Saturday, February 14, 2015

Damn You: A Rosary

Mittpoo wished to know more than he did.  Real stuff.  Not this useless trivia than seems to dominate most of discussion these days.  But first he wanted to take a break from reading.  When Mittpoo could not sleep, he read, or meditated, or did a version of each simultaneously.   So he set down his copy of "Paradise Lost" and began to palpate the links of the chain of his thoughts to determine where they led.

The first link he examined was inscribed "Milton" and read:  "It is better to reign in hell than serve in heaven."  Hmmmmm, Mittpoo mused following the oval link around its circumference.  Was it Satan's pride in insisting that he carve out his own territory and rule it that set him apart from Heaven?  And in some ways, isn't that same pride in owning your own home with its well manicured lawn with its well defined property boundaries apart from the rest of humanity generated from the same all too human impulse?  Isn't that the same pride in wanting your own corner office?  The trophy?  The medal around your neck at the end of the race?

Mittpoo followed the next link down.  It was inscribed "Chiang" and read: "Hell is the Absence of Heaven"--the dark reflection spreading to the interstices of space and time not infused with Heaven.  Mittpoo fashioned in his minds eye an immense galaxy of Heaven spreading across the Universe, On its underside, an equally large area of total blackness.  Hell as the mirror image of Heaven.  Mittpoo felt Heaven to be full of light both illuminated, and weightless.  Hell to be heavy, dark, foreboding and tense.

The next link in the chain read:  "Lucifer Morningstar." It was inscribed in small letters with the following quote:  "For an eternity, I have catered to the whims of the damned.  They came to my realm with an insatiable desire to torture themselves.  And so I and my compatriots did.  We are sadists, after all.  This should come as no shock to anyone.  The damned think they have no choice in the matter--but let me tell you a little dirty secret--the damned are free to leave this place anytime they want.  Hell, we wouldn't mind, we could actually use a little more space around here."

The next link in the chain was inscribed simply with "Hell is the lack of understanding."

Mittpoo was quite taken with this last chain in the link as it reflected on the own functioning of his mind.  He recalled how his own life suffered as the result of the lack of understanding of events and how at some level he was aware of it.  He had had a big presentation at work to perform and had struggled with it from many weeks, his mind finding no peace with it.   He knew in the past that a restless mind might not only be infused by demons, but its repetition of thoughts, like lashes from a whip caused his whole body to tense up in pain.  It was not he was able to harmonize his presentation with understanding that his mind was at peace.   If his presentation in any respect was false or lacked understanding, it would come out tense and gnarled, like an ugly false truth.

Then he had met an old friend who he had once been intimate with.  After she had too much to drink, he saw the effect of alcohol was like a bridge between the lack of understanding and a momentary respite from the pain it caused.  Understanding about her life, and what their relationship had really been like.  A dream world to shield themselves from their mutual pain.

Still, Mittpoo did not discount the power to dream.  Dreams can create a new truth and a new understanding in harmony with the rest of the world.  We need dreams and thoughts to interface with the world.  But where do the thoughts come from?  He had struggled for weeks at his presentation at work and still lacked understanding.  How can we achieve understanding?  He then realized that understanding was ultimately beyond his control.   It either was bestowed on him, or he simply lacked it.   All he could do was to develop practices that were conducive to understanding, but whether understanding came or left him in hell, it was ultimately beyond his control.   The spark of creativity, the spark of insight, was a fickle faerie.   He knew not how to summon it.   With that insight, his restless mind which had been stirring unhindered for weeks began to settle down and he fell into a deep sleep.

As his head hit the pillow another link in the chain draped across his chest.  It was inscribed with the word "Heaven,"  and the quote "Heaven is understanding.  Heaven is not separateness.  Heaven is the dissolution of the self into the endless cosmic flow."



(the trial did not go as expected.   for the first time this century, the mission was not accomplished.  I promise to be more contrite next time.   But I should have known that anyway.)




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