Jumping through an Infinite Number of Hoops

 Ok, this adventure started where all interesting adventures start:  in a dream or in Ayahuasca space.  The dream, which of course is kinda like a nightmare (and nightmare is explained below), is that really at the end of the day when you go to sleep you go to a place that you always forget about during the day, but remember each night is a place of annihilation.   You realize that what you experience during the day is some sort of illusion.  And really, this is the end.  So its like death.   Death = sleep.  And of course, that is the nightmare in Aya space as well, the endless repetitions and illusory nature of what you thought your life was.  So this is where I was at last night.  I remembered that this always happens at night and it is our inescapable destiny.

And of course, the practice is to go into it right? Relax into it.  Go into the nightmare.  And indeed, something about life, the endless cycles of life suggest that consciousness is always going to frame what is the phenomenal nature of reality into this endless cycles of this bad dream or nightmare.  And if we solve it, it is going to reframe into something even more intimidating and foreboding.  That is just the way reality works.  But there is a strange gift or state of grace that allows us to navigate these endless waves and cycles by going into the illusory nature of this nightmare, embodying it, and allowing it to transform us.

Even on the meditation cushion, I feel certain mind states and can go into them like this.  Indeed, I think at one level, all thoughts are similar to this bad dream or anxiety or disconnection with reality.  And even when the energy states haven't quite coalesced into anxiety filled thoughts we can still go into them.  

And in this way, anxiety is not negative, just a pebble that causes a perturbation in the pond.  with waves going out with the opportunity to connect with them and allowing their energy to transform us.

Forms, Forms the Magical Fruit

 This is going to be difficult to describe.   It goes something like this:  I bring the four directions into my body.  I feel/imagine the space in front (east) side (south) back (east) and side (north) and in the process I create/feel/imagine a form of my space and the contours of same.  And its not just  physical form, its also sort of a rhythm. 

This form resonates with the process that goes on with every aspect of our lives.  We create similar energetic forms, patterns and rhythms for our work, relationships, play.  And these forms can be felt on the inside and are always changing.  Sometimes, as occurred last night we feel them most acutely--especially when these forms are in the process of changing and altering into something else, which they always are, of course, the pain of change is felt.   And this is what we are grateful for.  To become the holder and vessel of this change.  

But in some ways, we don't create:  we hold, we interpret, we notice, we attend, we nourish.  But what happens is not ours.  And it is only indirectly the result of our efforts.  And that is when we can hold onto gratitude. 

Last nights Dream was probably associated to some degree with the Regency denizen's singing of  "South Pacific" at last nights drum circle.  Because it started in an Island.  And there were only women on the Island.  I think it was during World War 2.   The women are strong and independent.  And armed.  And organized.  Men come in vehicles.  They have guns and must be stopped.  But the women have difficulty getting organized and responding.  Its not that they are necessarily surprised, but their guns don't work and they can't get them out.  I take one of them and start shooting at some of the men and it doesn't shoot bullets but kind of a beam which gradually removes his flesh and is painful to watch.  Then I get shot in the heart by one of the men and wake up.

Its interesting that the women were kind of non-plussed at the invasion of men.  And in some ways, maybe they we responding in a different way than with retaliation and/or agression.  And I was the only on reacting to the situation "like a man".  Figures :-)