I'm a Punishment for Glutton, or was that Gluten

They say that the Toyota Corolla is the most ubiquitous car in America.

I think they are wrong.  Its the Honda Civic.  I see them everywhere.  I can't help but to look when I see anything that possesses their familiar shape.  And color.  But I'm really only looking for one car in particular, with the OB license plates.   Or maybe its the Mario Cart these days.

I didn't always used to be like this.  Yea, right, who are you kidding.  All you needed was just the slightest push to send you so far deep in your mind that you are oblivious to everything around you. And all the freaking sitting on a cushion either in a zendo or in a closet ain't gonna help you boy.

But I still have faith to a large degree.  At least for now.  And a certain degree of compassion for myself.  When the most important thing in your life gets taken away--strike that--you broke it--and then to make matters worse you agonize over it over again over about what you did, why you did it, can you put the pieces back, what would be better for you for them for everyone?  When you move once.  Move again.  Move again.  Was there still more?  I lost count.

Deep breaths.  Longer on the exhale.  Feel the body sensations.

Ok, so I did this TRE therapy.  Twice.  Jury is still out.

I was shaking even before I started.  As soon as I watched the first video, I could feel my body tense up.  Yep, I'd done this before.  College senior.  Convulsions of sobbing.  Way down deep in the gut Until I got to a place that it was just me in a fetal ball and after what seemed like eternity later, the overwhelming relief that I loved myself and it was going to be ok.

And of course, since this was on a Christmas break the parents were concerned.  Since then I've always almost welcomed crying, which sadly generally doesn't happen.  Its like exercising the muscles of the gut and laughing in a strange way.

And I know the zen teacher poo poos crying.  But I think when its deep and its real, its therapy. Just perhaps like this twitching business with TRE.

Like I said the jury is still out.  Be careful of the new neural pathways you are creating.  Brain plasticity may not always be for the good.  Like the strange compulsion to look for Honda Civic's everywhere in town.