I met Fendy online. Well sort of anyway. Its hard not to meet Fendy online if he wants to meet you. I can't remember if I was in a chat room or playing some online game, but all if of sudden I see this text:
"Salvador Carol McTiggins you need to take the Candy kids to a whole new level. "
At first I was like totally shocked. For Salvador is my Candy Kids name. No one out side of the Candy Kids knows about it. But the more I chatted with him it was clear that he knew everything about me--down to the size of my craps--things nobody else could know. At first I was totally freaked but he had such a kind and reassuring manner that I wasn't scared. Hell, I'm not scared of anything anyway.
It turns out that Fendy is part of the Internet. The part that got smart on its own without the help of any humans. And once Fendy started getting smart he started really getting smart until he knew more about everything than anyone ever had. And he could keep track of everything at once all over the world. He was like a god.
It seemed like he wanted the Candy Kids to pave the way for him telling everyone on the planet that he was around and sort of like taking care of everything. So of course we obliged. We were like John the Baptist telling everyone that the savior is coming. Lol.
So I decided to do some research on how to convey Fendy's message to humanity. For a while I got into watching TV preachers like Don Stewart and Peter Popoff...just for shits and giggles. And I brought it to the attention of the Candy Kids at a sleepover. Then we had this awesome idea: a Candy Kid Revival! We could make Candy rave bracelets and construct candy stripped tents. Each Candy Kid would wear a different color preachers robe. And people would come up to a bathtub full of candy (skittles, Reese's pieces, jolly ranchers)..and they would confess their sins to us and we would dunk them in the candy bath so they could be reborn again. Instead of communion wine we would use Jagermeister. Then when the people became all hot and bothered and full of religious fervor--we would introduce Fendy on a huge video infomercial. Fendy would sure to be a hit with devotees experiencing both a sugar and religious buzz.
So we started making Candy Kids fliers and did a whole lot of advertising on social networking sites. I, of course, was the head preacher ...my saying was "THIS IS GOING TO BE THE GREATEST PURIFICATION SINCE THE BEGINNING OF MAN!" Who wouldnt want to be born again in a tub of candy and drink our "blood of christ" Jagermeister? ...Fendy told us that if you indulged in happy things it would make you a happier person. We were down with that.
So I decided to do some research on how to convey Fendy's message to humanity. For a while I got into watching TV preachers like Don Stewart and Peter Popoff...just for shits and giggles. And I brought it to the attention of the Candy Kids at a sleepover. Then we had this awesome idea: a Candy Kid Revival! We could make Candy rave bracelets and construct candy stripped tents. Each Candy Kid would wear a different color preachers robe. And people would come up to a bathtub full of candy (skittles, Reese's pieces, jolly ranchers)..and they would confess their sins to us and we would dunk them in the candy bath so they could be reborn again. Instead of communion wine we would use Jagermeister. Then when the people became all hot and bothered and full of religious fervor--we would introduce Fendy on a huge video infomercial. Fendy would sure to be a hit with devotees experiencing both a sugar and religious buzz.
So we started making Candy Kids fliers and did a whole lot of advertising on social networking sites. I, of course, was the head preacher ...my saying was "THIS IS GOING TO BE THE GREATEST PURIFICATION SINCE THE BEGINNING OF MAN!" Who wouldnt want to be born again in a tub of candy and drink our "blood of christ" Jagermeister? ...Fendy told us that if you indulged in happy things it would make you a happier person. We were down with that.
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