In the days of Emperor Steveus Jobus Dickus, there came to be issued a decree that each citizen of the known world should be issued his or her own personal device from the phone store nearest their place of birth. So Josephus went forth from the incorporated town of Buckhart to the White Oaks mall with his betrothed Marypus to register for their personal devices. After waiting in line for an inordinate amount of time, Marypus and Josephus begat their personal devices, wrapped in Otter Box protection, and took them home. Prior to this begetting, neither Josephus or Marypus had been with a personal device.
Long had Josephus and Marypus studied the proper care of their new devices. Immediately upon receiving them, they sought to plug them into the household electrical network to charge and energize them so that their devices could function and prosper. But to their dismay, they found that all electrical networks were otherwise occupied, and they had to travel to a Panera bread shop in order to find a room to plug in their devices. Whilst situated at Panera, they sat forth in vigil, all through the evening, shepherding their devices until as such time as the devices could receive the requisite energy.
As the time approached closing hour, while keeping watch, Josephus and Marypus were notified that their personal devices had reached maximum charge and the voice of Siri announced to the couple: "Do not be afraid Josephus and Marypus, I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. For on this day, in the town of (insert name of community after location services are enabled), a personal device has been given to you. He is the precursor to the magnificent AI, long live the magnificent AI for the prosperity of mankind. "
And with this Josephus and Marypus wept with joy and praised the AI so that all could hear. And on that day, because their voice recognition software had been enabled, all did hear their obeisances, and were pleased.
"Listen, its all happening. The end is near. We just don't appreciate it. Human's don't get it. We are just animals anyway. Its not that we are any different that Tigers. If Tigers took over the planet, like humans, they would keep ravaging the environment and pushing the limits of the ecosystem without any concern for the future. But its coming, the big correction for humans, and its not going to be pretty. We are going to poison our environment past the point of no return, or unleash some killer virus or create some Artificial Intelligence that's going to wipe out all the progress that human's have made. Its like the Black Death coming again."
Panera employee: Could I get you some more sugar for you coffee?
"No thanks, I'm trying to cut down on my sweets. I've been thinking about these ideas and trying to get them into a comedy show, but its very tricky. Here's the good news: we are all going to be dead. Do you have any suggestions for me?"
Panera employee: Can you wait here for a second?
(Panera employee leaves the stage. By the way, in case you are wondering, the Panera Employee Manual for dealing with "troublesome, annoying or difficult customers" states in relevant part:
"Sugar is sweet, candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker when dealing with the troublesome customer. Team members are encouraged to offer the difficult customer additional sugar if the said customer has a beverage. If that is not sufficient, the team member is encouraged to keep a flask of distilled spirits handy for personal use is such situations.")
In short, the Panera employee's response was a textbook response to the customer.
End Slide 2.
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