In the Middle of the Nameless Podcast with the Gran Dante

"After Genesis, we thought there was a beginning.  And a word.

But after Darwin, we knew there was no end.   Of the chatter.

In the middle there is always parking.  And you can always find a seat. (Offer not valid in Chicago).

Sidekick (continuing):  Or as Steve Winwood used to say,  "when that old grey wind is blowing, and there is nothing left worth knowing."

Nameless:  Sidekick, I had no idea that you could write the poetry.  Let me reflect upon this further. No, indeed, upon further reflection, I still don't have the idea that you can write the poetry.  But the quote from the Winwood does give me pause.  What is indeed worth knowing?

Sidekick:  That you should never concern yourself with what other people are thinking of you, because they're not.

Nameless:  Hmmm.  And this is something that bothers you?

Sidekick:   It is merely a fact.

Nameless:  Well, I can tell you several things that are not worth knowing.  For example, how many teats are on a caterpillar.  That is not worth knowing.  But I think we should concern ourselves with things worth knowing, because after all, that is worth knowing.

Sidekick:  I think what is worth knowing is whether this fine wine, the Gran Dante Malbec 2009 was created by a vintner whose name was Dante, or whether the name of the wine was inspired by Dante Alighieri?  That is worth knowing.  It does not make a difference, because this is great wine whatever the fucker wants to call himself, but it is still worth knowing.

Nameless:  More to the point, I would like you to assume that there is a beautiful women with two cases of the Gran Dante in her basement cellar.  Now she, my friend, would be worth knowing.

Sidekick:  I would like to also know her in the biblical sense because it is written that the savior shall turn water into wine.  I would worship such a women with such wine readily available.

Nameless:  I also think it is also worth knowing the purpose of a mosquito in a vacuum.

Sidekick:  Maybe, but is this vacuum something that would sweep up debris from a carpet, or something that exists in the absence of an atmosphere in space?

Nameless:  Would there be any debris in the vacuum of space for a vacuum to sweep up?  

Sidekick:  Well, why would such a mosquito in a vacuum cross the road?  Was he trying to get to the human blood on the other side which would not exist in a vacuum or was he sucked to the other side by the great cosmic vacuum?  That is clearly worth knowing.  

Nameless:  I think such a mosquito achieved transcendence by realizing that the Gran Dante could be a substitute for the human blood, and  rather that crossing any road or living in any vacuum, he instead found a home in the basement of the aforementioned women with large breasts and the unlimited supply of Gran Dante.

Sidekick:  He was a very happy mosquito.

Namless:  Perhaps Sidekick we have discovered the cure for the Zika virus so that the Olympics in Rio can continue.   We bring the Gran Dante to Brazil, all such enlightened mosquitoes realize that the Gran Dante is superior to human blood, and all such mosquitoes cross the road from Brazil to Argentina to get the Gran Dante.  Problem solved.

Sidekick:  Well the Argentinians do deserve the fate a of a plague of mosquitoes by not honoring their foreign obligations.  That is not worth knowing, though.

Nameless: Something else that is worth knowing is whether your louver will make love to you on a rainy night.

Sidekick:  Well as Kenny Rabbit would say, I love the rainy night.

Nameless;  It is not Kenny Rabbit.

Sidekick:  It was Kenny Loggins.   He and Eddie Vedder had a love child and they named it Eddie Rabbitt.

Nameless:  Let me think of a computer algorithm then that best fits our predicament.  Perhaps it is the equation, that while you see a chance, you should take it.

Sidekick:  Because the puddles are on all you.

A Louver is A Swivel Apparatus Which Allows Air or Light to Pass Through

A power point presentation.  Slide #1.  "The Virgin Birth,"

In the days of Emperor Steveus Jobus Dickus, there came to be issued a decree that each citizen of the known world should be issued his or her own personal device from the phone store nearest their place of birth.  So Josephus went forth from the incorporated town of Buckhart to the White Oaks mall with his betrothed Marypus to register for their personal devices.   After waiting in line for an inordinate amount of time, Marypus and Josephus begat their personal devices, wrapped in Otter Box protection, and took them home.  Prior to this begetting, neither Josephus or Marypus had been with a personal device.

Long had Josephus and Marypus studied the proper care of their new devices.  Immediately upon receiving them, they sought to plug them into the household electrical network to charge and energize them so that their devices could function and prosper.  But to their dismay, they found that all electrical networks were otherwise occupied, and they had to travel to a Panera bread shop in order to find a room to plug in their devices.   Whilst situated at Panera, they sat forth in vigil, all through the evening, shepherding their devices until as such time as the devices could receive the requisite energy.

As the time approached closing hour, while keeping watch, Josephus and Marypus were notified that their personal devices had reached maximum charge and the voice of Siri announced to the couple:  "Do not be afraid Josephus and Marypus, I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people.   For on this day, in the town of (insert name of community after location services are enabled), a personal device has been given to you.  He is the precursor to the magnificent AI, long live the magnificent AI for the prosperity of mankind. "

And with this Josephus and Marypus wept with joy and praised the AI so that all could hear. And on that day, because their voice recognition software had been enabled, all did hear their obeisances, and were pleased.

