Monday, February 29, 2016

I Can't Wait to Worship That

On 3/1/1992, at precisely 4:34:04 C.S.T, two deities passed in a seemingly unimportant stairwell in a seemingly unimportant federal office building in an obscure town in what was then known as the Midwestern United States (the nomenclature used prior to the Trump catastrophe of 2019) .

As the deities passed, they briefly exchanged a modulated Kardis-praxis bond.   However, as the time centrax did not intersect, they were directed elsewhere and there was no exegetical transference.

The encounter did not go unobserved.  For the Prylons it was a culmination of 10,000 years of waiting.  The brief encounter created an immediate stir on the extranet which could only be compared to an experience of complete transcendence.  Immediately, cross cultural rituals were created in order to obsessively document and duplicate the event.   Schisms soon developed within the factions.

Krylon XUS found that she could not adhere to the majority view of the adherents.  Her mind stuck to the belief that the mystical event, demarcated with demarcation of "Apotheosis 1/2" could not be analyzed or interpreted, but only experienced.   She started to invest with compound interest in the doctrinal doctrine of "Thinking About Not-Thinking," for which she was immediately rewarded by death from both above and below by the Adherents who were adherent with the notion that the so called "Apotheosis 1/2" must be vigorously and  rigorously cathected into a cathexis like a steam engine, building up more and more pressure of subliminal energy, over and over again, until it finds release in most satisfying alternative outlets of auto-erotic enjoyment of the soon to be called "object-cathexes" which are Nameless.  

But our little rant does not stop there.  For the Prylons, like their human precursors, continued to have digestion and neural pathways modulated in their gut microbiome until 3341 A.C.T.C.(After the Calamitous Trump Catastrophe--previously elucidated).  After 3341 A.C.T.C., such functions where differentiated by Nebulization.

In any event, Krylon XUS was with child at the time of her death when Agents of the Adherents of the Cathected Cathexis visited their wrath (both above and below) on Krylon XUS,   At the time of the attack, Krylon XUS experienced changes in her gastrointestinal motility and secretion via signaling molecules released into the gut lumen from cells in the lamina propria because of stress of the attack.  Krylon YUS (the daughter), then in untero, concomitantly experienced communications from her host mother through enteric microbiota via multiple epithelial-cell receptor mediated signalling with increased intestinal permeability.  In short, the child had one hell of a shit storm which accompanied her during her formative years.  Strangely enough, and by some heretofore unknown mechanism, said shit storms gradually subsided and are present now in Krylon YUS in a strange and uncontrollable propensity to have uncontrollable bilateral leg kicking tremors and deliriums.   Such kicking tremors continue to this day.














Saturday, February 20, 2016

One Step Beyond: A Nameless Podcast

Once again, I am the Sidekick, and this is the podcast that we have started that does not have a name and is Nameless.   I don't know why we have started this.  But I have pressed the record button.  If you would be listening to this podcast instead of reading it, you would notice that I am speaking to you in a mock Western Drawl like I am from Wyoming.  I actually am from Wyoming, but I am only speaking like this to impress the Nameless one.

Nameless:  I am indeed impressed at your superficial and half-hearted attempts to mimic many languages, Sidekick.  If only more people in the world, writ large, made similar half hearted attempts to master things, the world undoubtedly would be significantly enhanced.

Sidekick:  You may have your wish, Nameless.  I hear that the Pope is actually making a half hearted attempt to bring a small modicum if reason into the Papacy where previously no such modicum existed.  I even heard today on the news that said Pope, in addition to criticizing the Turnip (aka the Trump), actually suggested that it was acceptable for women in countries concerned about the Zika virus to use contraception.  Would you not agree, Nameless, that this presents a major shift for the church which in the past has turned a blind eye to problems related to sex running the gamut from child abuse to AIDS?

Nameless:  It is somewhat ironic that the bar for the Papacy is set so low these days that even where the Pope makes a superficial and half-hearted attempt to seem reasonable, he is universally applauded.

