Embrace Everything, Even That

We all die everyday, lots of times, with each breath exhaled.  I'm not sensing that yet.  I tend to push away thoughts of death, except when I remember.   I can feel death coming on in cycles, not so much daily, but monthly, maybe like cycles of the moon.  But when I feel that end coming, by exploring it and not blowing it off, it opens up into some unexpected perception.  I can almost feel the new neuronal connections being made.

The trick is to embrace it.  Everything.  Its coming up for a reason.  Even the thoughts of stress or pain want to show you something.  I went into something last night and my consciousness literally split into something like a three fold awareness.  There was some sort of Daemon outside of me something closer in, and my body like a ground.  I remember shifting to each of them--I wanted to find out if one of them was some sort of intuitive self, or if the Daemon was else was just a mechanical reactive ego.  I hope they visit me again some time soon. My sense of it was the the self outside of my body was pure action, like fire.  The in-between part was something like earth, and my body, especially my vertebrae was something like water.  But who knows.  I am formally inviting them back tonight with a formal invitation.

But there is the point.  What comes up for you, this new and exciting part, can only be experienced by seeing what's there in the present moment.  In other words, I'm not sure my new found friends are going to accept or even be aware of my invitation.  We shall see.

Speaking of which, I asked the Bagginses the other day what it had in its pockets, and there was a bauble of Edgar Allen Poe.  How preciousness...:-).

Getting Through the Tough Part

I was in Costa Rica.  I had dropped out of American society.

I was in a bathroom.  I had some sort of massager.  My dad was there and I wanted to massage his back somehow.  Maybe his root chakra.  So I did.  Woo woo was there, talking too much as usual.  I wanted to to something with them, but it didn't happen for some reason.

Then there was something about an event called "China Grove" on something like that on Facebook.   Like the old Doobie Brothers song.   I didn't check in to the event but went.  It was in a crowded dark and dirty shack.  There were many native Costa Ricans there crowded in a small room.  And I remember thinking that this was China Grove.  I remember thinking it was an Ayahuasca ceremony, but remember being afraid it was a heroin ceremony because of the sordid feeling of the place.   Then I saw a mason jar and it was filled with Ayahuasca.  I reached down and picked it up and nodded approvingly to the spanish man who was leading the ceremony.  He asked me if I trusted him, and I said "yes" because I did at the time.

And I had the feeling that we both knew this was going to be an incredible difficult experience.  We talked about it.  Somebody came in who was going to sing.  And there was something about a blonde woman that was waiting for me if I could get through this night.  This was the destiny, like something foretold.  I don't remember the ceremony ever beginning.