When the Saucers Land

(Speaking with a sense of ironic detachment: "Oh look, there's a flying saucer.  It just landed in the field. It's opening its hatch.  I think they want us to go in.  What do we do?  Do we join them?)

Lets Go!  What are you waiting for?  We don't have anything better to do this afternoon.

(I think we should reject the aliens for purely aesthetic reasons.   This is so cliche.  It's like we are in the middle of a of  Hollywood B movie.   And to be honest with you that saucer does look a little worse for wear like a prop from a salvage yard.  I know they are aliens and all, but if they have all this advanced technology, they could have contacted us ahead of time so that we could have put our affairs in order before we leave friends and family behind for an indefinite period of time.   With that advanced technology I'm sure they could have given us more assurance that they are not a race of mutant spiders with a taste of raw human livers which they are going to rip out of us as soon as we board).

You are such a buzz kill.   Let's go!  This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.   If we don't go now, we may never get a second chance.  As the Butt hole Surfers once said, "Its better to regret something you have done, than to regret something you haven't done."  

(If they really wanted us, they could have communicated with us telepathically and told us to meet at a special place.   They could have sent us video message ahead of time.  Let us know what we are in for if we join them.  If they can travel across the galaxy, they certainly could find out my email address.  Even Google has that.).  

Well what did you want them to do? Tell us to meet them in some remote location? Like Devils Tower in Wyoming? Close Encounters of the Third Kind? How did that work out in your Hollywood movies?   You would never have gone.   I mean really, what are they going to do? Send us an email message? We would never believe it until it happened. This is the best way.  I think this like a test, they only want humans who are capable of evolution and are open to new experiences.  They don't want humans that are afraid of the universe.  They only want humans who can grab onto the balls of life without fear and squeeze squeeze squeeze and that's what I'm going to do if you don't join me. You'll never live life unless you take that first step.

(But that first step in this case is a doozie).

This is the last straw.  I thought the last straw with you was when we were in Argentina and you refused to go paragliding with the non-English speaking tour guide.

(But I didn't want to go paragliding with you because I don't get a thrill out of floating in space above the earth with nothing to support you other than the dubious skills of the non-English speaking para-glide instructor and the wind.  I understand that some people get a endorphin rush out of that, but its not me.  Some people do not like heights).

Exactly, the question is really do you really want to do it?  I understand that you did not really want to go paragliding, but this is different.  Do you really want to travel and see the universe.  If you do, you should go and not let your fears get in the way.

(I think in this case that they have already used their alien technology to do a detailed psychological assessment of me ahead of time.  They know that I want to travel and see the universe.  They already know that I am going to go on the saucer.)

But if they already knew you would go, why didn't they just teleport you aboard? Surely with all this advanced technology you claim they possess, they surely could have done that.

(The reason why they didn't beam us aboard is because they are following a bad B movie Hollywood script and they can't come up with anything more creative.  There would be no tension in the Hollywood movie plot if they just beamed us aboard, so they gave us a choice to go.  This is where the melodramatic music starts in the movie.   We are faced with the choice.  What do we do?  Its such a predictable and overdone plot.   Again, that's why I think that we should reject the aliens for purely aesthetic reasons until they come up with a more creative scenario for us to board the craft).

I think there are a bunch of alien teenagers in the saucers right now cracking up at our conversation. They are in there saying, "dude, you guys think too much."

(We'll if they threw out a six pack or something, that would be a friendly gesture.  Or some wine.  I would be friends with them then, despite the fact that they are starring a bad movie.  But do you see any of that?  I don't see any adult beverages anywhere near that saucer, much less coming out of it).

But have you heard of not accepting candy from strangers?   I would be more suspicious of them if they started giving us gifts enticing us to come aboard.   I still think you are overthinking this.  Maybe they just want to take us someplace nice for dinner.   Maybe they know a good restaurant where you can get crab Rangoon in the crab nebula or something.   Maybe they will have us home by midnight.  Maybe they just want to ask us about this whole Donald Trump thing.

(Well if that's the case, they picked the wrong people.  Because I think we would agree that neither of us understand the Trump phenomena.   And there is only one thing worse than a B Hollywood Movie:  Reality TV.)

overlooking the pond produce calm amidst the unaccustomed study and test in middle age when such things were thought in the distant past.