The Shit That Robert Says

The only thing worse than having a vast international conspiracy controlling everything is where there is no conspiracy, and by extension, fundamentally no meaning behind any activity that takes place.   The lack of a conspiracy, and the concomitant lack of external control, means that we are truly free. Freedom is the scariest concept yet invented by humans.

To counteract the horror of freedom, the Book was created.  Everything that has ever happened, or ever will happen is written in the Book.  The descriptions contained in the book are comprehensive. The explanations thorough.  There is nothing that exists that is not written in the Book.  The Book is the repository of all information about the human race.

There are those that believe that such a Book exists and will do anything to possess it.  For them, the book is the ultimate conspiracy.  To possess the book represents the ultimate power on earth.  A vast shadow empire hides the book from the rest of humanity.

Robert believes in the book.  His belief in the Book also bestows upon him, as we will discuss below, in an inordiante amount of shit (fecal matter).

Robert had a normal life as a realtor before the transformation when it all fell apart.  If you look closely in his eyes you can still see the realtor there, selling homes.  Helping people.  Raising a family with a loving wife.   But now Robert's eyes are now shrouded by long hair to effect the persona of a spiritual seeker.  He seeks the Book.  He knows that it exists and accounts for all his problems.  If he can only sufficiently cleanse himself through arcane rituals, he can merge with the dictates of the Book.  This is what Robert says:

Jesus Christ did not die on the cross, he survived and currently sells used cars in New Jersey #shitrobertsays

The federal reserves has control over all manufactures of soft drinks, Tobacco, and comfortable footwear therefore controlling the world. #shitrobertsays

A human being can live on only air and water... But a few tic tacs help if u want to get laid. #shitrobertsays

Adolf Hitler's real name was Harry Goldstein.  He was of the Rothchilds family.  #shitrobertsays

Abraham Lincoln was actually a southern slave who put on white face everyday to win the presidency and free the slaves #shitrobertsays

If you stare at the sun in the morning it has low uv and won't blind you instead it will give you protons and direct energy creating your own photosynthesis.   You won't need to eat or drink but can get sustenance from the sun, just like a plant. #shitrobertsays

if you play Abba's Dancing Queen backwards you will hear the prophecy of the second coming. #shitrobertsays

Your skin is just a huge sponge that can suck in water. If you bathe in orange kool aid you will glow like neon. #shitrobertsays

Marsha Marsha Marsha

Perception is often markedly different than reality.   But what is reality anyway? Is it limited to our own subjective perception?  Or is there something more?

Marsha Brady pondered these thoughts while locked in a cell that more resembled a dungeon. Both her subjective and objective reality converged on the apparently irrefutable fact that she had been captured by some sort of amorous monster.  Fortunately, the monster's libido seemed focused for the time on her coat which he insisted on wearing.  

"I just love this coat," the monster repeated.  "It smells just like you."   "In fact, I want to hump it.  If you find a sticky goo in one of the pockets if I ever give it back to you I most humbly (or humpily) apologize."  And with that the monster let off a sickening wheeze that made Marsha's heart sink.

Was all hope is lost? Would the maiden be ravished by the coat humping monster?  We shall see. But what we do know is that two of her would be boyfriends were right now engaged in desperate and earnest rescue attempts on her behalf.  Unfortunately, the monster had hidden Marsha behind a labyrinthine series of doors and gates that neither of the two would be suitors had a clue on solving.   Moreover, the monster made Marsha wear a hideous mask that make her appearance pockmarked. This had the effect of not only creating despair for Marsha, when she gazed into her pocket mirror, but shielded her beauty which would have otherwise served as a beacon to her two boyfriends.

All hope did indeed appear lost.   But then, from out of nowhere an apparition of Jan Brady appeared: "Marsha Marsha Marsha it's always about Marsha but if you look inside yourself,  Marsha,  you will realize that you can take off the mask.  This isn't rocket science after all."

So Marsha removed the mask.  And with that, a shining knight in armor named Tom Brady appeared. "Marsha, the moment you took off your mask, I had no problems finding you.  Please do not put the mask on again because it makes you ugly.  Come now with me, I will love you long time sailor."

"Oh Tom," Marsha replied, with new insight, "I will not come with you or with any man  (literally or figuratively) until I find that they appreciate me for who I truly am, whether I wear a mask or not". "Besides, I think it would be kinda creepy since we both have the same last name.  We could be related.  It would be like doing it with Greg, and long have I spurned his advances."

And with that our story is at an end.  I encourage you to listen to the following message from our sponsor, the Metta Enterprises:

Friends, life got you down?  Want to get rid of your self centered subjective reality?  Think about it, it is silly to believe that you are the center of the universe.  Change your perspective.   Make it your practice when you breathe in to experience that it is not you breathing, but the universe breathing. When you see anyone of the street, do not shun them out of fear, instead, make it your practice to wish them peace, for they, like you are part of the same cosmic wholeness.  There is no separation. Make that your practice.

Next week on this channel, we will bring you the new documentary called "Wheels on Fire" which documents a day in the life a bicycle delivery person working for Chicago best Korean fried chicken establishment CRISP.   Until then, may you find peace and love.......