Practicing Law while inside an Assisted Living Facility, A Lawyers Guide

It all started when I left the bedroom door open at night.   You know I can't sleep with the door open.  It lets all the crazies in.  And the monsters.  That's why it's better to sleep with the door closed, preferably locked.   It's also not a good idea to sleep with the window open.  If you hear what goes on at night outside, it would keep you up.  Trust me.  Last night I heard the kids playing outside--they woke me up.  

I decided to stop practicing law after that one night. In the middle of the night, I woke with a fit and a partial a memory that I'd been in the middle of a trial that day.  My expert said something that I should have corrected while he was on the stand but for some inexplicable reason I didn't. I couldn't remember what he said or how I should correct it.  I was trying to think of a way to call him back as a witness.  Because I couldn't remember, I was trying frantically (in the middle of the night) to call the associate who was helping me out the trial.  Maybe she could remember what the expert said. And how I screwed up.  But I could not find her number.  What did I do with my address book?

Even more disturbing was the fact that I had been out drinking with my parents earlier in the evening.  I was in trial after all--what the fuck was I thinking?   How did I forget about the trial?  All I knew was that I had to find a way to call the expert back.  Where did I put my address book?

The kids who woke me up in the middle of the night were playing outside at the retirement community.  The kids were rolling rocks down the driveway and the rocks became boulders. The rocks rolled down the hill and broke the window of a neighbor in the retirement community. That's what I heard because the windows were open.  I also heard the old people chasing after the kids to catch them.

Then I was very afraid.  Maybe it was the monsters.  Maybe it was the stroke I thought I was having.  Maybe it was the trial I thought I had earlier that day.  But a nice old lady with a large firm breasts came in. Her name was Helen. She let me grab and suck her breasts.  She also did other things to me which also explains why I was awake that night.  The end.