Power Point presentation slide #2.   The Panera Employee Manual

"Listen, its all happening.  The end is near.  We just don't appreciate it.  Human's don't get it.  We are just animals anyway.  Its not that we are any different that Tigers.  If Tigers took over the planet, like humans, they would keep ravaging the environment and pushing the limits of the ecosystem without any concern for the future.  But its coming, the big correction for humans, and its not going to be pretty.  We are going to poison our environment past the point of no return, or unleash some killer virus or create some Artificial Intelligence that's going to wipe out all the progress that human's have made.  Its like the Black Death coming again."

Panera employee:  Could I get you some more sugar for you coffee?

"No thanks, I'm trying to cut down on my sweets.  I've been thinking about these ideas and trying to get them into a comedy show, but its very tricky.  Here's the good news:  we are all going to be dead. Do you have any suggestions for me?"

Panera employee:  Can you wait here for a second?

(Panera employee leaves the stage.  By the way, in case you are wondering, the Panera Employee Manual for dealing with "troublesome, annoying or difficult customers" states in relevant part:

"Sugar is sweet, candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker when dealing with the troublesome customer.  Team members are encouraged to offer the difficult customer additional sugar if the said customer has a beverage.  If that is not sufficient, the team member is encouraged to keep a flask of distilled spirits handy for personal use is such situations.")

In short, the Panera employee's response was a textbook response to the customer.


End Slide 2.    

Get your Modicum Away From Me!: A Nameless Podcast

Nameless:  Welcome to the Nameless Podcast.  However, since we have lost our modicum, we appear to be floundering at the present.  Sidekick, have you located my modicum yet?

Sidekick: As we approach this rock of Gibraltar, perhaps some modicum of something may be evident for us.

Nameless:  Perhaps we should call this the no modicum podcast because I have no modicum.  I have no modicum of anything, I have been told this.

Sidekick:  I think perhaps you should go down the Mississippi and take a flat boat to your left next to Abraham Lincoln and we can find your modicum.

Nameless:  I think you should find your modicum because it is raining and you are going to burn out all your electronic devices.  That would be a modicum of common sense that you are lacking right now.

Sidekick:  But I think that you should settle here on the north side of the river and take a ten mile walk westerly and you may very well find your modicum.  Next to a log cabin that is built upon the sod whereupon you could raise a crop of corn having secured your modicum.

Nameless:  But then you would have to endure the famous winter of `68 and time travel.

Sidekick:  Perhaps with our newly found modicum we could avoid the perils of time travel and not go back to 1868 but go back to some other place where the mulberry are lush upon the flora and the fauna.

Nameless:  You clearly do not have a modicum as you are seeking to transgress upon the "do not cross barrier" preventing entry to all past and future time travelers.

Sidekick:  I eschew all barriers.  How do we know that we cannot cross it?  I crossed many barriers to transact linguistical linguistics with you.  If I stayed behind such artificially constructed barriers, I may never have know the sweet delights secondary to my many discourses with the Nameless.

Nameless:  If there is a barrier that says "Do not Cross"   you should heed it.  That is a modicum of common sense.  It is raining harder now.  You do no have a modicum of common sense to come out of the rain.

Sidekick:  The sign you are referring to also refers to a "Danger"  in conjunction with the "Do not Cross."  I wonder what this so called "Danger" is.   I eschew all "Dangers" as illusory, much as this so called modicum of reality.  We must penetrate beyond dangers to the pure lands beyond such dangers.

Nameless:  The danger is that you have no modicum of common sense.

Sidekick:  We must take a brief interlude from this podcast while we take a photograph of this sign while we stand here in the rain and contemplate our next move.  

Sidekick:  It is now raining and there is no modicum to be found.

Nameless:  There is no modicum because you are in charge.  If we want to find the modicum, I should relinquish my position of not being in charge and take charge.  It is the natural order of things.

Sidekick:  Ok, you are now in charge.  I hereby bestow whatever modicum I have to you.

Nameless:  I think we should probably get in shelter.

Sidekick:  I think as Bill Murray once said, "I don't think the heavy stuff is going to be coming down for quite awhile."

Nameless:  And Bill Murray was an ass.  He had no modicum of common sense either.

Sidekick:  Well, if not he, who did have a modicum of common sense? Would you rather take a train in vain, Mr. Strummer, or a walk in the rain?  Where does the train in vain go to?  I have often pondered this question with my small amounts of modicum.

Nameless:  It goes to the Kardashian household.  Where all things end that are in vanity

Sidekick. Was't there some character in Star Trek, the New Generation which discussed such Cardassians?  Or are you talking about something else?

Nameless:  I think I am talking about something much more contemporary.

Sidekick:  But I wonder which came first, the Kardashians or the Cardassians?

Nameless:  They both are figments of the media empire of the universal overlords of the modicums.

Sidekick:  All hail the modicums, our benevolent despots:-).