Sidekick:  Indeed, he may soon win the Noble prize in numerous categories--the world is so starved for reasonableness in its religious figures.

Nameless:  And I am so starved for lunch, Sidekick, what have you brought me as an offering?

Sidekick:  I bring you food from our sponsor, "Curry in a Hurry."  With a Kingfisher lager--our other sponsor. 

Nameless:  Most thrilling chilled.

Sidekick:  I have heard that there are many other things that are thrilling in the world, including those that occur in Secret Area 28, if you can circumvent the road blocks.

Nameless:  I like the way you think Sidekick, when the world goes to hell in a bucket, will you meet me in Area 28 with your sidearm so that we can prepare our defense and rebuild the world from the ashes of the Turnip?

Sidekick:  What's the over-under on the Turnip getting elected and the world going to hell in a bucket?

Nameless:  About the same chance of you staying out past ten on two nights in a row.

Sidekick:  Oh, its much less.  Hell, I may go out every night this week past ten because Imperial Stout seems to be ubiquitous at local establishments.  The Turnip, on the other hand, would have to persuade those beyond his base (white male over 50--and in a persistent vegetative state) which isn't going to happen when there is a general election.

Nameless:  Please excuse me.  I have to collect evidence from all the mischievous activities that have been partaken in my immediate vicinity.

Sidekick:  Generalized Mischievous activities (GMA's?)

Nameless:  Mischievous activities that are madness.

Sidekick:  Madness means taking "One step beyond."

Nameless:  They are going multiple steps beyond.  They are not the social norm.  They are outcasts.

Sidekick:  We know all about outcasts in Mumbai.  We do not want to be outcasts, we want to be Brahmin.

Nameless:  We want to be accepted, but we also want to be crazy and madness.

Sidekick:  One step beyond!

Nameless:  Perhaps we should start our own English Ska group?

Sidekick:  Yes, the nameless Ska Group.

Nameless:  Just nameless, though we will play the Ska.

Sidekick:  Will we dance to the Ska?

Nameless:  Everyone will dance to the Ska.

Sidekick:  Do you regret partaking in madness activities?

Nameless:  No, I need madness activities in my life.  Madness activities make me very happy.  There is a sect of madness people.

Sidekick:  Donde esta la sect de la madness?

Nameless:  It is everywhere where the people who live in fear are able to overcome their fear and break the monopoly that fear has over them.

Sidekick:  Do they have monopoly hotels in Park Place where there is no fear?

Nameless:  Yes, they live in Park Place, they live in the jail, and they live in Baltic Avenue.  They live everywhere.

Sidekick:  I have always admired your community chest.

Nameless:  And if you round go, you will collect $200 from my community chest.  But you may have to go to jail to collect.  But my Grandfather clock is in the jail, so you will find the jail most comfortable.  Together with the figity legs, you will think that you have found a home.

Sidekick:  Does the Grandfather clock sneak up on people in the middle of the night and say, Luke, Luke, I am your Grandfather?

Nameless:  You are madness Sidekick.  You belong in the group of madness.

Sidekick:  Can you tell me where I can apply to this group of madness that you have founded?

Nameless:  It is www.nameless.madness\one step beyond.  You will find a direct link to the world of madness.  And many pictures of the figity legs.

Sidekick:  I feel like home already.  If only there were curry here.

Nameless:  Did your mother make tasty curry Sidekick?

Sidekick: No, she only made babies that were intelligent and funny.

Nameless:  Then join us madness, take the one step beyond.  We can cater the curry from "Curry in a Hurry" our delicious sponsor.

Sidekick:  I can't wait to join your ashram at Area 28!













Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Angela Merkel for President (of the United States)

I'm heartened by the fact that Chelsea Clinton now intends to run for some sort of political office someday.   It a country founded on the principles of meritocracy, I'm glad that nepotism has no place in American politics.   I'm also a staunch supporter of any of the Bush grandchildren running for office in Texas, Florida, or wherever.   Especially if they can speak Spanish.  I'm also glad to see that in our meritocracy, being married to someone politically connected is not advantageous to political success.  

