Eckhart Tolle is no Meister Eckhart a/k/a If Meister Eckhart were alive today, he would not be a life coach.

Sometimes when I'm feeling particularly mischievous (which is always, of course), I want to purge all life coaches in a particularly painful way.  I should stop being so hard on them though.  After all, everybody has to make a living in our society.  And some paths are unregulated and require no training.  But hey, they are following their own intuition.  Divine source told them so.  And they have a ten week online course you can sign up for to develop your own intuitive skills.  

Well I am now channeling Meister Eckhart.  Meister Eckhart is a little miffed (I'm not sure how he is saying miffed in German, but these details he tells me are not important) about life coaches.  He is telling me things like the divine will or the God-head is ultimately hidden and unknowable.  Its fucking beyond our reach.  And to reduce divine nature to "my" intuition spirit family cosmic family tribe telling me thus and so is bullshit.  

And then I went out to the forest with the Meister (he sometimes lets me call him Burger Meister Meister Burger).  And Meister said, "look all around you.  Everything, every leaf, every tree, every blade of grass is a manifestation of the divine. Everything is the Way.  Everything is God.  Even the life coaches getting little voices telling them to do thus and so are manifestations of the divine.  Its all good.  And its all beyond you Kokal.  In fact it isn't even about you.  Its about bigger things you will never understand.  And if you want to get all bent out of shape about life coaches, even that is a manifestation of the divine." 

And then he looked at me very seriously, as only a medieval monk could do.   And he expressed displeasure about even using the phrase "manifestation of the divine".    He took out his version of the Bible which was in Latin (which I could now read because my spirit guides were helping me) and read to me the book of Job.  And he told me that that the leviathan is the manifestation of the divine, not some prepackaged consumer good "manifestation" just waiting for you to consume on your spiritual path.   And when you see the divine and actually hear the divine you are lucky if all you do is poop in your lederhosen.  

By the way, I was going to file a lawsuit on behalf of Buddhists everywhere claiming that Eckhart Tolle wrongfully appropriated Buddhist writings as his own ideas.  Something like copyright infringement.  But the Buddhists said it was ok, they didn't want to sue because the writings were not theirs to begin with as they do not exist anyway.  

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