Cole Potential, Ch. 1

"Beware the giant robot that looks like a cow!"

"His name is Mu and he shoots electricity from his fingers."

Q:  Is the robot evil or good?

"Well, neither, I guess he is neutral--but he gets mad sometimes."

Q:  How do you make him mad?  If I kicked him in the shin, would that make him mad?

"Definitely.   Also if you cough on him that infuriates him.   Actually it doesn't take much to get him upset."

Anna Karenina:  You see where he gets that anthropomorphized robot figure from don't you?

Q:  (and speaking in stereo):  Perhaps, but I'm not afraid of anything made of flesh and blood.   Unless its very big or can operate machinery that can shoot high doses of radiation at me--with excessive diagnostic testing.  Is Mu natural or man-made?

"Mu is definitely man made.  That's why he has so much Cole potential."

Q:  We must work together to defeat this giant robot before I accidentally cough on him.

"You cannot defeat Mu by any conventional means."

Q:  Lets try unconventional means then.   First, I propose that we lure Mu to a large man made bridge spanning a bay.  Then, we make him take a long walk in park near the bridge.   At the exploratorium in the park near the bridge, we take him by surprise by feeding him many Vietnamese Sandwiches without the special sweet chili mayo sauce.   Then we stuff his mouth with Japanese glutinous bean paste desserts.   That will overload his circuits and eliminate his Cole Potential.  You will see.

"I like your plan, but that only solves part of the problem.   We still will have to deal with his pet snake Pythor (aka Mr. Doctor Professor Pythor P. Chumsworth).   And Matt, Mu's big brother.  Matt is even more difficult to deal with.  He is most vulnerable when he is angry, but he rarely gets angry.

Q:  Well, I may have a solution to your problem.  First with regard to Pythor, given that he is a constrictor we will dispatch him with my portable rock of infinite space and dimension.   Pythor will be unable to constrict such an immense object.  It will keep him occupied for an infinite amount of time.  For Matt, the situation is much more problematic.  What are we going to do with him?  I suggest that we book him on a United Airline Flight which will inevitably be delayed--thereby increasing his anger.   At that point, we will assault him point blank with our bazookas which fire rapid rounds of banana filled sticky rice.  That should be highly effective in dispatching Matt.   Are there anymore denizens of the Cole Potential universe we much deal with?

"Let me think about it.  There is one more factor we must consider.   Matt has a secret weapon--a station that floats in space.   When the sun shines on the station, Matt is invincible.   When there is no sunlight, Matt can be attacked."

Q:  I'm not concerned about Matt's secret weapon.   Again, we will have him travel on United.  That way, he will be kept in the dark as to his arrival and departure times.  That should neutralize his defenses.

"Pythor has one more power I forgot to mention.   He can multiply himself.  But his clones are not as powerful as he......"

World Wide Wine Consumption, Ch. 1

The Manchu

"The Chinese visitors always tell me I look Mongolian.   From the Manchu dynasty."

"When I was 18 years old I was appointed to be the next Empress of China.   This caused great controversy between me, my mother and my aunt as they were older and should have assumed the throne ahead of me.  Nevertheless, the Empress, my Grandmother made the decision.  However, days before my 19th birthday I disappeared without a trace because God had other plans for me."

But I thought you said you were originally from Taiwan--not China?

"Right, but this was in one of my previous lives.   Don't you believe in Karma and Rebirth?  Sometimes I have access to my ancestors, right before I wake up, or in dreams.  Have you ever had that experience? Well, for me, I have been told by many fortune tellers on different continents the same thing--that I come from royal blood.  But I tell you, it was better I was saved from being an Empress.  Because power corrupts absolutely.  I don't know if I would have been strong enough to resist it.  You have heard of the expression `heads will roll', right?  The etymology of that word comes from the practice of Chinese Emperors having a swordsman right next to them as their servants pay homage to them by cowtowing.  If the servant so much as coughed or breathed too loudly while the Emperor was passing by the sword would fall and the servants head would go rolling down the throne.  But I wanted no part of that.  And Jesus saved me from all of that power."

"I've had a good life.  I like it best in North America.   I told my husband that I didn't want to go back to Seychelles.   He was French and hated America and everything about America.  He didn't want anything to do with America.   But I couldn't get him to stay in one place at any time.   He was always restless.  Always wanted to move.  Always trying to change me.  He was never really happy with me.   Not in the 23 years we were married.  We still are married actually.   I owned this bar and nightclub in Seychelles.  It was doing very well.   But a British couple came in one day and wanted to buy the place.  They gave me good money for it.  I could not refuse the money the offered.   I couldn't see myself long term in West Africa anyway.   It was too African.  I like it much better here."

"That's Men in Black part two on the television.   I have to have cable because of my job."

I don't have a television.

"That's great.  Because TV is not good for kids.   TV and the movies these days are constantly getting more and more outrageous to keep the kids' interest.  Like that pug that talks.   And in the process the kids get numb.   They don't develop any social skills.   They don't know how to interact with people anymore."

"So my husband came over here for awhile, but then moved to Tahiti and is working in a bar with his sister.  He wanted me to come with him.   We used to talk to each other on Skype all the time.  But then he stopped calling me.   I don't want to go to Tahiti.  What would I do there?  All the men are drunk all the time because there is nothing there to do.  The women have to run the place.   Its so matriarchal--not like here.   I like it much better here.   Thank God we never had any kids."

"You know our wine had a 7 out of 8 rating on Yelp?"