The Ceremony

 All this yoga nidra, baths at night, darkness, lack of activity, no liquid spirits, is slowing down.  Like in Tucson where I did nothing.  At least at night.  And it feels like my whole body is vibrating in a sort of painful sort of way.  Starting with my calves as they begin to be more grounded for the first time in a long time

And i noticed that Lachman/Wilson pen mediation, the pendulation between and object of concentration, and the grounded rest of reality is interesting, but the pain all over is almost like a vibration of light or tinnitus.  Or something.  And when i have no plans for it, but only emptiness, it is pointing in that direction.  The direction of following a ceremony that has nothing to do with me, my plans, my job, my life, but just a drum beat that has been going on for quite a long time, longer than I can imagine.

And that is all there is.  And I know Lachman wants to write a memoir.  And all sorts of non-dual Buddhists want to talk about their path, their journey, but it is pushing in a different direction that really is nowhere.  Nothing.  :-)  

The Labyrinth

 The manifestations of the brain are labyrinthian in nature.  As a whole and from the outside, the labyrinth can be beautiful to look at.  But it doesn't really lead anywhere if you are inside it.  And a part of me is always trying to find a way out.  Except at night, then I'm content to be in my cave cocoon, but that's an entirely different kind of energy.

And in a way, external perception, modified, amplified or moderated through the brain can be this type of hallucination.  A dead end.  And psychedelics in a way can amplify the process.   Again the experience can be beautiful, but ultimately not really leading anywhere.

And in a way, dreams can have this same quality of a labyrinth.  Not really leading anywhere.  And this is why when I hear people "sharing" their psychedelic experience or dreams, there is a part of me that resists.  Subjective experience has a party of one.  I'm looking for an experience we can can share, that transcends us.  

And of course that what some would say these experiences are.  That they break down the boundaries, and allow us to experience that which connects us all.  While at the same time being turtles all the way down.  I just don't know.

And in a dream, the person I was with drew the death card.  Which is all about self limitations and we don't realize we have.  We can remove the chains that bind us, if we realized them for what they are.  And I think I'm realizing them now.  And my experience with Blackburn college is related to that.  While JD does not have the chain, there might be something still on me.