As if in a dream, my one and only V

 I was with my old friend from Justice Chip's chambers, or was it the JR den?  Anyway, she was in Jeff Co, and I lost touch.  Last I heard was in D.C. doing Republican things and being a social butterfly.  Woa, turns out MM is now Chief of Staff for the House of Representatives or something.  How cool.

Anyway, I was doing Yin breathing when she appeared.  I was going into the trance even in the dream.  (that's where all the cool stuff really happens, right? lol).  Anyway, we were talking, and I noticed there were two of her.  I was between them.  There was kind of a field that made me a little uncomfortable.  One of the MM's told me that Yin breathing was not my path.  Instead, my medicine path should have something to do with "V".  I don't know what she was talking about, then or now.  Maybe something will open up.  

I felt that because there were two MM's, that she was suffering.  I think there were also two of me.  We might have talked about the fact that everyone is in this duality.  I felt that I was supposed to heal her by bringing her back together, so I took my hands in Gassho, opened them, and started to close them thereby bringing her two halves back together.  This is all part of that funky energy work I'm doing now.  And I must say that after last Saturday, my two halves are not as vibrating on different frequencies, so to speak.  As I kept up the energy work, bringing her back together, I was getting a little dizzy.  But I felt that I had entered MM's actual dream in real time by doing this, and that I was doing good work, so I continued.  I kept pulling her back together, inside her dream, until I woke up.  I wonder if she did as well, D.C. time being and hour later.....

Listen/Patience for the Opening/You Got This/Mazatech Vibrations

Messages as the threshold, meditating in the sunroom:

1.  Yarrow as Dieta

2.  Intuition Guided texts/relationships/activity

3.  Empath Survival Guide

4.  Add Rhythmia Rock to the Collection

5.  Prayer hands to generate energy, when energy comes, move down chakras/middle pillar with each color generated by prayer hands

6.  Fasting

7.  Listening as Zazen/feeling/Patience for the opening

Messages over the threshold:

At Rhythmia there was something I was reluctant to speak.  I thought about how this was related to the speech impediment I had as a kid.  In my vision, I was called to speak, but couldn't.  There is also something about M that I did not want to disclose.  

Fear at the Threshold:  My fear is my ally.  It protects me from the descent into the host of spirits who want to feed on me.  I resisted and keep on resisting.  I felt I need to honor my fear and not descend into the spirit world.  This is the world I should inhabit and chose to inhabit.  The ground is my safety.  This world is my safety.  The ground is what I need to listen to, not the spirit world.  In this world the ground is the protection.  This is why we bury the dead, so they are not eaten by the spirits.

I am not going to Peru until I listen to this more.  This is why I told J. at the last Aya ceremony that "don't let me ever do this again.  This is the suffering of the spirit world.  We are resisting because that is what makes us human.

(interesting that earlier in the week I spoke with Safah about the practice of Chod, feeding your demons.  lol)

Transition:  What the spirits will eat from me, or the demons will eat is the ego.  They will devour the ego and in so doing, the false self that I have created which distances me from the divine.  And creates separateness.  This is what I want to happen, to feel into the barrier of the false self that separates me.  This is what I can speak about.  This is what I want.  This is my fundamental tension in my life.  The indecision that will not let go of the ego.  If you don't want me set me free....lol.  

Which leads to the path of love.  This is what the spirits are telling me.  Feeding the spirits is an act of love.  

But its not a choice.  The choice is not real.  What is forcing me to speak is not real.  Its all noise.  Just listen.  Go deeper into it.  You don't have to make a choice.  That which is making you make a choice is noise. That which is telling you to surrender is noise.  You don't have to do anything but listen.  What is underneath is magnificent and vast.  Just listen. 

Then I was in Mexico.  I was a Mexican woman.  This was not my dream.  She could not decide, she was afraid.  And I gave her strength.  I was the voice in her head that gave her strength, but I was her.  I am with you.  You got this.  We got this.  I am with you.  I am you.  We are all connected and our intentions are picked up by others.  We are interconnected.  We are the totality.  But our lives are the thoughts, the dreams of separateness.  Practice listening.  Practice letting go.  

And the dark energy came into me like the thief in the night.  But I saw the top of it, saw that there was an end and it released and went through my mind.  I was not afraid.  It did not stay.  In this my my "aya" other ceremony is a bad thought  It can be released.  All is connected.  The dark energy must be experienced and listened to.  

And the dream last night, somewhat asked the person who was next to me, who was me, and another voice answered a name that I have never heard of.  And it this way, he was with me in the same way that I was with the Mexican woman.