Upside-Down

The first thing that happens in a panic attack is you think you're going to die. You think your heart is going to stop. You think you're going to have a stroke. You think blood is leaking into your brain. You think you can't remember.

Then there are the physical manifestations coinciding with the panic.     You feel your heart stopping. You feel faint. You feel your heart racing. You feel your blood constricted.  You can't breathe.

Your world turns upside down.  You feel an whelming disorientation.   You must run. You must get out.  

But it is too late for you this time.   This time the real thing is happening.   You feel a strange sensation that's not quite pain as the last strands connecting you to your body slip out and you begin to fall.  As you fall you begin to dissolve.     

The first response to death is denial.  You think that that this cannot be happening. You think there was so much more to do.  But down you go.    In a while you realize that it all came to this--this nothingness--this silliness.  But as you descend further you realize that it wouldn't of made any difference anyway. It all becomes this in the end.  

When you stop falling, you hear music.  But it's not a choir of angels.  Its your alarm clock playing your local radio station.   And yes, you have to go to work.  And no, it doesn't make any difference.