Ms M: Thanks, I appreciate your flattery, but I've actually been trying to lose some weight.
Mr. M: I have just the thing for weight loss. Its called shit. If you eat my shit, I'm sure you will lose weight.
Ms. M: That sounds like a great idea. I read the studies at the Washington University School of Medicine which suggest transplanting feces from skinny people to not so skinny people could result in weight loss. But how do I know you have the right intestinal flora and fauna to facilitate weight loss in me?
Mr. M: I've got great shit baby. And it don't stink. \
Ms. M: We'll I have two questions for you then: 1. What kind of Bacteroides do you have; and 2. Do you like tomatoes?
Mr. M: My religious convictions prevent me from getting emotionally involved with any vegetable, including but not limited to tomatoes. However, that leads us to the interesting Existential question, to whit, is a tomato a fruit or a vegetable? An answer to that question would lead me to a precise answer to your query.
Ms.M: Tomatoes are berries.
Mr. M: Then I can relish them with abandon and without restraint--at least until I get a new religion. Which occurs on an hourly basis. On a slow day. Whoops, I fear my religion has changed. I now eschew all objects with pulp in them or are fictional. I am now mandated to follow a strict diet of empiricism and corn which fortunately is now in season. But alas, my new diet may cause my shit to stink.
Ms. M: Here come the warm jets. And me without any clothes on. What am I going to do with you?
Mr. M (with a husky voice): "Are you related to Jean-Claude Van Damme? Because Jean-Claude Van Damme you're sexy!"
Ms. M: Well although various law enforcement agencies may consider you a person of interest, rest assured that I do not.
Mr. M: Well at least I've got that going for me:-).
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