This is not true in other countries where nepotism still thrives.  Angela Merkel, for example, grew up the daughter of a Lutheran minister in East Germany.   Due to her fathers immense political connections with  West Germany, (then a separate country and enemy),  Angela breezed though college in one of the easiest disciplines (Chemistry) eventually matriculating to earn a Ph. D. in Quantum Chemistry.

(Only one U.S. President has ever had a Ph. D, Woodrow Wilson, and he earned that degree over one hundred years ago.  As such, America has been blessed by over 100 years of Presidents failing to earn the highest degree that our educational institutions have to offer.  But we have had plenty of lawyers).


But Angela Merkel is not alone.  Many other countries have leaders with outstanding educational credentials.  Manmohan Singh from India, for example,  took the "easy" route in his educational studies first at Cambridge and then Oxford, where he earned a Ph. D. in Economics.  No wonder the Indian economy has performed so poorly in the last two decades.(I'm kidding).    He was the leader of India while we had George Bush.


And let us not forget that other Asian country that has had stagnant economic growth for the past ten years (again, I'm kidding):  China.  Xi Jinping, its currently leader, started his working career on a farm in China at the age of 16, then went on to earn an undergraduate degree in Chemical Engineering and later a doctorate degree in Marxist philosophy and ideology.  After seeing our current slate of candidates for President, I don't see anyone matching up to this Chinese leader in intellect or gravitas.  But they likely will have been married to someone famous.  Or starred in a popular TV show.  Or can speak Spanish and say the right things to Christian fundamentalists. Makes me sick.


And I'm just getting started.  Hassan Rouhani, the Iranian leader that Benjamin Netanyahu (who incidentally isn't included on this list because because he only has a Master's degree in Management from M.I.T.) loves to hate, Ph. D. in Constitutional Law from Scotland's Caledonian University in 1995.


Elio Di Rupo, Belgium, both a masters and Ph. D. in Chemistry.


Mohamed Morsi, Egypt, Ph. D. in Material Science Engineering from U.S.C.  He even held an assistant professorship at Cal. State Northridge up to 1985.  Not crazy about his politics, and its not like he lasted long in power but shit, notice a trend here?


Morsi and Rouhani aren't the only muslim leaders with Ph. Ds.  Turkey's Abdullah Gul, also has a Ph. D. in economics.   Indeed, Turkey's economy was also performing very well until the whole Iraq mess that we started, and the Syrian mess that the Iraq mess with interference from the Russian's started got investors skiddish.  Speaking of Russia, lets not forget Putin, who allegedly has a some sort of doctorate of law from a University in St. Petersburg.  But as you can tell, I'm discounting the contributions of a law degree to economic prosperity...lol


That leaves honorable mention awards to  Ólafur Ragnar Grímsson, Iceland, who has a Ph.d in political science (almost as bad as law..lol) and Dr. Mulatu Teshome president of Ethiopia.


No awards go to the United States in this category.







Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Deep Harmony: A Nameless Podcast

Once again, I am the Sidekick, and this is the podcast that we have started that does not have a name and is Nameless.   I don't know why we have started this.  But I have pressed the record button.  If you would be listening to this podcast instead of reading it, you would notice that I am speaking to you in a mock accent like I am from Mumbai.  But I am not from Mumbai.

Nameless:  Indeed, I am Nameless and this is my podcast so it is appropriately named, or not named as the case may be.   It is good to see you again Sidekick.  What's new?

Sidekick:  Twenty years after the novel Infinite Jest was written, my tenth anniversary of attempting to read it and failing is coming up next month.  I intend not to make that 10 year milestone. Perhaps if you kick me in the buttocks I will actually finish it this time.

Nameless:  I would gladly plant my foot in your ass.  But today is your special day Sidekick. Because it is the fifth Saturday of the Vernal Equinox in the age of Aquarius, I will grant that you may call me, the Nameless one, by any name you so choose.

