I Work at a Factory all Day and I Make All Kinds of Things

but the one thing I don't make is sense.

Instead, I make copacetic accessories for a little boutique down on the Gaza strip.

But Bob, I get asked constantly, "I know you are copacetic and all, but are you really better off than you were a year ago?"

To which I inevitably respond, "Its not at all about the space time continuum.  Everything you think you know in life is actually controlled by Fifth Dimensional entities beyond our comprehension who sit all day on couches and watch endless reruns of the Andy Griffith show on TV land.   Indeed,  these Fifth Dimensional beings manipulated human evolution in order that not only was the Andy Griffith show created, but it was put into syndication.  Remember the Cuban Missile Crisis?  The Cold War?  Ever think about why humanity didn't destroy itself when it had the chance?  Well the answer my friend, is not blowing in the wind.  Instead, these Fifth Dimensional beings kept humanity from certain destruction in order than not only would the internet be created, but cable TV, Netflix, and an endless supply of 1950s TV reruns available to any and all couch potatoes in the world.   Indeed, as long as the Earth rotates around the Sun, no wonder what else happens to humanity, you can rest assured that Cable TV will be available and streaming on some sort of bandwidth that is easily accessible to our friends in the Fifth Dimension."

"In other words my friend," I tell them, with a certain amount of glee, "the question is not whether I'm better off, or what my country can do for me, but whether the goal in life should be to not only carpe diem, but to carpe carpum.  In other words, you have to seize life by the wrist, pull it off that goddamn couch, and turn that freaking TV off.    And by the way, my name is not Bob, its Dick.   I hate it when people call me Bob!"

The Earth Has Two Moons

The Earth has two moons.

And I have two minds.  The one mind which I think is real, has no substance.   The other mind which I cannot experience is more real that I can imagine.

Many moons ago, when humans looked up in the sky they could see two moons.  One moon was a ball of fire that provided light and heat and interfered with your eyes if you stared at it too long.  When that moon went away, another moon appeared, white, cold and dark.

The ball of fire was worshiped as no other god, concept or religious deity has ever been worshiped before or since.  Its benefits were immediate and tangible.  Its adherents could feel its glory directly warming their skin and souls.  It ceaselessly bestowed life upon the world with reservation.  Its glory was shared equally by all:   rich, poor, believers and non-believers alike.  This moon became the center of the universe, of all that was good on the Earth.

The other moon which appeared in the sky in what became known as night was shrouded in mystery.  It was to be feared.   For in the night, death came swiftly and brutally to the unprepared.

Then the sun god was dethroned by the clever humans.  The sun became just one of many natural events controlled by well defined scientific principles.  The sun no longer was the center of the universe,  denigrated to just one of a countless number of suns in the universe.  And so it goes.

But what does all this have to do with my mind?  The mind which I think is real is worshiped almost as intensely as the original Sun God.  I believe that it gives me everything I can know or perceive in the world around me.  How else can I perceive anything but for the access it provides me? 

But then the mind god was dethroned by the clever humans.   The mind is no longer the center of all that is known or can be known.  Instead, it resides in you and you and you.  Rock, Paper, Scissors.

The advantages of being a wall flower.   If only high school in wyoming were that cool, but I least I know all the music.  The dude from Iowa does not work out for the bird watcher.   Hopefully my sister will get the new job.  By the way, vintage port is kinda cool.....