the sound engineer and all the micrograms of auditory and visual effects that that must have entailed,

but anyway I see this millenial woman reach out from the stage and try to disconnect one of the monitors from Liszt's organ.  What was she thinking?

Now I know what you're thinking:  You had TMI, she was just trying to help.  And Liszt was playing a little loud.

The Bouncers didn't think so.  She looked at me pleading.  "They are kicking me out."

"What," I exclaimed, quickly coming to her defense. That's hardly an offense that would justify a complete revocation of her unrestricted license to attend this auspicious if not somewhat loud event. Can't you just put her in the penalty box or something for a couple of minutes?

Nope. She was gone and so was the opening act.

The main act that replaced them was well...   Let me put it to you this way.  In World War 2, the German's had this large tank called the Tiger that when you put it out on the open fields or steppes it was virtually invincible.  But when you put it the city like Stalingrad it became claustrophobic and cramped, and vulnerable to attacks from the rear.

Well, this band belonged in an open field or festival, not in this cramped little space and as a result was giving it to everyone in the ear.   (Not rear, mind you but ear).

I began sharing this little metaphor about the band to those around me and the guitarist, believing I was going to start some sort of insurrection motioned for the bouncers to remove me.

Then I was gone and no longer was listening to the band.  The End.

Editors Foot Note:  Mike we fact checked your little piece and wanted to point out some inaccuracies. First, based on our interviews of certain witnesses of the event, it was not a woman who compared you to Andy Dick, but it was a male millennial.  Further, though you did sign an autograph that night, you signed it Lenny Bruce not Andy Dick.  What were you thinking?  Second, though there was a women kicked out of the venue who meets your description, based on hearsay, she was not removed for trying to unplug the keyboardists' monitor (which she apparently did), but for a certain undisclosed activity she participated in in the bathroom of the venue.  Third, as you point out the women did have a license to attend the event, however, it was not an unrestricted licence.  Under the doctrine of patent exhaustion articulated in Lexmark v. Chinese Ripoff Shenjian Province Trading Co, 45 U.S. 345 (2017), the licences bestowed to concert patrons are non-transferable, and subject to a reasonable scope of trade restrictions.  Finally, though it appears you did transport an individual meeting the description who did see the Grateful Dead when Pigpen was alive and Owsley was the sound engineer, your intimation that it was Owsley acid that this individual partook over is speculative at best.   Based on our FOIA request to the DOJ, according to Owsely's indictment he was responsible for only 11% of the total blotter weight of acid supplied in the UC Berkeley Health Sciences department during the stated time frame.  The amalgamated weight applied to the Bay area in general may have been higher, but you made no such limitation in your article.  Suggest you rewrite this entry.  Finally, we suggest you rework the ending as a whole.  Especially the reference to Tiger Tanks.  Tiger tanks did not appear in the Eastern Front until the fall of 1943 in preparation for the German assault on the Kursk salient.  Simply put, there were no Tiger tanks in or around Stalingrad during the time of the offensive and subsequent counterattack there in the fall of 1942 and winter of 1943..  Finally, Andy Dick is exactly your age.   Almost to the month.  If you want to work with the Trump administration, details are important and this work does not meet our standards.