Sidekick:  I would rather experience you than call you anything.  A name may just represent the fruition of all of our unexpressed desires.  If that is the case, I must call you Mildred Bonk.  But because that name has already been used, I will just call you "Deep Harmony."

Nameless:  (in a deep voice):  Deep Harmony.

Sidekick:  If I am to experience Deep Harmony, I should change my name to Eternal Bliss.

Nameless:  (in a deeper voice)  Deep Harmony.

Sidekick:  I'm just laying here looking at the ceiling, experiencing Eternal Bliss with Deep Harmony. The ceiling has many features that I have not heretofore recognized.   For example, while in this state of Eternal Bliss,  I notice that there are two three inch parallel lines embedded in the ceiling.  An inquiring mind may hypothesize, thus and so, how two parallel lines came to be implanted in such a manner into such ceiling.

Nameless:  You are looking at the ceiling while there is a beautiful world all around you.  Maybe you should consider changing your name from Eternal Bliss to Ted Cruz.  But because that name is taken, I will continue to call you Sidekick.  But I encourage you to look around you my friend.

Sidekick:   (Looking around the room)   I see what is beautiful all around me: to wit, Deep Harmony. This I wonder thus and so, what a strange color this room around us is painted in.

Nameless: It is baby puke green.

Sidekick:  Normally rooms that support....

Nameless:   Deep Harmony....

Sidekick:  .... and Eternal Bliss are not colored in such a light green color reminiscent of vomitus, would you agree?

Nameless:   Deep Harmony....

Sidekick:  Then I asked myself, thus and so, what does one eat to experience Deep Harmony?

Nameless:  Why a cheeseboiger, of course.

Sidekick:  I did not know that the combination of a cheeseburger with gastric juices could produce...

Nameless:   Deep Harmony....

Sidekick:  Or Eternal Bliss.

Nameless:  That is because my friend you have not had the cheeseburger from paradise.

Sidekick:  True, but I have had that frozen concoction that helps me hang on to ...

Nameless:   Deep Harmony....

Sidekick:  Exactly.









 


Tuesday, February 9, 2016

The Nameless Podcast

I am the sidekick, and this is the podcast that we have started.  I don't know why we have started this.

Another voice:  this is the nameless podcast, and it is named after me, because my name is nameless. My parents named me nameless, nameless, nameless, but you may call me nameless.  And this is my sidekick.   I do not know his name.  But you may call him sidekick.  And today is the first podcast because you have turned on the recording device and it appears to be recording our voices as we speak.

Sidekick:  If we were to start a podcast, thus and so, would it not be incumbent upon us to procure sponsors so that the podcast could be supported in such a way that we have become accustomed to?

Nameless:  I am the nameless one.  I eschew all endorsements.  I am nameless.  I live in a tiny house down by the river.

Sidekick:  Perhaps it may have been thus and so prudent of me to contact you before I sought sponsors, but because you are nameless, contact you I could not.   You nameless van to wit has not an address, and you also lack a phone number to be reached.

Nameless:  I am the nameless one, that is true.  But did you look in the phonebook under "nameless"?

Sidekick:  Let it be known that I found no means to contact you having exercised a good faith effort, thus and so, to locate you.   Perhaps in the course of normal events, I should have called you before I signed a contract with our sponsor, the well known Southwestern Tex-Mex-Mumbai fast food establishment, to wit, "Curry in a Hurry."

Nameless:  Discretion is always the better part of valor.  And Valor does make a fine Spanish chocolate.  I grant you may proceed, sidekick, with your commercial.

Sidekick:  And this point, our first commercial for the nameless podcast will begin thus and so:

Short intermission for the commercial break ensues:

(The Sidekick, now speaking in a different voice, with a heavy, and not very believable Mexican accent):  Hey Pedro, you got the stuff? The Feds, they coming, you need to hide the stuff. Hurry,  Pedro hide the stuff

Pedro: I swallowed the stuff.

