I will now make the following statement: which will be the statement that I will be making now.
As a as a precursor to the statement that will be read by me let me first pay proper due and honor to our glorious leader. Our leader is glorious and aptly named and as such, deserving of the praise which I now bestow upon him.
Now that my adoration of the glorious leader has concluded, I will now commence with the second part of the statement which is the main body of the statement that will be read by me following the tribute to the glorious leader.
The main body of my intended statement forcefully and unequivocally states that I, the party of the first part, have at no time met, rendezvoused or otherwise contacted or abutted the party of the second part which will be heretofore noted and designated as the Russian Ambassador. It goes without saying by me or anyone else like or resembling me, having never met said Russian Ambassador, that he shall be nameless because having never met him it would be most inappropriate of me as the party of the first part to have knowledge of the party of the second part's name having had no previous occasion to ask him what moniker he would prefer to be known by if indeed I were to ask him such a question, thus and so.
This concludes the main body of the intended statement which I did intend to give. Now I realize there may be those who doubt the veracity of my statement, especially if they be actual witness to a meeting between me, the party of the first part and the Russian Ambassador which I have heretofore denied. To these witnesses, let me first say that you are wrong and a purveyor of the fake news of the most rank kind.
To those other witnesses now having come forward with irrefutable digitally transcribed video and audio recordings of the actual meeting between myself and the Russian Ambassador, even though I have not heard or seen such recordings, and indeed you have not released said recordings yet, that I will categorically deny the veracity of such recordings and label them as fraudulent and that the lab which will review said recordings when they are released will arrive at the same conclusion because that is what I will pay them to say.
And now for something completely different:
A letter to the Louver.
Dear Louver,
I had the pleasure of spending a most agreeable afternoon with your former husband Henri (the Frenchman) on one of the more remote wooded sanctuary islands in my dream last night. He showed me the photo of your daughter Hermise (who looks just like you by the way) along with his six other daughters.
I had wanted to ask him what caused your separation from him, but I stopped any potential inquiry in that direction when I could tell that his countenance became wistful and his eyes misted up. As if reading my unspoken thoughts, he expressed remorse about some decision years ago where you intended years ago to take a year off work, such intention thwarted by some undisclosed external means.
Our most agreeable conversation was then interrupted by the most unpleasant of circumstances which to some extent is the unpleasant circumstance always lurking in these dark days. Yes, our amiable conversation ended when we saw the large shadow of the Dar-Angel circling in the distance.
Though at some level, my thoughts knew that the Dar-Angel could not traverse the small distance between the mainland and the sanctuary island, I could not shake the memories of the endless battles and assimilations involving the Dar-Angels of the past. I could still feel their eerie touch and felt the confusion, despair, and inability to separate between what was taken over and what was left of my consciousness. It was little conciliation that I went down to the underground shelter and surveyed the ever dwindling, yet still plentiful stockpile of fine french wines.
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