I Never Met the Russian Ambassador; But he Might Have Met Me

The Following is Most Pleasingly Experienced When Read or Thought Aloud with the Voice of the John Cleese or the Nameless or Something in Between.

I will now make the following statement:  which will be the statement that I will be making now.

As a as a precursor to the statement that will be read by me let me first pay proper due and honor to our glorious leader.   Our leader is glorious and aptly named and as such, deserving of the praise which I now bestow upon him.

Now that my adoration of the glorious leader has concluded, I will now commence with the second part of the statement which is the main body of the statement that will be read by me following the tribute to the glorious leader.

The main body of my intended statement forcefully and unequivocally states that I, the party of the first part, have at no time met, rendezvoused or otherwise contacted or abutted the party of the second part which will be heretofore noted and designated as the Russian Ambassador.   It goes without saying by me or anyone else like or resembling me, having never met said Russian Ambassador, that he shall be nameless because having never met him it would be most inappropriate of me as the party of the first part to have knowledge of the party of the second part's name having had no previous occasion to ask him what moniker he would prefer to be known by if indeed I were to ask him such a question, thus and so.

This concludes the main body of the intended statement which I did intend to give.  Now I realize there may be those who doubt the veracity of my statement, especially if they be actual witness to a meeting between me, the party of the first part and the Russian Ambassador which I have heretofore denied.  To these witnesses, let me first say that you are wrong and a purveyor of the fake news of the most rank kind.

To those other witnesses now having come forward with irrefutable digitally transcribed video and audio recordings of the actual meeting between myself and the Russian Ambassador, even though I have not heard or seen such recordings, and indeed you have not released said recordings yet, that I will categorically deny the veracity of such recordings and label them as fraudulent and that the lab which will review said recordings when they are released will arrive at the same conclusion because that is what I will pay them to say.

And now for something completely different:

A letter to the Louver.

Dear Louver,

I had the pleasure of spending a most agreeable afternoon with your former husband Henri (the Frenchman) on one of the more remote wooded sanctuary islands in my dream last night.  He showed me the photo of your daughter Hermise (who looks just like you by the way) along with his six other daughters.

I had wanted to ask him what caused your separation from him, but I stopped any potential inquiry in that direction when I could tell that his countenance became wistful and his eyes misted up.   As if reading my unspoken thoughts, he expressed remorse about some decision years ago where you intended years ago to take a year off work, such intention thwarted by some undisclosed external means.

Our most agreeable conversation was then interrupted by the most unpleasant of circumstances which to some extent is the unpleasant circumstance always lurking in these dark days.  Yes, our amiable conversation ended when we saw the large shadow of the Dar-Angel circling in the distance.

Though at some level, my thoughts knew that the Dar-Angel could not traverse the small distance between the mainland and the sanctuary island, I could not shake the memories of the endless battles and assimilations involving the Dar-Angels of the past.  I could still feel their eerie touch and felt the confusion, despair, and inability to separate between what was taken over and what was left of my consciousness.   It was little conciliation that I went down to the underground shelter and surveyed the ever dwindling, yet still plentiful stockpile of fine french wines.

Corporate Mindfulness

 Corporate America’s newest “hack” for productivity, creativity, and wellness borrows from the ancient wisdom traditions of meditation and mindfulness.

In his recent book “Mindful Work,” David Gelles, a business reporter for the New York Times, describes how corporations as diverse as Google, Ford, General Mills, Goldman Sachs, Target, Intel, Aetna and Davos have established corporate mindfulness programs. Last year, Aetna estimated that its mindfulness program saved $2000.00 per employee in healthcare costs, and had similar benefits for productivity. Employees trained in meditation demonstrate improved concentration, exhibit less stress, and are more creative.

What is the secret behind mindfulness? It’s part of the developing science behind neuroplasticity and how altering daily habits of behavior including meditation can impact the function, structure, neurochemical and electrical oscillations in the brain. Research subjects who undergo studies while meditating (e.g. fMRI) have demonstrated increased activity in areas of the brain associated with decreased stress and anxiety and increased focus and problem solving - - all useful traits at work.

Mindfulness practices have also been shown to literally change the nature of your brain waves as measured by an EEG (electroencephalography). Most of the time, our day to day brains exhibit Beta waves (12-30 Hz). Beta waves are relatively fast waves associated with cognitive and other tasks, but can be associated with repetitive thinking patterns and anxiety. By contrast, studies have shown meditators can exhibit slower brain waves form such as Alpha (8-12 Hz) and even slower Theta (3-8Hz).

When alpha waves are prominent in the brain, the mind is typically in a state of relaxed awareness devoid of distracting thoughts. This state is consistent with the practice of mindfulness which involves the moment by moment centering of one's attention to what is arising in the present moment. Studies have associated the presence of alpha waves with creative states and reduced stress.

One of the most interesting areas of research is into the area of “flow states.” Flow states have been described as an “optimal state of consciousness” where we perform at our best. When our attention becomes “so laser-focused that everything else fails away. Action and awareness merge.” And importantly, all aspects of our performance are improved, including “creative performance.” Flow states are generally present when our brain is demonstrating certain levels of Alpha or Theta waves - - both of which are typical of the meditative state. Of course, much more research needs to be done into this area, but with studies from McKinsey and Co. finding executives 500 percent more productive in “flow,” and Stephen Kotler’s “Flow Genome Project” claiming even more provocative results studying scientists, writers and entrepreneurs, it is likely we will see even more corporate interest in mindfulness in the future. Who knows, it may not be surprising to find a meditation room next to the board room in a future corporation.

Reprinted from Springfield business Journal March 2017