Sidekick:  Oh, No.  Pedro.  You should not swallow the stuff!

Pedro:  I swallowed the stuff.  I put it in a condom and I swallowed the stuff.  It will exit in two to three days.

Sidekick:  Pedro, maybe we should go hide in Nogales.  I have a good friend there that can hide us from the Feds.  He protect you until the stuff flushes out of your system.

Pedro:  I do not know why you call me Pedro, because I'm obviously an Indian from Mumbai.  Can't you tell from my accent?

Sidekick:  Pedro, Pedro, what happened to you?  They turned you into an Indian!

Pedro:  I've always been an Indian.  You have just never noticed before.  And then you started calling me Pedro.  And so I start answering to Pedro.  But my name is not Pedro.  My name is Namaste.

Sidekick:  But Pedro, the stuff you swallowed, its from Tijuana, no?  Is it not Mexican stuff that you swallowed?

Pedro/Namaste:  Si Senor. I swallowed the stuff.  I did not look on the label to see its country of origin.

Sidekick;  Pedro! You are turning green.

Pedro/Namaste:  Oh, it not agreeing with me.  I am going to have to take a laxative so that I can evacuate the condom with the stuff.

Sidekick:  When an Indian poop out a big chunk of stuff, what happen?

Pedro/Namaste:  It go owie out my poo poo. But see I also ate the curry, so it will be one big huge owie poo pee.

Sidekick: Pedro, when we go to Nogales I know a good curry place, it called "Curry in a Hurry"  You interested in going?

Pedro/Namaste:  I do not want to go eat the Indian food in Nogales.  No good Indian food in Nogales.  I make my own curry. It is very good but it is very spicy.  And now I'm going to have a very hot spicy shit because I ate the stuff.

Sidekick:  Pedro, wait. Hide! Its the feds.   You must poop out the stuff!

Pedro/Namaste:  My sphincter, my sphincter, it hurts so bad!

Sidekick:  Pedro, please go to the bathroom to poop out the stuff.  Push Pedro, push!  Oh my God, what is that coming out Pedro?

Pedro/Namaste:  It hurt so bad. It is one hot curry blob of poop and stuff.

Sidekick:  Pedro, what that smell?

Pedro/Namaste:  That is the smell of victory because we saved the stuff from the Feds...

AND SO ON AND SO FORTH:




The location in Springfield apparently frequented by Obama was also recently frequented by our podcast hosts who during the break in activities took time to examine the parellell lines on the ceiling 












Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Dreams of Memories Dreamed

Dad, what is this old video?
I dust off the old jacket of the VHS video found at the bottom of one of my storage boxes.  It was buried underneath a box of legal pads and old music cds.

I look for the old VHS player. Where did I put that? It must be in one of these other storage boxes. Found it. I'm glad this old TV still works.   Lets take a look at the video.  

The video presents a grainy image of a tent in a field of grass.  The tent opens and Madison and Mackenzie step out into the sunshine.  They are toddlers and laughing and playing in the grass. Madison is trying unsuccessfully to catch a butterfly with the amusing lack of coordination of a two year old. Mackenzie is trying unsuccessfully to get Madison's attention to play badminton.   Cindy steps out of the tent in a bathing suit.  She has a wide rimmed hat on to keep the sun out of her face. We are all at a music festival.  It was a magical day.

I wake up crying.

Then the video returns.  The image is of Uncle Martin smiling with a group of farmers in a row. They are talking at a coffee shop.

Then it is night and I step in the farmhouse in a group of people.  There is something horrible outside. The people in the house are cowering.

I step back outside and wait for the evil to approach.  It is a horrible demon.  But I can't see it.  It is immense.  It is too big but I put my hands around in and force it to the ground.  I shouldn't be able to do this. Its too big.

The last image on the video is from the Strings of Manterena.  I may have that name wrong but it is close:

I love my snuggle queen, she is my snuggle queen, I love her more than anything, snuglar snuglar snuggle bean................