The Three AM Follies

 So it was up again at 3 am.  The milieu this time involved the somatic sensations of imbalance, like half of my body was operating at one energy level, and the other half, a different energy.  It wasn't that one side was relaxed, just completely different.  The ice cream at the state fair didn't help.  Neither did the Gin Blossoms, and I still had "Until I Fall" away repeating over and over in my mind.  There was something that always bothered me about that band.  Some weirdness.  Especially the posing of the lead guitarist.  I guess its sort of Karma in a way, you get rid of your best songwriter, and off you go.

Anyway, there was all sorts of 90s energy coming up for me.  I was in a dream with someone that I was trying to impress.  We were watching a video of Dan Littrell playing, and I said, "I was there" trying to impress my friend.  So the video shifted to the audience and there I was.  However, I was wearing a beard and weird glasses and acting like a buffoon.  So my attempt to impress my friend turned into an embarrassment.  Kind of like the 90s.  I was that embarrassment.  I was that weird person with the weird energy.  Now its even more pronounced...lol.  Wait till i really start getting old and talking to aliens.  (See even now I am still in a costume wearing a beard, trying to be funny but embarrassing myself at the same time--the question is:  who am I trying to impress?).

Then I was with Bill Dodson, who was my best friend in the early 90s and I was driving my car which was a mess and i had unopened condoms on the passenger floor and was disgusted with myself that he had to see them.  Then I became upset and was driving erratically, in the wrong lane, and was angry and disconcerted.   There was much more to the dream, maybe I'll remember it later.

Oh thats right, I was still with the friend I was trying to impress and there was something to do with insurance and a guy had this big shot that he intended to give me.  He said it contained vitamin C.  I thought it contained some sort of anti-psychotic medication and refused.  I'm not sure that impressed the friend either.

I guess at the end of the day that I look at the 3 am follies as the gift now.  Its were the purest form of energies are experienced.  If I can create a larger space or some space to fully participate in them, I know it would be a blessing.  For the somatic sensations turned into emotions, the pain into sadness, and I was crying when I was driving the car in the wrong direction.  Which I take to be an interesting way of experiencing that dream.