El Shabbat on a One Way Road

 Ok, so down the rabbit hole with this one.  Right before I woke up this morning I was driving in the wrong direction on a one-way road.  Like turning right while on Cook street to Seventh Street and realizing traffic is heading right at you.  So I pulled over and tried to turn around and traffic was heading right at me from that direction as well.  In other words, I needed to pull my dram car over and stop driving.

Anyway, at three am, I dictated a kind of rambling dream in which among other things, had some dentist with a Jewish name like El Shabbat.  Which of course when I looked it up later is all about the Saturday morning of rest.  So in other words, the dream was a reminder that I should not go driving later in another part of the dream.  Take a rest dude.  Don't do anything.  Stillness.  Or as you hypothesized some Iranian doctors as having, CLARITY.  Whatever. CLARITY is overrated when the universe that operates in modes that are BEYOND MY PAYGRADE.  Ok, I'm stopping:  :-)

I'll be your bitch, especially if you were a cheerleader

So I have been reluctant to expose the full excitement and weirdness I have at times.  And it probably stems back from being social awkward growing up, especially among women.  And somewhere along the line I must have been told I was weird or didn't really fit into the vibe kids were in at the time.  I suppose that wouldn't have been surprising.  Lately, I've noticed the comfort I get when I expose (notice I keep using that word, like being naked) my feelings.  Like with SD when I said that I was going to be a channel, or D where I indicated we would be checking in on each other as we grow old in the same building.   And yes, if she was a cheerleader back in the day, I would be her bitch, (her word).  And there was something almost touching about that how I have this younger part of me that can demonstrate its raw emotions to connect with someone for comfort.  And there is nothing wrong with that.  I guess if I get rebuffed, they are not part of my tribe to begin with right.

And of course this rawness is also like turtles all the way down, and of course it has a dark side as well.  And I get that as well.  Like one organism swimming into another under a veneer of love.  I get that as well.  But by God, just the comfort of being at ease with someone would be so awesome.  Even if it was a product of human design...lol  

By the way, I love that little guy who is some girl's bitch.  He's kinda hysterical.  And I wonder if the gift of being used by someone goes all the way down into some esoteric act of surrender or theurgy.  Would not be surprising.  I feel i'm going down the hypnotic stairwell deep in the forest, or in my ancient east side boarding house to find out the mystery of where that leads, where my younger needy guy leads me.